Woke up to two grown men sleeping in my toddlers bedroom

[Mama1993]

They are friends btw and my toddler is with his g/parents.

However... This is the story...

We had some friends staying over last night who we haven't seen in a long time, they live abroad and wanted to see us before they caught a flight tomorrow. We have a sofa bed so no problem.

We had some drinks in our garden in the evening with a few other close friends - we are a group of about 8 and it was a proper catch up sort of thing. The plan was to then go to the pub for dinner around the corner.

side note: I have a four week old and am breastfeeding so I personally am not doing any heavy drinking.

I left the pub earlier than everyone but I said to my husband that I didn't mind if everyone wanted to come back for a drink or two (this is where I clearly went wrong)

To cut a long story short they ended up having a bit of a party downstairs, lots of drinking until late and lots of shouting. I'm not that annoyed about the loudness because it didn't actually keep me or my baby up

But when I woke up this morning I went in to my toddlers room to find our other friend (who has his own house in the same city) asleep on the floor and HIS friend who I don't know and only met the night before asleep in my son's bed!

My husband said they could so I can't be annoyed with them too much but AIBU to be annoyed with my husband?? I know I said they could all come back for a drink but we aren't students and I didnt expect that to be misconstrued as anyone can stay over....

I've been miffed this morning and my husband has just as rude back to me saying I should get off my high horse for doing the glasses before him etc... Maybe he has a point? I just think it's a bit inappropriate seeing as we have a newborn...

I wouldn't have liked it. But with such a young baby I literally wouldn't have done anything in your opening post. No judgement it's just that for me with a new born I just wanted to be as alone in our little family unit as possible.

I think your either the kind of family that can go for drinks, host a bit of a party etc with a newborn or you're not. Both are fine, so long as all are on board. Sounds like where you draw the line isn't clear between you and your husband. I think you are both at fault here for lack of communication. Have a chat and be clear that by inviting people back for drinks you will allow X Y and Z to stay but not A B or C. And they must sleep in certain designated place.

Before I read it I was going to jump in with 'i' d beat them with nearest heavy object ' thinking random strangers were with your child. Title is massively misleading.

Honestly I wouldn't be bothered that much. Clearly had too much to drink and couldn't get home - - easily done when you haven't seen people in ages. OK so one you met briefly but he stayed with his mate who you know well. I dont really see how it's different from finding them asleep down stairs. Though I would have appreciated OH giving me a heads up people stayed over so I didn't wander round in my underwear, I wouldn't have a fight over it. Toddler wasn't there, guys didn't cause a problem - tell him to either let you know or get them a cab next time then back to normal. Life is too short to squabble.

@Mamamia7962

What size bed has your toddler got that an adult was able to fit in it?

Eh? All my kids had single beds!

I have been a specialist in child protection and can't understand why 2 men would ever in a toddler room. In any circumstance! I am a specialist in child protection and this is never ok , under any circumstance. Your husband knows that this is wrong and that you are right. In bed with toddler is never ok., Check DBS on these people you have a right. Go with you gut feeling, always right.

@Callyrae

I have been a specialist in child protection and can't understand why 2 men would ever in a toddler room. In any circumstance! I am a specialist in child protection and this is never ok , under any circumstance. Your husband knows that this is wrong and that you are right. In bed with toddler is never ok., Check DBS on these people you have a right. Go with you gut feeling, always right.

Try RTFT. The toddler wasn’t there.

Callyrae

I have been a specialist in child protection and can't understand why 2 men would ever in a toddler room. In any circumstance! I am a specialist in child protection and this is never ok , under any circumstance. Your husband knows that this is wrong and that you are right. In bed with toddler is never ok., Check DBS on these people you have a right. Go with you gut feeling, always right

Callyrae
When you were a specialist in CP did you have to read cases and understand what was going on before you made a judgement?

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all! I would have been fuming had I discovered that because you didn't know they were going to be staying and worse still, you didn't really know the man in your child's bed at all! He was just a friend of a friend! I think those who say you are being unreasonable seem to have missed that!
Also, you said ye have a sofa bed so I'd have been even more annoyed they slept in your child's room when they had that option! Furthermore, I'd have told my husband that he was bang out of order for letting the fella you don't know stay overnight AT ALL!
Don't let the sun set on this though; have a firm but calm talk to him about it tonight and tell him nothing like that can happen again, then let it go.

@Callyrae

I have been a specialist in child protection and can't understand why 2 men would ever in a toddler room. In any circumstance! I am a specialist in child protection and this is never ok , under any circumstance. Your husband knows that this is wrong and that you are right. In bed with toddler is never ok., Check DBS on these people you have a right. Go with you gut feeling, always right.

Did they not teach you to read English when they trained you to be a "specialist"?

@Callyrae

I have been a specialist in child protection and can't understand why 2 men would ever in a toddler room. In any circumstance! I am a specialist in child protection and this is never ok , under any circumstance. Your husband knows that this is wrong and that you are right. In bed with toddler is never ok., Check DBS on these people you have a right. Go with you gut feeling, always right.

Ignoring the fact you completely missed the fact the toddler wasn’t there - what on Earth “right” does the OP have to do DBS checks on someone who stayed in her house once?

DBS checks on your mates before they stay over (as they were the husbands mates)
That's a new one lol
Also in bed with the toddler?! The toddler WASN'T THERE
Was at their grandparents.

I would have been fuming had I discovered that because you didn't know they were going to be staying and worse still, you didn't really know the man in your child's bed at all! He was just a friend of a friend! I think those who say you are being unreasonable seem to have missed that!

Nope, I haven't missed that.
I am happy to take the word of a friend that I trust, that their friend is okay. How else do you ever get to know people that you don't already live with ? I'd take the assurance of a friend, combined with my instinct when I first meet a person over a DBS check any day of the week. DBS checks only find if a person has been caught doing something.

It is a shame @Callyrae that when you trained to "be a specialist" that training didn't include acquainting yourself with all the facts before pronouncing judgement. Aside from the fact that random people can't just demand a DBS check

@Callyrae

I have been a specialist in child protection and can't understand why 2 men would ever in a toddler room. In any circumstance! I am a specialist in child protection and this is never ok , under any circumstance. Your husband knows that this is wrong and that you are right. In bed with toddler is never ok., Check DBS on these people you have a right. Go with you gut feeling, always right.

@callyrae a Few points.

The toddler was not actually at home,or in the room. Stayed away that night

Child protection is a statutory process managed under safeguarding to address actual or potential abuse or neglect. It is not automatically enacted anytime someone stays over from the pub. The op actually invited the two acquaintances to stay over.

With any potential issue Safeguarding threshold required to be met this will be managed under a s47 enquiry which is responsible for determining what(if any) intervention is required and a decision is made whether or not to formally progress the safeguarding

DBS, you’re presumably discussing an enhanced CRB, the CRB check requires consent from individual. It cannot be requested without consent. No one has a right to compel another person to undertake a CRB

Yuck, just yuck!🤢
Drunk man's slobber and sweat all over your innocent little one's bed No, DH, No!

@Mama1993

Well I woke up before him and did the cleaning which he saw as being a bit passive aggressive and me being able to get on my high horse for doing so (probably true)

So you expressed your annoyance by cleaning up after them? That’s madness.

And cleaning the glasses was not passive aggressive, it was just passive.

He also lives there . You said it was ok to carry on drinking . I would have said change the sheets and pillow cases on your tiddlers bed and make sure he cleans up everything so it is nice and tidy and let you have a nice sleep with your baby if baby will allow .

Just clean the bedsheets and be grateful you're not lonely in life.

@Sweetpea1532

Yuck, just yuck!🤢 Drunk man's slobber and sweat all over your innocent little one's bed No, DH, No!

The drunk man is far more likely to catch something nasty from the various emissions of the little one

@Callyrae

I have been a specialist in child protection and can't understand why 2 men would ever in a toddler room. In any circumstance! I am a specialist in child protection and this is never ok , under any circumstance. Your husband knows that this is wrong and that you are right. In bed with toddler is never ok., Check DBS on these people you have a right. Go with you gut feeling, always right.

Go with you gut feeling, always right.

Gut feeling: you're round the bend!

Never thought the drunk man could've caught something nasty from the toddler's bed...I guess that's all the more reason dman shouldn't have been in a toddler's bed...poor judgement on his part all round

Obviously the party-time happiness, which carried on after OP had gone to bed, ended up with husband (unwisely perhaps) happily drunk, extending an invitation to the two blokes to stay the night "toddler away, wife won't mind...." He wakes up next day with OP being mad all over the gaff, when he still has not dealt with his hangover.

Not a great combo really!

Sort it out OP, it isn't worth it!