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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Woke up to two grown men sleeping in my toddlers bedroom

296 replies

Mama1993 · 17/07/2021 08:50

They are friends btw and my toddler is with his g/parents.

However... This is the story...

We had some friends staying over last night who we haven't seen in a long time, they live abroad and wanted to see us before they caught a flight tomorrow. We have a sofa bed so no problem.

We had some drinks in our garden in the evening with a few other close friends - we are a group of about 8 and it was a proper catch up sort of thing. The plan was to then go to the pub for dinner around the corner.

side note: I have a four week old and am breastfeeding so I personally am not doing any heavy drinking.

I left the pub earlier than everyone but I said to my husband that I didn't mind if everyone wanted to come back for a drink or two (this is where I clearly went wrong)

To cut a long story short they ended up having a bit of a party downstairs, lots of drinking until late and lots of shouting. I'm not that annoyed about the loudness because it didn't actually keep me or my baby up

But when I woke up this morning I went in to my toddlers room to find our other friend (who has his own house in the same city) asleep on the floor and HIS friend who I don't know and only met the night before asleep in my son's bed!

My husband said they could so I can't be annoyed with them too much but AIBU to be annoyed with my husband?? I know I said they could all come back for a drink but we aren't students and I didnt expect that to be misconstrued as anyone can stay over....

I've been miffed this morning and my husband has just as rude back to me saying I should get off my high horse for doing the glasses before him etc... Maybe he has a point? I just think it's a bit inappropriate seeing as we have a newborn...

OP posts:
Original poster
Mama1993 · 17/07/2021 09:04

@OrangeBlossomsinthesun

What does having a newborn have to do with it if it didn't disturb you or the newborn? I don't understand?
Im not sure. I just felt like I wasnt quite appropriate and maybe we were being bad parents? But I'm reassured that most of you don't think anything of it
OP posts:
Whyo · 17/07/2021 09:04

How is it inappropriate because you have a newborn when your newborn was staying with its grandparents?

NoNobramma · 17/07/2021 09:04

The only issue I’d have is not wanting to be around strangers so soon postpartum. But you did say he could have people stay over and you didn’t stipulate where or who. So yes sorry but you’re being unreasonable.

Pop back to bed with the baby and let him change the toddler sheets etc as you did the dishes already. Say you’re sorry you overreacted but you should have clarified you meant sleeping on the guest bed and his friend specifically. And move on.

Whyo · 17/07/2021 09:05

My apologies I think I’ve misread, so toddler at grandparents and newborn in the house?

Original poster
Mama1993 · 17/07/2021 09:05

My toddler was with his grandparents my newborn was at home with me (and everyone else)

OP posts:
NoNobramma · 17/07/2021 09:06

@Mama1993 not bad parents at all! I’m amazed you were organised enough to go out somewhere PP and with a newborn and your husband probably thought you were the best wife ever letting him have a bit of a party! You rock!

Original poster
Mama1993 · 17/07/2021 09:06

@NoNobramma

The only issue I’d have is not wanting to be around strangers so soon postpartum. But you did say he could have people stay over and you didn’t stipulate where or who. So yes sorry but you’re being unreasonable.

Pop back to bed with the baby and let him change the toddler sheets etc as you did the dishes already. Say you’re sorry you overreacted but you should have clarified you meant sleeping on the guest bed and his friend specifically. And move on.

Thank you, that'sgl good advice.
OP posts:
HamsterHelp · 17/07/2021 09:07

I’m quite impressed though. I was an absolute wreck with both my newborns. My house was a riot and we were both so sleep deprived I would have cried at the suggestion of having people over for drinks 😂

SmallPrawnEnergy · 17/07/2021 09:07

@Whyo

How is it inappropriate because you have a newborn when your newborn was staying with its grandparents?
The newborn wasn’t at the grandparents the toddler was. People are struggling with comprehension this morning.
Mamamia7962 · 17/07/2021 09:11

What size bed has your toddler got that an adult was able to fit in it?

Teenyton · 17/07/2021 09:12

The title of the thread is a bit clickbaity :) so your DH and his friends came home and the guys slept in your kid's room who wasn't even at home? If they messed the place up a little annoying, but not a biggie?

CeeceeBloomingdale · 17/07/2021 09:12

Everyone is safe, I’d let it go. Ask DH not to invite randoms to sleep in future. Wash the bedding and enjoy a nice weekend 😊

4PawsGood · 17/07/2021 09:13

@Mamamia7962

What size bed has your toddler got that an adult was able to fit in it?
Ours went into a single bed from a cot. Many do.
4PawsGood · 17/07/2021 09:14

To answer the OP, why is it ‘inappropriate’? Is there a magic age your baby gets to where it’s no longer inappropriate? It doesn’t really make any sense Smile

Original poster
Mama1993 · 17/07/2021 09:15

@Teenyton

The title of the thread is a bit clickbaity :) so your DH and his friends came home and the guys slept in your kid's room who wasn't even at home? If they messed the place up a little annoying, but not a biggie?
Apologies 🤣🤣 I did fancy being a journalist once
OP posts:
Nononsense2 · 17/07/2021 09:15

Since you said that you didn't mind them to come back to your house, you shouldn't be making a fuss now. Just tell your dh to change the bed sheets and do the washing.

Original poster
Mama1993 · 17/07/2021 09:16

@4PawsGood

To answer the OP, why is it ‘inappropriate’? Is there a magic age your baby gets to where it’s no longer inappropriate? It doesn’t really make any sense Smile
No maybe it doesn't. It was just a feeling. But it clearly isn't a big deal
OP posts:
JeansShirtJeansJacket · 17/07/2021 09:16

As long as your husband washes and changes the sheets before your toddler comes home, I can't see an issue.

Brefugee · 17/07/2021 09:18

Well I woke up before him and did the cleaning which he saw as being a bit passive aggressive and me being able to get on my high horse for doing so (probably true)

yep. PA move. Why didn't you just leave it?

LH1987 · 17/07/2021 09:20

I would be annoyed that a man I didn’t know stayed over.

Original poster
Mama1993 · 17/07/2021 09:21

Okay so he's just been to the bakery to get pastries so I will definitely not be holding anything against him now haha.

But will certainly be making it a rule that no strangers will be allowed to stay over if either of our children are home regardless of age.

Thanks for the replies, it's been a reassurance

OP posts:
AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken · 17/07/2021 09:21

If me and the baby had slept well, I really wouldn’t be bothered by this.
Quick bedding change and tidy up and it’ll be as good as new

Original poster
Mama1993 · 17/07/2021 09:22

@Brefugee

Well I woke up before him and did the cleaning which he saw as being a bit passive aggressive and me being able to get on my high horse for doing so (probably true)

yep. PA move. Why didn't you just leave it?

Because that's the sort of passive aggressive thing I do when I'm annoyed.
OP posts:
KarmaStar · 17/07/2021 09:22

Why get on your high horse and be angry?
You said it was a good catch up,a couple of extra people stayed over,does it matter as a one off?
Your title was attention grabbing and exaggerated and maybe you should just step back a little,let your th clear up and change sheets whilst you and baby rest.💐

Talkwhilstyouwalk · 17/07/2021 09:24

Let him change the beds....

I don't think it's that bad to be honest. Not the kind of behaviour you would want on a regular basis but it sounds like they just had a bit too much to drink and were enjoying the opportunity to finally socialise!