Or is my mother re: updating her on our travels

[noworklifebalance]

My mother expects us to let her know when we have arrived at our holiday destination and when we have returned home - whether this is abroad or in the UK.
If going abroad she likes to know our flight details and where we are staying.
I sort of understand the flight details - occasionally there are tragedies and it must be horrific not to know whether loved ones where on the flight.

However, I find the whole thing frustrating, perhaps irrationally so, hence my AIBU?

For context, I am married with 2 children and have lived away from my parents for nearly 20 years.
My mother also worries if I haven’t rung or messaged her for a few days/week - “anything may have happened to me”. My answer that my DH will let her know if that this was the case or it’ll have to be the police if we are all wiped out, didn’t go down well(!).

My mum was the same but it didn’t seem like too much to me. And now she’s been dead 5 years and there’s no-one who cares if I get there any more. Make the most of your mum and don’t be so ungrateful.

My entire family always ensure one of us has the others flight details / hotel name etc just in case ! We also say goodbye and confirm safe arrival…. I assumed this was normal practice across loving families

God I couldn't be doing with that, I'd just not say I was going anywhere. I'd understand if you were 19 or going somewhere on your own but otherwise no, no, no, no, no at 45 I don't need babysitting.

@Horehound

Op:AIBU Majority: yes Op: no I'm not..

I don't think we are reading the same thread.

OP you are right, this is annoying, and if she needs to get hold of you when you are away, she can just call you.

Mine is very controlling and jealous. I was told to be available in emergencies. !! So be thankful if its genuine. My mother tries control us

I think it is weird too. Most people have mobiles and don't most accidents happen in the home? As much as maybe, if you are travelling abroad, I can see it, if you are just off for a nice weekend away, no, she can call if she needs you.
And the person who said they "long" to know where their children are 24/7, I did find quite odd. That seems extreme.

Put yourself in her position - would you want to know your children are safe when they are older?
I’ll always let my dad know that we’ve arrived somewhere, and my IL’s too for that matter. I know they worry and it seems pointless for them to be worrying for no reason.

How wonderful to have someone who cares so deeply for you

😂 I only ever got, "Don't bring us back any tat" 😂

I am 43 years old and my mother still does this.

It’s merely because she cares.

I am a mother and dreaded mother in law! My own mother was very clingy and so I vowed I would not ask my adult children to keep in touch. But I can’t tell you how pleased I am to receive a text/email to say they have arrived and all is well. A photo is a bonus. So please don’t begrudge the time it takes to send a quick text. It saves a lot of worry and means so much.

My mum used to ask me to text when I got back home if I left their house late, so she knew I'd got home ok. We also did the flight details and accommodation details thing too. I'd give absolutely anything to be able to text her about something so mundane now.

I would personally find it suffocating, but then I only phone my mum every other week. It depends on the relationship really and best to nip it in the bid if not comfortable. I've learnt this with other bits as my mum used to phone every week basically asking if our marriage was still OK. Had to say if it wasn't, she'd be the first to know, no need to keep checking. She also used to panic if I didn't answer a message on the same day, which to me is normal as my job is stressful and I'm not always on my phone. People set rules for what makes them happy, if it's making you stressed, then maybe explain and compromise.

Frustrating, yes but it sound as if she's been this way for a long time, sending the txt is the better option than falling out but I would find it seriously tedious

YABU but I sympathise. It’s irritating but it’s no big deal to text and keep your mum in the loop.
Dig a bit deeper. Is your mum a bit controlling and you resent it? Do you feel she’s tying you to the apron strings?
I know how you feel. My mum used to want the phone number of our hotel abroad but I refused - I absolutely knew she’d ring for some silly reason.
Tip: send yourself a few stock texts to yourself which you can copy and paste to your mum. It might take the pressure off.

She's just worried. You might be the same one day.

My brother was travelling around the world and in Thailand when there was military unrest. No cell phone service for a week. We were beside ourselves. We’ve always shared travel plans, sometimes it’s bum clenching!

Within the UK, three pips remains a thing. Annoying as hell as the oldies always pick up and talk for an hour even when you just had a week with them. I think we only do it to honour my grandma who was insistent on it (pre-text era)

I always let my adult child know my flight details and hotel details etc. My adult child also does the same for me. Like other posters say things happen.

YABU, she cares.
I let my Mum know when I arrive home after visiting them, it's a 45 minute drive, not one that bothers me but she hates the road I have to drive on. I do more driving that that some days with work, but she doesn't know about those so she doesn't have to worry. Neither of my parents are worriers in particular, but I'm their child and, they just like to know I'm okay.
If she knows we're going out for the day she'll phone to see if we had a nice day and if everything went well. It's not often that I go more than a couple of days without speaking to her, and we have a terrible habit of trying to phone each other at the same time. :D

If we're going on holiday, even in the UK I give them all the details of where we're going and phone to let them know how we are every couple of days, if not every day. They do the same with us, even though they go on holiday with my brother. I find it odd that my Mother-in-law doesn't ask these things or phone us, but I generally leave that for DH to sort out.

I suspect this is more to do with the relationship you have with your Mum than the actual phoning her. I get on brilliantly with my Mum and it seems perfectly natural to check in and let her know we're okay, what the place we're staying at is like, how our day has been etc.

When I went away to university, (Before mobile phones) we only spoke once or twice a week and she said she just had to shut out the thoughts about what I might be doing and be reassured that someone would let us know if there was a problem.

When DH travels he messages me before the plane departs and texts when he lands. And often calls from the hotel. I do the same. We don’t tend to talk during the day but will do a daily catch up.
If it’s a trip by car he will message when he’s stopping and when he reaches the hotel. I do the same.
We have a family WhatsApp group of parents (mine and his). I always text them to say: on our way whenever we are going somewhere. Maybe with a family photo. And then message when we have reached.
I use the family WhatsApp to send regular photos. Sometimes daily.
No one asked me to but I live 12 hours away from my family and it’s nice to make them feel a part of the grandkids life.

I’m with you OP. I don’t find this behaviour caring at all. To me it feels controlling. Yes, I’m sure she cares but she’s a grown woman and her anxieties are her problem to deal with.

Didn’t vote because I do understand why you find this annoying.

But…without this sounding like an awful guilt trip I would really love to have a mum like that. I can easily go months without hearing anything at all from my mum, despite me sending plenty of messages, and the feeling of abandonment even as a fully grown adult never leaves you. So try and remember it’s coming from a place of love and remember a glass of wine and a moan with your DH/friends is always a valid outlet.

I’m 41 and always message my parents to say I got home ok even when I’ve just been to theirs for dinner 😂

I think it depends on the context and what kind of relationship you have with family. Not my mother so much, but my SISTER used to annoy me with this. I would drive 2 hours to see her, listen to her moaning about unmarried mothers, people who won't work etc., feel relieved to get back home and then think 'Oh god I have got to ring her' knowing I would have to hear the whole lot again.

YABU

I texted my mum and mother in law when weve arrived. It doesn't take long. I usually send a video of our accommodation too lol! They like the updates and I would to think they were worrying about us when I could easily text.