Or is my mother re: updating her on our travels

[noworklifebalance]

My mother expects us to let her know when we have arrived at our holiday destination and when we have returned home - whether this is abroad or in the UK.
If going abroad she likes to know our flight details and where we are staying.
I sort of understand the flight details - occasionally there are tragedies and it must be horrific not to know whether loved ones where on the flight.

However, I find the whole thing frustrating, perhaps irrationally so, hence my AIBU?

For context, I am married with 2 children and have lived away from my parents for nearly 20 years.
My mother also worries if I haven’t rung or messaged her for a few days/week - “anything may have happened to me”. My answer that my DH will let her know if that this was the case or it’ll have to be the police if we are all wiped out, didn’t go down well(!).

A mother who is so invested in their children’s lives that they long to know where they are 24/7 must be an annoyance yes.

@Feather12

A mother who is so invested in their children’s lives that they long to know where they are 24/7 must be an annoyance yes.

It must be so great to be you…

I can see it may be a bit irritating, but it seems to come from a place of care and love, so I don't think she's unreasonable. I wonder whether you will see it differently in 20 years when it's your own children out there in what's a pretty scary world, as you'll still love and worry about your DC's just as much when they are adults.

Maybe the op will raise her children to have healthy boundries. That her children don't have to follow the same obligations some other adults do simply because. Perhaps her children will be confident enough to trek around the world without the confines of tech.
Maybe they will Begt for her to not be as demanding as nan is.

My MiL used to do this. My DH did not humour her. She was fine and eventually stopped worrying about it.

How you feel about this might depend on what type of parent you have.

My DM has a personality disorder i think and is over anxious and tries to be over involved. I have had to put strong boundaries in place for the sake of my sanity.

If you have a good relationship with your DM and it doesn’t bother you to send a text then that’s no problem.

I know when my children are older I will always care about them and worry about them - but I will be careful, as someone said above, not to make them feel responsible for any anxiety i might have.

YABU

I agree it’s nice she cares. I always wondered why my parents never seemed bothered when I used to go on holiday or travel. They wanted me to have a good time but never showed an interest in where I was going and when. They would never ask for details or times or numbers.

My mum likes me to do that too and I never remember! She’s stopped taking offence abs just texts me to ask if I’ve arrived.
I’ve far to many things to think about …

I always do that for Mum and I'm 63 ! And my adult children do it for me, too. A quick text to say " arrived safely" takes a few seconds and it's just a nice thing to do.

Mine like this too. They let me know too.

At least you aren’t on their find my friends, like I am. They know exactly where we are and it is a bit disconcerting when they ask if we’ve had a nice meal at x place etc, but I really don’t mind. It keeps them entertained watching what we are up to.

if you text her "arrived safely" often enough, your predictive text will learn it and it will get even faster

I can see that it could be irritating, but nice that she cares
and is still around to care

I think it depends on what you think your mother will do with that info. My mother was the same and if it really was just to reassure her, I would have continued to do it. But I think it was more about control, as it escalated to wanting to know every time I left the house, checking up on me every night to make sure I wasn't out after 7pm, and coming to my house to snoop when I was away on holiday.

If it is genuinely out of concern for you, I would continue doing it.

I feel for you @Asiama. If you feel it's about maternal control, it's easy to resent it. I haven't lived within 200 miles of my DM for 30 years, so there's no checking my movements and a text to say I've arrived home safely sets her mind at risk after a four hour trip. If we lived in the same town, the game would be very different.

My parents are exactly the same. But they also give us all of their details. It doesn't bother me in the slightest.

She won't be there to ask one day then you'll miss it
I'm 50 and have a grandchild of my own.
My mum still asks for the little txt when we arrive at a destination
YABU

I feel your pain. It's wearing. My over anxious mother needs to know if I've arrived from any trip longer than about 20 min. If I forget, the ridiculous dramatic voices in the ensuing phonecall make me really cross. All a bit Mrs Bennett.

Wait until your kids grow up and move out and then when they don’t get back to you you’ll know why your mother asks you to.

Your poor Mum. She loves and cares about you. Why would you not do this?

It’s tough one.

My family always let us know they have arrived there + home. We will send a picture when we get there and nothing when we are home, but get a “did you have good time?” Late in the day we due to arrive home.
That seems to work but they don’t ask for specifics and I would find it weird.

How many holidays do you take a year to make this issue so irritating 😂 if it stops her worrying it’s hardly a hardship for you really

Op, my mother is the same or a bit worse, with the advent of whatsapp, if she knows we are on holiday she is texting every hour to check where we are, what are we doing and yes, a bloody drama ensues if I turn my phone off. I have not lived anywhere near her for at least 30 years.

My advice:

-Space your calls gradually so she doesn’t miss you if you do not call her in a week.

• Only tell her about the holidays AFTER you are back.

Obviously, make sure someone who has her phone number knows you are away so they can call her if something untoward happens. I have the name of my sister who lives near her and it is too busy to care about what I do as a contact in my passport.

Wish I could text or ring my mum to let her know I've arrived safely somewhere I'm in my 40s now but still ring/text my dad and sister to let them know we are safe

I would give anything to be able to text my Mum again saying I had arrived safely. I lost her to breast cancer when I was pregnant with my first child. When she was alive I always told her when I arrived at a destination and I spoke to her often. Once a Mum always a mum so I say make the most of it while you have her and give her the details for her peace of mind xxx

Wow moan much OP?! My DM doesn't give a rats a*se so just count yourself lucky!! I was expecting you to say she was going to join w=you without being invited!