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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Seeing family for a month, DH says no

428 replies

Husbandswife · 16/07/2021 18:54

Need advice - I’ve only been at home once in the last 2 years. I want to go visit my family for a month in September, taking my three year old. My DH says it’s too long and I can go for that length but I can’t take our child. AIBU?

OP posts:
Halfwaytoholiday · 16/07/2021 18:57

How far away/do you work/what is the relationship like in general?
What would happen if you called his bluff, could he look after the child on his own? (with his work)
It's nice that he would miss his child. But I don't think he should be laying down the law, if you live somewhere where it makes sense to go for a longer trip (if it's like an hour away from home you are unreasonable!)

warmfluffytowels · 16/07/2021 18:58

Hmm, I'm torn.

Where are you going that you need to be away for a month?

DeathMetalMum · 16/07/2021 18:59

Would you DH not be going with you? I can see why he wouldn't be happy if you would both be gone for a month that's a long time.

Could you go for a shorter time? Or you all go together for a week or two and then you stay on for an extra week?

PersonaNonGarter · 16/07/2021 19:00

It’s a long time for DH to be without his DS - can he join in the middle?

Unsoliciteddeckpic · 16/07/2021 19:00

I wouldn't be happy with my childbbeing away for a month, tbh.

GreenCrayon · 16/07/2021 19:00

I can sort of see your DHs side, a month is a veyy long time to not see her at all. Is there no way he could come for at least part of the trip?

staringstepan · 16/07/2021 19:00

Hmm, that's tricky.

Would you mind not seeing DC for a month?

How far away do they live?

Original poster
Husbandswife · 16/07/2021 19:00

It’s not a long trip away, it’s only an hour flight so he could come for weekends. I’m not working in September, so that’s why I’m able to go.
And no, there’s no way he could do drop off/pick up etc on his own, it takes both of us

OP posts:
Icecreamsoda99 · 16/07/2021 19:01

My husband would be heartbroken if I took my daughter away for so long so I don't think it's necessarily controlling, we had to live apart for a house move and he found it so difficult. How far away is it and what does he think is a reasonable time to take them for, could you DH come for part of the time?

ineedaholidaynow · 16/07/2021 19:01

How would you like it if DH took your 3 year old away for a month?

StepladderToHeaven · 16/07/2021 19:01

I think you're both being a bit unreasonable here.

A month is a long time to be away. Does it have to be that long?

But I don't like your DH's response. He should be able to discuss it sensibly without handing out ultimatums.

WoMandalorian · 16/07/2021 19:01

Could he join for the 2 weeks in the middle? Then he'll only miss DC and you a week either side.

GreenCrayon · 16/07/2021 19:02

@Husbandswife

It’s not a long trip away, it’s only an hour flight so he could come for weekends. I’m not working in September, so that’s why I’m able to go. And no, there’s no way he could do drop off/pick up etc on his own, it takes both of us
Is there no way your family could come and visit you for part of it if its such a short journey?
LtDansleg · 16/07/2021 19:03

Could you go for 3 weeks with him joining you for one of the weeks? I wouldn’t allow my oh to take any of our children away for a month

Sexnotgender · 16/07/2021 19:04

I’d be upset at DH taking my child away for a month.

You need to discuss it and reach a compromise.

Hankunamatata · 16/07/2021 19:04

Could he take leave for a week or two as well?

Blacktothepink · 16/07/2021 19:04

Who will look after dc when you’re not there?

Planty13 · 16/07/2021 19:06

Cut it to three weeks and he stays for a week in the middle? It is a long time

IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves · 16/07/2021 19:06

I couldn't be apart from my child for a month. Could you?

Thadhiya · 16/07/2021 19:07

@Blacktothepink

Who will look after dc when you’re not there?
What?

She wants to take the child with her, not leave some behind. She's looking after it.

There aren't others, unless I'm missing something.

AnneLovesGilbert · 16/07/2021 19:07

I wouldn’t be okay with DH taking DD away for a month, I wouldn’t be okay with him going away for a month tbh unless it was essential which this isn’t.

Cocomarine · 16/07/2021 19:07

No way would I want to be without my 3yo for a month!
Unless he’s an utterly shit uninvolved dad now, YABU.
It’s all very well saying he can fly at weekends - but where are you that you’re concerned about Covid impacting that? Is it an hour within same country? And if I was working all week, I wouldn’t want to be flying for a very short weekend.

I’d probably support my partner seeing their family, but only if I could get at least 4 days out there in the middle of it.

Lou98 · 16/07/2021 19:08

To be fair I can see your husbands side - he's not saying you can't go, he doesn't want his child to go for a month. Which is fair enough, no way would I be happy to not see my child for a month.

You say he could come on weekends - could you not come back home on the weekends? I'm assuming from your posts that he's at work mon-fri so don't really think it's fair the only way he can see his son is to do an hours trip back and forth every weekend.

Could you not take your child for say 2 weeks and come home for the weekend then fly back for the last two weeks yourself?

Would you be happy not to see your child for a month?

Stompythedinosaur · 16/07/2021 19:09

Of course you are being unreasonable! Taking a young dc away from a parent for that long is not good for them, and would be awful for your dh too.

Just go for a more reasonable period.

Unsoliciteddeckpic · 16/07/2021 19:09

@Husbandswife

It’s not a long trip away, it’s only an hour flight so he could come for weekends. I’m not working in September, so that’s why I’m able to go. And no, there’s no way he could do drop off/pick up etc on his own, it takes both of us
They why go for a month.

If you can come and go from where it is, you could do during the rest of the year.

Is it somewhere you would potentially not be able to get back from?

You have a month off, don't you want to spend time with your husband? Just you 3?

I wouldn't be happy having to spend 4 weekends in a row flying back and forth just to see my own child and partner.

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