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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Woke up to two grown men sleeping in my toddlers bedroom

296 replies

Mama1993 · 17/07/2021 08:50

They are friends btw and my toddler is with his g/parents.

However... This is the story...

We had some friends staying over last night who we haven't seen in a long time, they live abroad and wanted to see us before they caught a flight tomorrow. We have a sofa bed so no problem.

We had some drinks in our garden in the evening with a few other close friends - we are a group of about 8 and it was a proper catch up sort of thing. The plan was to then go to the pub for dinner around the corner.

side note: I have a four week old and am breastfeeding so I personally am not doing any heavy drinking.

I left the pub earlier than everyone but I said to my husband that I didn't mind if everyone wanted to come back for a drink or two (this is where I clearly went wrong)

To cut a long story short they ended up having a bit of a party downstairs, lots of drinking until late and lots of shouting. I'm not that annoyed about the loudness because it didn't actually keep me or my baby up

But when I woke up this morning I went in to my toddlers room to find our other friend (who has his own house in the same city) asleep on the floor and HIS friend who I don't know and only met the night before asleep in my son's bed!

My husband said they could so I can't be annoyed with them too much but AIBU to be annoyed with my husband?? I know I said they could all come back for a drink but we aren't students and I didnt expect that to be misconstrued as anyone can stay over....

I've been miffed this morning and my husband has just as rude back to me saying I should get off my high horse for doing the glasses before him etc... Maybe he has a point? I just think it's a bit inappropriate seeing as we have a newborn...

OP posts:
ejhhhhh · 17/07/2021 10:48

I can see your point but I can imagine how it's happened. DH is in a jolly mood after a few bevvies and generously offers his house as a crash pad. If your toddler wasn't there it's not the end of the world. I'd like to say you should have left all the clearing up to him, but passively aggressively clearing up before he has a chance is something I know I'd also do. It's the sort of thing my OH gets annoyed about too, and probably something I need to work on as my OH would get around to clearing up eventually. If your OH is the same, I'd just explain calmly that you'd rather he thought again about inviting random guests to stay at the last minute, that it's difficult with a new born, and blame your passive aggressive tidying on the new baby hormones, but ask him to do all the rest of the clearing up.

Doodlebug71 · 17/07/2021 10:50

My husband said they could so I can't be annoyed with them too much but AIBU to be annoyed with my husband?? I know I said they could all come back for a drink but we aren't students and I didnt expect that to be misconstrued as anyone can stay over....

That is the problem. You didn't say people could stay over. You said they could come back for a drink. At this point during covid, finding anyone not part of your household asleep in a bed is bad. Finding a stranger is horrible.

Pigeonpocket · 17/07/2021 10:52

I wouldn't like it. A drunk man is more likely to vomit, or sweat through a pillowcase, or might have been smoking. I wouldn't be happy with them sleeping in my toddler's bed, even if sheets can be washed, bodily fluids can and do get through sheets.

I'd also be put out by being 4 weeks postpartum and waking to find someone I didn't know asleep in my house unexpectedly. I used to wander around with my boobs out constantly at that stage because it was easier!

If there was a good reason for it like an emergency then I'd understand, but some drunk people couldn't be arsed to go home?

Blossomtoes · 17/07/2021 10:53

As long as you’re not the one washing the sheets and remaking the bed I can’t see the problem.

JustLyra · 17/07/2021 10:55

I think it would have been much worse if your DH had woken you up to say “X is staying, that ok” or “it’s got so late we can’t get Y a cab so I’ve said they can crash”.

gluteustothemaximus · 17/07/2021 10:56

Yuck. Drunk men in toddler bedroom.

A loud party in the house even though you have a 4 week old. You weren't disturbed, but it sounds like they couldn't have cared less anyway, or they wouldn't have been so loud/shouting.

I'd be pissed off too.

WorraLiberty · 17/07/2021 11:01

@Teenyton

The title of the thread is a bit clickbaity :) so your DH and his friends came home and the guys slept in your kid's room who wasn't even at home? If they messed the place up a little annoying, but not a biggie?
I agree.

I think more communication is needed between you and your DH, OP.

Hankunamatata · 17/07/2021 11:01

You made the mistake cleaning. I would have just retreated back to bed with decaf coffee Grin.

It sounds like a one off op.

EwwSprouts · 17/07/2021 11:02

*The only issue I’d have is not wanting to be around strangers so soon postpartum. But you did say he could have people stay over and you didn’t stipulate where or who. So yes sorry but you’re being unreasonable.

Pop back to bed with the baby and let him change the toddler sheets etc as you did the dishes already. Say you’re sorry you overreacted*

LOL YANBU and you do not owe any apology. Saying friends can come back for a drink is not inviting them to stay over, especially when they live in the same town. With a new born I would have expected DH to be more considerate.

Blossomtoes · 17/07/2021 11:05

A loud party in the house even though you have a 4 week old. You weren't disturbed, but it sounds like they couldn't have cared less anyway, or they wouldn't have been so loud/shouting

It couldn’t have been loud/shouting or OP would have woken up.

maddiemookins16mum · 17/07/2021 11:05

This is such a let dowm.
When you see
‘Woke up to two grown men sleeping…….’ in the side bar you expect more than this.
I’m disappointed.
YANB that U, I’d be a bit miffed but hey, it’s time to move on.
No real harm as been done.

FredBlankenship · 17/07/2021 11:07

@minipie

Well your thread title is a bit sensationalist isn’t it?
It was funny (the title) unintended I'm sure, but it shows up on MN as: "Woke up to two grown men sleeping in....." and I clicked on it expecting to read "...my bed!"

To be serious, I think it is a bit much - a party when you have a newborn, however, these are strange times - was it his first such incident since the birth of your new baby, has he been supportive until this incident? If so consider letting him know he owes you one, and accept it was probably down to too much alcohol.

As indeed would probably had been the case, if the thread been what I expected it to be! Blush

maddiemookins16mum · 17/07/2021 11:07

@Pigeonpocket

I wouldn't like it. A drunk man is more likely to vomit, or sweat through a pillowcase, or might have been smoking. I wouldn't be happy with them sleeping in my toddler's bed, even if sheets can be washed, bodily fluids can and do get through sheets.

I'd also be put out by being 4 weeks postpartum and waking to find someone I didn't know asleep in my house unexpectedly. I used to wander around with my boobs out constantly at that stage because it was easier!

If there was a good reason for it like an emergency then I'd understand, but some drunk people couldn't be arsed to go home?

Don’t ever stay in a hotel, guest house, cottage then, they’ve had all sorts in those beds.
Teaandjam · 17/07/2021 11:09

The title of your post is deliberately misleading and triggering Biscuit

GivingItUp · 17/07/2021 11:11

I wouldn't want a stranger to stay over especially in my child's bed

MurielSpriggs · 17/07/2021 11:13

Complete non-issue.

Abraxan · 17/07/2021 11:13

PA move. Why didn't you just leave it?

To be fair I'd have done the same. I wouldn't have been wanting to sort my breakfast out and have a relaxing morning cuppa amongst a ton of washing up and mess in the kitchen and living room.

Plus knowing there were other people in the house I'd be feeling that I needed to make myself presentable - 4 weeks after having Dd I wasn't really at my best in a morning!

Abraxan · 17/07/2021 11:18

I also don't think it's a problem to have a rule that no one sleeps in your child's room, when they're not there, unless it's pretty arranged abd agreed bu you both.

No one bar DD's own friends/family have slept in her bedroom or her bed, with it without her - and she's 19.

Guests can sleep in the spare room or the double bed in the study, but not in her room. It's her private space.

We also don't have people sleeping in the lounge anymore much these days as I hate that musty sleeping sleep a room gets. It's a rare thing here to have someone on an air bed or camp bed in the living room. And I've never let anyone sleep on the sofa!

We do actually have a number of overnight guests in normal times but we are lucky enough to have two other beds and rooms available.

Dutch1e · 17/07/2021 11:23

The title of your post is deliberately misleading and triggering

Definitely. I got chills reading the title and thought carefully before opening the thread. That's not OPs responsibility but perhaps something to bear in mind.

I'm quite glad now that I did read it. No toddlers harmed, just 2 invited guests given permission to sleep in an empty bedroom.

takealettermsjones · 17/07/2021 11:25

YABU for that bloody title. Should have been "our friends slept in an empty bedroom rather than on the sofa bed."

diddl · 17/07/2021 11:31

I'd be annoyed that I didn't know that there were other people in the house until I came across them.

I suppose given the circs it wasn't a total suprise that people stayed over though?

I wouldn't be doing any clearing up though-PS or otherwise!

allyouneedisconnection · 17/07/2021 11:34

I don't think it would bother me.

Bluntness100 · 17/07/2021 11:40

But will certainly be making it a rule that no strangers will be allowed to stay over if either of our children are home regardless of age

What? You said they were friends? Now they are strangers?

Is this even a serious thread? You had some friends over, your husband allowed them to stay in an empty room, you weren’t disturbed, neither was your child.

What exactly is the issue. .

Fiddliestofsticks · 17/07/2021 11:45

@Bluntness100

She said the friend could stay. That had been agreed. Then husband decided another friend could stay (fine, it's still someone they know) but they brought their own friend along. Someone the OP didnt know; a stranger! And her husband said that person could stay too.

Ilikeknitting · 17/07/2021 11:46

Struggling to find what your issue is really.

You had a party, a few guests crashed at yours. You was not disturbed, the children were not disturbed.
Pick your battles.

I feel bad for your husband. Should he have woke to seek your permission before inviting friends to stop over. I really can’t see your problem!