Or is my mother re: updating her on our travels

[noworklifebalance]

My mother expects us to let her know when we have arrived at our holiday destination and when we have returned home - whether this is abroad or in the UK.
If going abroad she likes to know our flight details and where we are staying.
I sort of understand the flight details - occasionally there are tragedies and it must be horrific not to know whether loved ones where on the flight.

However, I find the whole thing frustrating, perhaps irrationally so, hence my AIBU?

For context, I am married with 2 children and have lived away from my parents for nearly 20 years.
My mother also worries if I haven’t rung or messaged her for a few days/week - “anything may have happened to me”. My answer that my DH will let her know if that this was the case or it’ll have to be the police if we are all wiped out, didn’t go down well(!).

YABU
My father hasn't contacted me in 10 years.
Be grateful you have parents who care.

Personally, I think it is a good idea to let people know when going away (I think out of the country, rather than just away for the weekend somewhere).
You occassionally here of car crashes, or plane crashes, etc, so I generally give flight details, important contact details, and insurance details.
(ie If we are in some kind of accident and hospitalised, then who will deal with any medical insurance, and know which one, etc).
I have a relative who have been badly injured while abroad, and required a hospital airlift home.
So, I think 1 family member, not in the holiday group, should have these details.
Re contact details; Yes, we have our mobile phones, but I will often give contact details of the hotel, resort, or if a package tour, then the name / contact details of the tour company.
I usually let my family know I have arrived at destination, and when home again.

It may seem over-mothering to you. But we never stop being mums! And you will miss it one day. My mother died when I was a child. Would give a lot to have her fussing over me now. 😢

Sometimes, depending on who has visited whom, when we or my DD arrive home, DD or myself will text the words 'three rings' to each other as a joke, remembering the old Peter Kay routine!
No more is needed, we then know the other person is safely home! it takes seconds and is done.

I can totally relate to your situation and think YANBU my mum is just the same although I have around 4 calls every day. On my way to and from work etc it's so tiring! I do not and will not continue this with my own children. I know I won't be popular but feel it's about control as much as anxiety and it's not healthy.

Accidents happen in the U.K. you know, not just after you’ve got on a plane. YABU, just send a text, and appreciate you have someone who cares.

I must be strange . I've gone on holiday once or twice a year and never once text anyone to say that I'd arrived safely.
Once we were waiting to go to the airport for a carribean holiday when they announced on tv that there had been an earthquake in Icmere , Turkey overnight, which is where my mother and stepfather were on holiday . At first I was unsure whether we should leave for our holiday or wait to see if my parents were ok . In the end we decided to go as no news is good news , and it was . They were fine , we just had to wait 2 weeks to find out 😉.
My late MIL had a few holidays to visit her DSis in Australia and I always thought it was odd that she phoned home to say she had arrived safely. I'm sure we would have heard on the news if the plane had crashed or anything .
I tend to look on the bright side of life and am definitely not a worrier .

I think it's quite sweet. You'll miss it when she's no longer here.

I get where the OP is coming from. My MIL uses it as a form of control.

When I go to my parents I get asked when I left home and what time I got back. Rather than getting annoyed I'm just ambiguous in my answers. I'll reply that I left after lunch. She'll want to know specifically and this will get to her.

She wants us to call her while on holiday and will do the wounded routine if we don't.

At home she has my keys and will let herself in as she pleases but if she hasn't seen her son in a couple of days she'll go on the attack and demand to know why he hasn't called to ask after her.

We're Indian and a lot of it cultural but it still pisses me off as my parents aren't like this.

My widowed father in law always wanted to know when and where we were going and our flight details and I called him most days just to check in with him. We were his main support and although sometimes I really didn't want to have to think about doing it, I loved him and wanted to make him feel secure. I always set up people to go round and let the neighbours know we were going to be away, too, and sometimes his daughter would stay with him for a couple of days (but let's not go there...)

I always text my Mum and in- laws when we arrive somewhere, and when we get back.
They still worry,even though we're grown ups!

Wow. My family has never done this. I thought my family was normal but looking at all these responses maybe we're not I still have no intention of changing - it'd be way too much to have to think about!

She is far too involved in your life. How does your partner feel about her?

My parents are both dead but we used to do this - I’d give them a quick call to say we’d arrived (back in the days before mobile phones etc).
These days I do the same with my sister - it’s just a way of showing we’re interested and care imo.

You'll miss this so much when she's gone believe me

I’m the same with my daughters. A quick text to say they’ve arrived at their destination means I can relax and stop worrying.
Perhaps when your dc are older you might actually get it!!

@Teaandjam Jesus just asking for a text to say they’ve arrived is being too involved?! Seriously?! Head - wobble!!

@noworklifebalance

Yes, perhaps *@Aquamarine1029*.

It made sense when I lived and travelled alone but now not to be able to go a few days without checking in?

What do people to travel for business do? Did they need to let their partners and their parents know of their safe arrival.

Yes, when I'm away on business I call my partner and my mum. We went to Blackpool last week and I called her when we got there. It's common courtesy and I would never dream of not contacting her

I thought this was normal? My mum would be devastated if I didn't call or message her for days at a time.

My mother could not give a f*ck where I was, so enjoy it and be thankful she cares x

I think YABU. She cares about you. My mum used to be upset if I didn't let her know I had arrived somewhere on holida/travelling. She was 'a bit of a worrier'. She's gone now and I really miss making that call to let her know we arrived ok. As much as I would grumble about it when I was a younger adult.

My mum died 5 years ago. The thing about wanting a weekly phone call was the same. I found it mildly irritating. She always loved to hear I'd landed safely too as had been watching flight details on ceefax.... Ahhh my darling Mum. How I would love to call you and tell you I'm at the airport and hear your cute , relieved happy voice...JUST once more. I really miss her and the unconditional love I always got from her.

Without sounding terrible , I would be so grateful someone cares enough that I could return 10 seconds of my life to let them know I’m ok.

I don’t agree that “if something bad happened you would find out” why would you put that type of anxiety on someone you care about?

I have a single friend who travels solo, she sends the same details to me . I get your married and busy but really think yes YABU . Appreciate the request in the manner that it is intended . Someone cares enough to know you are safe , it’s probably ok to assume you care enough to let them know.

I thought this was completely normal? This would never bother me, I'm glad I have family that care. I can't imagine going on holiday and not even telling my parents.

@AwkwardAnnie

YABU, she cares. I let my Mum know when I arrive home after visiting them, it's a 45 minute drive, not one that bothers me but she hates the road I have to drive on. I do more driving that that some days with work, but she doesn't know about those so she doesn't have to worry. Neither of my parents are worriers in particular, but I'm their child and, they just like to know I'm okay. If she knows we're going out for the day she'll phone to see if we had a nice day and if everything went well. It's not often that I go more than a couple of days without speaking to her, and we have a terrible habit of trying to phone each other at the same time. :D

If we're going on holiday, even in the UK I give them all the details of where we're going and phone to let them know how we are every couple of days, if not every day. They do the same with us, even though they go on holiday with my brother. I find it odd that my Mother-in-law doesn't ask these things or phone us, but I generally leave that for DH to sort out.

I suspect this is more to do with the relationship you have with your Mum than the actual phoning her. I get on brilliantly with my Mum and it seems perfectly natural to check in and let her know we're okay, what the place we're staying at is like, how our day has been etc.

When I went away to university, (Before mobile phones) we only spoke once or twice a week and she said she just had to shut out the thoughts about what I might be doing and be reassured that someone would let us know if there was a problem.

Yes I think you’re right in that it depends on the relationship you have

My mom is like my best friend. We’re super close. She only lives around the corner from me but we speak several times a week just for a chat, or if we need a moan to each other about something that’s frustrating us. Or I’ll pop round for a brew etc. I’ve even gone on holiday with her numerous times.

If I’m travelling anywhere she likes to know I’ve arrived ok and that I’ve got back home ok. But I’ve been exactly the same with her too if I know she’s been travelling somewhere. I worry about her well-being and safety as much as she worries about mine.

I always do this - as do all my family. And it feels more important when it’s UK. Car crash being more likely than plane crash.
I haven’t RTFT, but are you / is she on FB? That might help with her general anxiety, in terms of the odd “here we are (still alive)” type post.