Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Woke up to two grown men sleeping in my toddlers bedroom

296 replies

Mama1993 · 17/07/2021 08:50

They are friends btw and my toddler is with his g/parents.

However... This is the story...

We had some friends staying over last night who we haven't seen in a long time, they live abroad and wanted to see us before they caught a flight tomorrow. We have a sofa bed so no problem.

We had some drinks in our garden in the evening with a few other close friends - we are a group of about 8 and it was a proper catch up sort of thing. The plan was to then go to the pub for dinner around the corner.

side note: I have a four week old and am breastfeeding so I personally am not doing any heavy drinking.

I left the pub earlier than everyone but I said to my husband that I didn't mind if everyone wanted to come back for a drink or two (this is where I clearly went wrong)

To cut a long story short they ended up having a bit of a party downstairs, lots of drinking until late and lots of shouting. I'm not that annoyed about the loudness because it didn't actually keep me or my baby up

But when I woke up this morning I went in to my toddlers room to find our other friend (who has his own house in the same city) asleep on the floor and HIS friend who I don't know and only met the night before asleep in my son's bed!

My husband said they could so I can't be annoyed with them too much but AIBU to be annoyed with my husband?? I know I said they could all come back for a drink but we aren't students and I didnt expect that to be misconstrued as anyone can stay over....

I've been miffed this morning and my husband has just as rude back to me saying I should get off my high horse for doing the glasses before him etc... Maybe he has a point? I just think it's a bit inappropriate seeing as we have a newborn...

OP posts:
Kokosrieksts · 17/07/2021 11:47

What’s the problem? It’s an empty bed and you had people staying over.

AhNowTed · 17/07/2021 11:49

[quote Fiddliestofsticks]@Bluntness100

She said the friend could stay. That had been agreed. Then husband decided another friend could stay (fine, it's still someone they know) but they brought their own friend along. Someone the OP didnt know; a stranger! And her husband said that person could stay too.[/quote]

Oh my god a stranger! Come on, this is ridiculous.

He had a get together, folks stayed over in an empty bedroom.

Wait till you have teens!

EmiliaAirheart · 17/07/2021 11:50

Surprised by these responses, although I suppose some are being contrarian or playing the cool wife for the sake of it. Half of MN loses their shit at the idea of their family or in laws popping by without prior notice or just a text message, let alone drunken friends and a complete stranger sleeping in their toddler's room without any discussion.

GivingItUp · 17/07/2021 11:53

The bigger question is..... Did he use your loo to have a poo Grin

Noterook · 17/07/2021 11:53

@EmiliaAirheart

Surprised by these responses, although I suppose some are being contrarian or playing the cool wife for the sake of it. Half of MN loses their shit at the idea of their family or in laws popping by without prior notice or just a text message, let alone drunken friends and a complete stranger sleeping in their toddler's room without any discussion.
Ah yes the cool girl insult, how pathetic.
Alviona · 17/07/2021 11:54

"My husband invited a friend to stay in a room that wasn't being used as my son was away. He didn't ask my permission so I've decided to make a fuss about nothing. AIBU?"

Why, yes. Yes, you are. You do not outrank your DH.

Blossomtoes · 17/07/2021 11:56

@EmiliaAirheart

Surprised by these responses, although I suppose some are being contrarian or playing the cool wife for the sake of it. Half of MN loses their shit at the idea of their family or in laws popping by without prior notice or just a text message, let alone drunken friends and a complete stranger sleeping in their toddler's room without any discussion.
God almighty does every reasonable, rational and sensible response to a situation have to bring out the “cool girl” insult? I’m very happy being a cool girl if the alternative is being a drama queen.
EspressoDoubleShot · 17/07/2021 12:14

These we’re not random strangers from pub they were known friends of dh
Clearly drunk they’ve all crashed at yours. It happens,Your baby was elesewhere so not at risk
Dh should clear up. Beyond that I came see point of making it into a row or it being a prolonged unpleasant vibe

pleasedonttextmyman · 17/07/2021 12:14

@EmiliaAirheart

Surprised by these responses, although I suppose some are being contrarian or playing the cool wife for the sake of it. Half of MN loses their shit at the idea of their family or in laws popping by without prior notice or just a text message, let alone drunken friends and a complete stranger sleeping in their toddler's room without any discussion.
Honestly leave the "cool wife" comments out if you don't to be called a controlling uptight bore.

They were the OP's husband friends.. not complete strangers picked randomly in the street Hmm, the toddler wasn't home.

Yes, it's a HUGE deal if your partners' friends sleep over. You must be so much fun to live with.

sausagepastapot · 17/07/2021 12:23

I also can't see the problem here.

EspressoDoubleShot · 17/07/2021 12:27

Right let’s get to the actual point,did these men use your toilet?did they rattle the porcelain
Now, using your toilet that the biggest mn crime going. So did they ask to use the toilet or just crack on with their smelly germ ridden bowel evacuation in your home. You may need to move home

Pigeonpocket · 17/07/2021 12:36

Don’t ever stay in a hotel, guest house, cottage then, they’ve had all sorts in those beds.

Well obviously, but that's for a few nights, not the bed you sleep in every night. Would you buy a used bed from a hotel to use as your main bed?

Teaandjam · 17/07/2021 12:36

Isn’t cool wife a misogynist term used to silence women who have an opinion different to yours?

Blossomtoes · 17/07/2021 12:37

@Teaandjam

Isn’t cool wife a misogynist term used to silence women who have an opinion different to yours?
Yup. That’s exactly what it is.
JustLyra · 17/07/2021 12:42

@EmiliaAirheart

Surprised by these responses, although I suppose some are being contrarian or playing the cool wife for the sake of it. Half of MN loses their shit at the idea of their family or in laws popping by without prior notice or just a text message, let alone drunken friends and a complete stranger sleeping in their toddler's room without any discussion.
Ah yes. Obviously only the cool wives (that’s such a playground level insult) wouldn’t go nuts at people that the OP knew was in her house, was involved in inviting to her house, staying over unplanned when the night obviously went later than planned.

It’s not like the DH went to the pub and brought back a bunch of randoms.

pigsDOfly · 17/07/2021 12:46

I understand where you're coming from OP.

I wouldn't be happy with some drunk man I'd met for the first time that evening sleeping in my toddler's bed either.

Hopefully, he didn't dribble into the pillow.

Brefugee · 17/07/2021 12:47

We'd be the cool wives because we have the best parties where we don't chuck everyone out ...

Frankly? OP can't insist that nobody ever stay again as much as her DH can't insist that strangers sleep there every night. They should compromise.

But i really don't get the issue aside of the PA cleaning which OP said she's working on. They didn't even disturb her and the baby.

Truthseeker456 · 17/07/2021 12:48

At first I thought your toddler was there! Bit annoying but I wouldn't worry too much as long as he doesn't make a habit of it

Ingloriousbasterd · 17/07/2021 12:57

Wouldn't bother me in the slightest..just wash the bedding/ask your oh too? Life is short..this seems to be making a mountain out of a molehill.

TheSunShinesBrighter · 17/07/2021 12:58

There is not a chance I would agree to a post pub piss up and sleepover in my house 4 weeks after giving birth.

In the very unlikely event my DH decided to invite his friends and friends of friends over for the above (whilst I was upstairs BF my 4 week old baby) I would expect him to get up at the crack of dawn and erase any trace of the previous nights events before I got up myself.

YANBU

Alcemeg · 17/07/2021 13:05

@Mama1993

The issue was that my newborn is and I wasn't expecting such a party/random guy I don't really know staying over
Sounds more sensible than getting him to drive home.

Also tidier than finding them on the floor of the lounge!

Enjoy your pastries!

slashlover · 17/07/2021 13:07

@TheSunShinesBrighter

There is not a chance I would agree to a post pub piss up and sleepover in my house 4 weeks after giving birth.

In the very unlikely event my DH decided to invite his friends and friends of friends over for the above (whilst I was upstairs BF my 4 week old baby) I would expect him to get up at the crack of dawn and erase any trace of the previous nights events before I got up myself.

YANBU

Did you miss the part where OP invited people to the post pub piss up and knew people would be sleeping over?

We have a sofa bed so no problem.

I left the pub earlier than everyone but I said to my husband that I didn't mind if everyone wanted to come back for a drink or two (this is where I clearly went wrong)

TheSunShinesBrighter · 17/07/2021 13:15

slash - Did you miss the part where OP invited people to the post pub piss up and knew people would be sleeping over?

Yeh, I’m not the OP.
My post was about what I would/wouldn’t have done with a 4 week BF baby in the house.
Despite that, the OP is NBU to be pissed off that friends of friends turned up and she was left to clear up.

TeeBee · 17/07/2021 13:16

I'm with your husband on this one. Presumably it's his house too. Sorry if I've got that wrong and it's not.

TheSunShinesBrighter · 17/07/2021 13:16

I assumed she invited just the people she knew back?

Swipe left for the next trending thread