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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Woke up to two grown men sleeping in my toddlers bedroom

296 replies

Mama1993 · 17/07/2021 08:50

They are friends btw and my toddler is with his g/parents.

However... This is the story...

We had some friends staying over last night who we haven't seen in a long time, they live abroad and wanted to see us before they caught a flight tomorrow. We have a sofa bed so no problem.

We had some drinks in our garden in the evening with a few other close friends - we are a group of about 8 and it was a proper catch up sort of thing. The plan was to then go to the pub for dinner around the corner.

side note: I have a four week old and am breastfeeding so I personally am not doing any heavy drinking.

I left the pub earlier than everyone but I said to my husband that I didn't mind if everyone wanted to come back for a drink or two (this is where I clearly went wrong)

To cut a long story short they ended up having a bit of a party downstairs, lots of drinking until late and lots of shouting. I'm not that annoyed about the loudness because it didn't actually keep me or my baby up

But when I woke up this morning I went in to my toddlers room to find our other friend (who has his own house in the same city) asleep on the floor and HIS friend who I don't know and only met the night before asleep in my son's bed!

My husband said they could so I can't be annoyed with them too much but AIBU to be annoyed with my husband?? I know I said they could all come back for a drink but we aren't students and I didnt expect that to be misconstrued as anyone can stay over....

I've been miffed this morning and my husband has just as rude back to me saying I should get off my high horse for doing the glasses before him etc... Maybe he has a point? I just think it's a bit inappropriate seeing as we have a newborn...

OP posts:
notacooldad · 17/07/2021 09:24

It would be a huge issue if th
e tiddler was there but seeingvthatvthey weren't it's a complete non issue.
and maybe we were being bad parents? eh?Confused

The issue was that my newborn is and I wasn't expecting such a party/random guy I don't really know staying over
But they are not randomers that were plucked from the street. They are your husbands friends.
Ask DH not to invite randoms to sleep in future
See previous sentence. They are friends ( unless there is a drip feed coming,)

Twoforthree · 17/07/2021 09:28

They had a good time during a pandemic. Good for them. You shouldn’t have done the cleaning or bed changing though.

AnUnoriginalUsername · 17/07/2021 09:31

I would be fuming with DH if I woke up to strange men sleeping in my house.

merrymouse · 17/07/2021 09:32

I wouldn’t be particularly concerned about somebody sleeping in a toddlers bed if they weren’t there.

I WOULD be cross if I hadn’t been consulted about people staying over if I were breastfeeding a very new baby, because I would want to be able to control my privacy in that situation.

I’d be less worried about where people were sleeping and more concerned about unexpectedly finding them wondering around the house in the middle of the night when I was trying to deal with the baby.

RyanAirVeteran · 17/07/2021 09:32

You sound like very hard work.

casualnamechange · 17/07/2021 09:33

Because that's the sort of passive aggressive thing I do when I'm annoyed.

This is more of an issue IMO. Hate passive aggressive behaviour.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 17/07/2021 09:34

@MiddleParking

Was your toddler in there? I would hit the fucking roof.
THIS ^

Whether you know them or not, trust them or not - this isn't on!

Remember - almost all child sexual abuse is committed by people that the family know and trust.

I'd go f*cking MENTAL - and I would have woken the buggers up and chucked them out.

They and you husband should have more sense - I can only assume that they were too p*ssed to think clearly, but that doesn't make it any better. What if they'd vomited/peed in your child's room? Or your toddler had woken up to two strange men in their room?

Bloody disgraceful!

wedswench · 17/07/2021 09:34

I wouldn't care. The alternative that he wake me up to ask would have annoyed me more.

As Kong as he's doing the sheets it doesn't really matter

Geamhradh · 17/07/2021 09:34

@Teenyton

The title of the thread is a bit clickbaity :) so your DH and his friends came home and the guys slept in your kid's room who wasn't even at home? If they messed the place up a little annoying, but not a biggie?
Quite. "My husband invited the person we'd been out with all night to crash at ours" doesn't have quite the same thrill though, does it?
Geamhradh · 17/07/2021 09:35

@SchadenfreudePersonified
Read the OP.

Original poster
Mama1993 · 17/07/2021 09:35

@casualnamechange

Because that's the sort of passive aggressive thing I do when I'm annoyed.

This is more of an issue IMO. Hate passive aggressive behaviour.

Yes I'm working on it. Doesn't happen often but agree it's an awful quality
OP posts:
SchadenfreudePersonified · 17/07/2021 09:35

Oh - sorry - just seen the toddler wan't there - but I don't care. I wouldn't want two drunks kipping in my child's room.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 17/07/2021 09:36

[quote Geamhradh]@SchadenfreudePersonified
Read the OP.[/quote]
I have now - am suitably chastened.

Whyo · 17/07/2021 09:37

@SmallPrawnEnergy yes I corrected that. Irony.

FangsForTheMemory · 17/07/2021 09:37

I would only be annoyed if either of the guys had been smoking, in which case I'd be ahem fewmin.

wedswench · 17/07/2021 09:38

My ex DH used to do passive aggressive cleaning. I loved it!

I find passive aggressive not cleaning to be more of a punishment

merrymouse · 17/07/2021 09:38

Doesn't happen often but agree it's an awful quality

I don’t know - at least the house is clean!

Aprilx · 17/07/2021 09:40

I think you are being ridiculous. You are in your high horse about “not being students” but you tell your husband it is ok to invite eight people back to your house after dinner. If I go out for dinner with eight friends, we would typically all go back to our respective homes afterwards. If one were to invite everyone back, I would assume it was to relive our student days.

Aprilx · 17/07/2021 09:41

*on

IdblowJonSnow · 17/07/2021 09:41

Were you supposed to let your hungover DH wake up late and let him do it?
I'd be annoyed if people got pissed in my house and were noisy if I had a 4 week old because it's thoughtless to me, but that's a personal thing and I appreciate many people wouldn't feel like that.

Glitteryfox · 17/07/2021 09:41

I wouldn’t like this either. I would feel really upset and angry - almost as though my child was disrespected by having some drunk stranger in his lovely, comfortable, safe little bedroom like it’s no big deal. I know that is probably illogical. Would definitely not have wanted people around my newborn with no notice in the morning either. I would feel a bit vulnerable in new mum mode and not happy for everybody to just be there. The night before would have been ok because it was preplanned and not ‘family time’.

I did often allow my husband’s best friend to stay over at my place when we went on nights out. My son wasn’t there but loved coming home in the morning and finding him there! But the difference is that I’d agreed to it, I knew him well, my child knew him well and he’d never have dreamed of suggesting he should stay in my child’s room! He slept on the settee.

slashlover · 17/07/2021 09:41

What a dramatic headline for two friends who got drunk sleeping it off in your toddlers room, while your toddler wasn't even there.

Looubylou · 17/07/2021 09:42

I'd be rampaging, if a man I wasn't familiar with, slept in my toddlers bed. Infact, I would if drunk male friend did too. I might be able to cope with an extra clean, no bad habits, female friend. who had prior permission 😂

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 17/07/2021 09:44

You're being ridiculous.

Mountain.

Molehill.

Tulips15 · 17/07/2021 09:44

I wouldnt be happy with this at all.

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