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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Woke up to two grown men sleeping in my toddlers bedroom

296 replies

Mama1993 · 17/07/2021 08:50

They are friends btw and my toddler is with his g/parents.

However... This is the story...

We had some friends staying over last night who we haven't seen in a long time, they live abroad and wanted to see us before they caught a flight tomorrow. We have a sofa bed so no problem.

We had some drinks in our garden in the evening with a few other close friends - we are a group of about 8 and it was a proper catch up sort of thing. The plan was to then go to the pub for dinner around the corner.

side note: I have a four week old and am breastfeeding so I personally am not doing any heavy drinking.

I left the pub earlier than everyone but I said to my husband that I didn't mind if everyone wanted to come back for a drink or two (this is where I clearly went wrong)

To cut a long story short they ended up having a bit of a party downstairs, lots of drinking until late and lots of shouting. I'm not that annoyed about the loudness because it didn't actually keep me or my baby up

But when I woke up this morning I went in to my toddlers room to find our other friend (who has his own house in the same city) asleep on the floor and HIS friend who I don't know and only met the night before asleep in my son's bed!

My husband said they could so I can't be annoyed with them too much but AIBU to be annoyed with my husband?? I know I said they could all come back for a drink but we aren't students and I didnt expect that to be misconstrued as anyone can stay over....

I've been miffed this morning and my husband has just as rude back to me saying I should get off my high horse for doing the glasses before him etc... Maybe he has a point? I just think it's a bit inappropriate seeing as we have a newborn...

OP posts:
LovelyIssues · 18/07/2021 20:01

I would find it hilarious personally!

BackforGood · 18/07/2021 20:06

Ridiculously OTT and click-baity thread title. Hmm

YABU.
You both were with some friends.
You invited them back to your house.
Although you (understandably) went to bed early, you weren't disturbed by them staying, and you had in fact invited them.
Your dh said they could crash, save either a long walk or a taxi presumably (?) and, despite having had a few drinks still didn't disturb you.

I can't see where the issue is Confused

Teaandjam · 18/07/2021 20:12

@BackforGood

Ridiculously OTT and click-baity thread title. Hmm

YABU.
You both were with some friends.
You invited them back to your house.
Although you (understandably) went to bed early, you weren't disturbed by them staying, and you had in fact invited them.
Your dh said they could crash, save either a long walk or a taxi presumably (?) and, despite having had a few drinks still didn't disturb you.

I can't see where the issue is Confused

I agree about the title. I can’t believe a parenting forum has allowed this to say up unedited. But like you say it gets the clicks so I doubt they care.
Lilymossflower · 18/07/2021 20:16

I'm shocked that 50% think it's ok. Your husband let a pretty much rando sleep in toddlers bed ?! Disgusting

GreyhoundG1rl · 18/07/2021 20:21

@Lilymossflower

I'm shocked that 50% think it's ok. Your husband let a pretty much rando sleep in toddlers bed ?! Disgusting
Yes, that's exactly what happened.
Crummyfunnymummy · 18/07/2021 20:21

I would have been fuming!

GreyhoundG1rl · 18/07/2021 20:22

😂

BackforGood · 18/07/2021 20:22

Have you not read the thread @Lilymossflower ? Or even just the OP's posts ?

Bebethany · 18/07/2021 20:26

Lots of mixed messages? I’d be annoyed if I was your neighbour though, or maybe you live in a detached property and isolated?

Mockolate · 18/07/2021 20:28

@SchadenfreudePersonified
@MiddleParking

Was your toddler in there? I would hit the fucking roof.

THIS ^

Whether you know them or not, trust them or not - this isn't on!
Remember - almost all child sexual abuse is committed by people that the family know and trust.
I'd go fcking MENTAL - and I would have woken the buggers up and chucked them out.*

They and you husband should have more sense - I can only assume that they were too pssed to think clearly, but that doesn't make it any better. What if they'd vomited/peed in your child's room? Or your toddler had woken up to two strange men in their room?*

The OP clearly says in their opening sentence that toddler was staying at their grandparents so wasn't there.
OP, I'm on the fence - on the one hand they were told they could stay over (implied from we have a sofa bed no problem)
Sounds like you said they could come back - and when they did they didn't keep you or baby awake.
Wouldn't have liked the idea of anyone other than my child sleeping in their bed though, I remember how I felt when mine were younger and wouldn't have felt comfortable with that, even though they hadn't really done anything wrong!

m0therofdragons · 18/07/2021 20:39

Sounds like a really fun night Blush

BrumCahoots · 18/07/2021 20:45

Fair play to you !! When I had 4 week old babies I couldn't have contemplated going out or having people over .. and I would probably have hit the bloody roof over this !! .. ( I'm 55 now .. so had babies a long time ago ... but I'd have lost my shit snd I still would!!!)

RMNMummy · 18/07/2021 20:47

Oops! I voted wrongly - I voted YANBU but now that I clarified toddler was NOT in the bed then YA ABSOLUTELY BU!

What is wrong with your friend sleeping in a spare bed?

If your toddler was in it it would be a whole different story altogether but because they’re not, you really need to calm down.

RMNMummy · 18/07/2021 20:49

@BackforGood

Ridiculously OTT and click-baity thread title. Hmm

YABU.
You both were with some friends.
You invited them back to your house.
Although you (understandably) went to bed early, you weren't disturbed by them staying, and you had in fact invited them.
Your dh said they could crash, save either a long walk or a taxi presumably (?) and, despite having had a few drinks still didn't disturb you.

I can't see where the issue is Confused

Tooooootally agree!
RMNMummy · 18/07/2021 20:50

@allthegoodusernameshavegone

I don’t see the issue, the toddler wasn’t there however what is the issue if the toddler was there?
Urmmm, y’know... Roughly 90% of sexual abuse being someone a child knows personally? That’s what would be wrong, period.
bakingdemon · 18/07/2021 20:51

I would not be happy with this - someone you barely know sleeping in your child's bed. To me family rooms are very private and absolutely not to be shared without full discussion between me and DH. Plus it's incredibly inconsiderate of DH to invite people back to the house at all, let alone making noise and a mess, when you have a newborn.

I would have been hoovering noisily at 7am.

Americano75 · 18/07/2021 21:02

@RMNMummy

Oops! I voted wrongly - I voted YANBU but now that I clarified toddler was NOT in the bed then YA ABSOLUTELY BU!

What is wrong with your friend sleeping in a spare bed?

If your toddler was in it it would be a whole different story altogether but because they’re not, you really need to calm down.

He wasn't a friend though, he was a friend of a friend. Total stranger.
PennineLEC · 18/07/2021 21:15

I can't believe how 'reasonable' everyone is being! The fact that she has a newborn has everything to do with it!

It's totally unnecessary allowing these other friends to stay. They should have got a taxi - they are grown adults. You have a tiny baby and great that you both slept but your husband didn't know that would be the case. He should have been sensitive to that. You two are the priority not the two friends who live in the city and couldn't be arsed/were too drunk to go home. Why should you have to change the bedding - you have a new baby and a break from the toddler.

Toddler bedroom absolutely out of bounds be honest and I would be fuming!

Maybe it's because I'm an older Mum and my drinking days are behind me I really have no patience with people being drunk/crashing out in my house anymore!

NigellaSeed · 18/07/2021 21:24

I'm with you on this OP - although maybe because my drinking days are looooong gone but I would be furious if I woke up to a friend of a friend (so a stranger to me) in my kids bed?? I wouldn't want a stranger to sleep in my bed, whether it's easy to change my sheets or not, and I treat my child how I want to be treated so id hate the thought of some rando being in his room. Nah.

Localocal · 18/07/2021 21:31

His house too. As long as he did the tidying I don't see a big problem.

Original poster
Mama1993 · 18/07/2021 22:33

I haven't read all the replies because I haven't had time yet but glad to see there's a 50/50 response as I think I was also on the fence about the situation hence asking the question.

Apologies to anyone who was annoyed or triggered by the title, not my intention but see how that happened.

I know I opened the door to the whole situation by inviting everyone back for a drink because my friend who we hadn't seen in two years was staying and I knew people had more catching up to do! I was fine with him staying over because he actually said he wanted a quiet evening, his girlfriend who was also staying on the sofa bed went to bed at the same time as I did and the noise kept her up all night. I was more annoyed about my other friend staying over (who could have had a ten minute taxi cab home) he's also known to vomit and piss the bed lol. And his friend who I did not know sleeping in my kids bed and me finding out by walking in to that room in my dressing gown that morning - thankfully both were still very much asleep.

Those who have made suggestions about feeling extra sensitive due to newborn are probably not far off the mark, I definitely feel a bit more emotional and maybe irrational about the situation... However I can't keep blaming my hormones forever 🤣

To the poster who thought I was hard work - I'm actually an absolute scream ordinarily and my husband would vouch for that! ;)

OP posts:
Original poster
Mama1993 · 18/07/2021 22:36

@bakingdemon

I would not be happy with this - someone you barely know sleeping in your child's bed. To me family rooms are very private and absolutely not to be shared without full discussion between me and DH. Plus it's incredibly inconsiderate of DH to invite people back to the house at all, let alone making noise and a mess, when you have a newborn.

I would have been hoovering noisily at 7am.

Haha I did have to stop myself from reaching for the hoover.

In fairness it was me that invited them back, I just expected them to stay until 11/12 and not the whole night.

OP posts:
Blossomtoes · 18/07/2021 22:58

@Lilymossflower

I'm shocked that 50% think it's ok. Your husband let a pretty much rando sleep in toddlers bed ?! Disgusting
You do know the toddler wasn’t in the bed?
Toomuchtrouble4me · 18/07/2021 23:28

It wouldn’t bother me at all as a one-off. I wouldn’t have cleaned up though but I understand why you did.

llizzie · 18/07/2021 23:31

Lockdown easing is on 19th. Are you sure you can have all that many people in your garden?

Were they all double vaccinated? Did they all have negative tests? How can people go on a plane after mixing with so many?

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