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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Woke up to two grown men sleeping in my toddlers bedroom

296 replies

Mama1993 · 17/07/2021 08:50

They are friends btw and my toddler is with his g/parents.

However... This is the story...

We had some friends staying over last night who we haven't seen in a long time, they live abroad and wanted to see us before they caught a flight tomorrow. We have a sofa bed so no problem.

We had some drinks in our garden in the evening with a few other close friends - we are a group of about 8 and it was a proper catch up sort of thing. The plan was to then go to the pub for dinner around the corner.

side note: I have a four week old and am breastfeeding so I personally am not doing any heavy drinking.

I left the pub earlier than everyone but I said to my husband that I didn't mind if everyone wanted to come back for a drink or two (this is where I clearly went wrong)

To cut a long story short they ended up having a bit of a party downstairs, lots of drinking until late and lots of shouting. I'm not that annoyed about the loudness because it didn't actually keep me or my baby up

But when I woke up this morning I went in to my toddlers room to find our other friend (who has his own house in the same city) asleep on the floor and HIS friend who I don't know and only met the night before asleep in my son's bed!

My husband said they could so I can't be annoyed with them too much but AIBU to be annoyed with my husband?? I know I said they could all come back for a drink but we aren't students and I didnt expect that to be misconstrued as anyone can stay over....

I've been miffed this morning and my husband has just as rude back to me saying I should get off my high horse for doing the glasses before him etc... Maybe he has a point? I just think it's a bit inappropriate seeing as we have a newborn...

OP posts:
notacooldad · 17/07/2021 13:18

Despite that, the OP is NBU to be pissed off that friends of friends turned up and she was left to clear up
Except she wasnt left to.
Confused

TheSunShinesBrighter · 17/07/2021 13:21

@notacooldad

Despite that, the OP is NBU to be pissed off that friends of friends turned up and she was left to clear up Except she wasnt left to. Confused
Well I woke up before him and did the cleaning which he saw as being a bit passive aggressive and me being able to get on my high horse for doing so (probably true)

Who cleared up when the OP and the baby got up?

Bluntness100 · 17/07/2021 13:24

Ah yes the cool girl insult, how pathetic

Isn’t it? Lacks any imagination, trotted put time snd time again to silence women who have a different opinion to you. A sneering put down intended to shut women up.

Bluntness100 · 17/07/2021 13:25

@Teaandjam

Isn’t cool wife a misogynist term used to silence women who have an opinion different to yours?
Yup. That’s exactly what it is. A sneering passive aggressive put down intended to silence women who don’t agree with you.
starfishmummy · 17/07/2021 13:36

I assume you would expect him to be OK about you havi g people sleeping over so yabu

AllyBama · 17/07/2021 14:09

YABU.
Your toddler wasn’t home.
You said it was fine for people to come back to yours. People you haven’t seen in ages.
All you (or your husband) has to do is change the sheets?
You said you or the baby’s sleep wasn’t disturbed.
And then you freely admit to passive aggressively cleaning before he got up, to make a point. That’s the overarching concern more than anything else.

silkience · 17/07/2021 14:20

You sound like very hard work

And there it is. @RyanAirVeteran a woman who 4 weeks after giving birth and breastfeeding, happy to go to the pub and enjoy time with mates, happy to have DH's friend stay over, happy to let him have a messy party until the early hours (therefore zero help with newborn that night/ first thing) IS NOT VERY HARD WORK FOR NOT BEING TOTALLY CHILLED ABOUT TWO EXTRA UNEXPECTED HOUSE GUESTS!

I think you sound bloody reasonable OP, and it's a shame posters gave chosen to jump on your honesty in the fact you admit cleaning up first thing was a passive aggressive move / come on, we've all done it!

Bridezillamaybe · 17/07/2021 14:28

Hi OP,

Not a biggie as you seem to be in agreement with now based on your updates. I think you probably feel a bit overprotective or vulnerable with the newborn. My OH can be very PA, kepe an eye on it, I find it really intolerable. Enjoy the pastries!

pleasedonttextmyman · 17/07/2021 14:29

You sound like very hard work

she really does. It's such a non-issue.

in the fact you admit cleaning up first thing was a passive aggressive move / come on, we've all done it!
We? Confused Talk for yourself, passive aggressive cleaning is really not on my list😂

1forAll74 · 17/07/2021 14:38

I guess these things sometimes happen after people get inebriated and tired,and just crash out somewhere available.

CaptSkippy · 17/07/2021 14:39

For crying out loud, how old is your husband? He acts like a 20-year-old college student still living with his parents.
"A few drinks" is NOT gettting wasted and sleeping in your child's bed whether the child was there or not. And even though it didn't keep you up, why the hell is your husband holding a loud and drunken party in a house with a new born?
Is your husband doing his share of parenting?

Howaboutchocolate · 17/07/2021 14:43

@1forAll74

I guess these things sometimes happen after people get inebriated and tired,and just crash out somewhere available.
Yes, they do. But it depends on the circumstances doesn't it.

I'd be fine if my DH had friends stay over after drinking most of the time.
However, I'd prefer it if they slept on the floor or in a guest bed if we had one.
I'd also prefer it if he gave me a heads up somehow (leave a note by the bed?, a text?) so that when I woke up I wasn't surprised or embarrassed in my pyjamas to find two men I barely know in my house.

And if I had just given birth 4 weeks ago and was cluster feeding a newborn, I would not be happy about it all.

People on the thread seem to be slating the OP for not being cool with it because they would be, completely ignoring her circumstances. I don't think most people with a newborn would be happy with it. I didn't even want family staying over in the first month or so after giving birth!

BigFatLiar · 17/07/2021 15:21

I left the pub earlier than everyone but I said to my husband that I didn't mind if everyone wanted to come back for a drink or two (this is where I clearly went wrong)

In a nutshell yes.

If you're inviting a group back to continue drinking don't be surprised to find some kipping over. Surprised you didn't find them still drinking or sleeping in the lounge.

DrManhattan · 17/07/2021 16:08

A stranger in your home, sleeping in your kids bed.
Seems really irresponsible to me. Wss the baby sleeping in the shed?

Sally2791 · 17/07/2021 16:21

DH does the washing , no harm done.

pleasedonttextmyman · 17/07/2021 16:46

@DrManhattan

A stranger in your home, sleeping in your kids bed. Seems really irresponsible to me. Wss the baby sleeping in the shed?
No one expects you to read the thread, but you could at least read the OP before posting?
EspressoDoubleShot · 17/07/2021 17:40

@DrManhattan

A stranger in your home, sleeping in your kids bed. Seems really irresponsible to me. Wss the baby sleeping in the shed?
And the prize for not reading the op or thread, just indignantly piling in goes to…*@DrManhattan*
DrManhattan · 17/07/2021 17:42

It was a comment linking to another thread... nevermind

pigsDOfly · 17/07/2021 19:53

MN is a funny place.

On the one hand you've got people starting threads saying that they don't want any family to come and see their new born baby for the first month or so and everyone agreeing that that's perfectly reasonable 'your baby, your rules'. And of course it's up to the OP of those threads who comes to see them and their baby.

Then on the other hand the OP on this thread, who has a four week old baby, is being told by a large majority that she's unreasonable for not wanting some strange drunk bloke she doesn't actually know sleeping in her toddlers bed.

Yes, I know she agreed to them coming back to the house and said some could sleep over, but that I doubt most people would expect that to include strangers.

As I say, MN is a strange place.

notacooldad · 17/07/2021 20:06

As I say, MN is a strange place.
Not really.
It's made up of 1000's of people who have different life experiences, expectations, cultures and values. Mn is just a forum to express their opions and thoughts.

pigsDOfly · 17/07/2021 20:14

'notacooldad'

Yes, strangely enough I'm fully aware of that, but there are a lot of regular posters on MN, many of whom seem change their opinions depending on the threads they're contributing to.

Bluntness100 · 17/07/2021 20:39

@CaptSkippy

For crying out loud, how old is your husband? He acts like a 20-year-old college student still living with his parents. "A few drinks" is NOT gettting wasted and sleeping in your child's bed whether the child was there or not. And even though it didn't keep you up, why the hell is your husband holding a loud and drunken party in a house with a new born? Is your husband doing his share of parenting?
Seriously? I’m guessing you’ve Having a laugh, .or struggle with normal friendships? Which is it?
notacooldad · 17/07/2021 20:44

@pigsDOfly

Yes, strangely enough I'm fully aware of that, but there are a lot of regular posters on MN, many of whom seem change their opinions depending on the threads they're contributing to
sorry, it does read as if I'm being condescending and I didn't mean it that way. I see what you mean about posters changing their tune. I hadn't noticed that, I was commenting in how I see a great difference of opinions even in my own community.

RandomHomoSapien · 18/07/2021 11:33

I would hit the fucking roof

You will find life sooooo much easier if you don’t go around ‘hitting the fucking roof’ about such trivial matters 🙄

RandomHomoSapien · 18/07/2021 11:35

@DrManhattan

A stranger in your home, sleeping in your kids bed. Seems really irresponsible to me. Wss the baby sleeping in the shed?
There really is no hope for some people 🙄
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