Seeing family for a month, DH says no

[Husbandswife]

Need advice - I’ve only been at home once in the last 2 years. I want to go visit my family for a month in September, taking my three year old. My DH says it’s too long and I can go for that length but I can’t take our child. AIBU?

Go twice for a week, a month is far too long.

To be honest, your husband is being unreasonable. I've done this in the past and partner has been fine with it and even enjoyed a little alone time.
Maybe you could compromise with 3 weeks?

To all those asking if you'd be happy if DH took your child away for a month, I think id be pretty overjoyed as long as I knew they were being well looked after and prioritised etc. I'd LOVE some alone time to do my own thing!

@Dalooah

To be honest, your husband is being unreasonable. I've done this in the past and partner has been fine with it and even enjoyed a little alone time. Maybe you could compromise with 3 weeks?

To all those asking if you'd be happy if DH took your child away for a month, I think id be pretty overjoyed as long as I knew they were being well looked after and prioritised etc. I'd LOVE some alone time to do my own thing!

But your partner was happy with it.

Ops, isnt.

So it's not a similar situation.

If they're only an hour away why can't you just go a week at a time?

I think it's too long to take DC for a month.

To be honest, your husband is being unreasonable. I've done this in the past and partner has been fine with it and even enjoyed a little alone time.

He's not at all unreasonable. It's great that worked for your family, but just because your partner didn't mind doesn't make the OPs husband unreasonable. He doesn't want to spend a whole month away from his 3 year old, I suspect most parents of young children would feel similar.

No way would I let DH take the kids away for a month. And he’d be fuming if I tried to do the same.

I wouldn’t want to be away from my six year old for a week, nevermind four.

Would it not be possible to go for a few long weekends?

So he is saying that you can go but your three-year-old can't?
If you take him up on his offer how is he going to look after the three-year-old whilst you're away? Presumably he works?

Can husband take 2 weeks annual leave and go with you for 2 weeks, and then fly home and you stay another 2 weeks with daughter?

My OH would hate to be away for a month from our kids and I think our kids would hate it too! He’s away this weekend and they keep asking when he’s back! I was away 2 weeks ago and they FaceTimed me every sodding hour!

Yabu I think. Can't you go for 2 weeks and parents visit you for two weeks?

Sorry, if a man was on here telling us he was planning to take his child away from their mum for a month we'd all be up in arms.

YABU and you need to either change your plans or make it work so he can join you for some of the time.

he doesnt own you. Its not a jolly holiday, its visiting your family. Tell him that you will be going and to not be a dick about it and that hes welcome to come too for all or some of the time

@devildeepbluesea

Sorry, if a man was on here telling us he was planning to take his child away from their mum for a month we'd all be up in arms.

YABU and you need to either change your plans or make it work so he can join you for some of the time.

no i dont think they would if he was the primary carer and family lived abroad

I wouldn't mind my child being away for a month.

This is very extreme.
Why can't you work out something reasonable (E.g. DH visiting you for a weekend and bringing the child back with him?)

Also as a child I screamed the house down and refused to go to bed when my dad had to leave the country for work :( It's cruel to do that - unnecessarily to a child!

he doesnt own you. Its not a jolly holiday, its visiting your family.

What the fudge no one is saying he owns the OP? He's an equal parent and as such they should be making a decision based on what is in their child's best interests.

Neither parents opinion is more worthy, they need to compromise.

If it's only an hour away, then YABU. Your family can visit you instead, or split it 50/50.

I suspect you wouldn't be happy if it was the other way round.

Not saying taht that's the csae - just that separating parents and children uncessarily isn't good

I would as I used to live away from my family so I know how important it is to spend quality time with them. A week or two just wouldn't be enough to see all my family and friends, and have some rest time in between. Last summer I came home with dc and ddog (ferry) for just over 3 weeks. Dh was fine with it, he was going to join us for a few days at the end but his company wouldn't allow travel at that time. I think he liked the peace and quiet tbh though we all did miss each other. He was working long shifts at the time and was out of house for 16 hours and I was at home anyway (work term time only), so it worked for us.

YANBU, he isn't even willing to discuss it, does he think he's in charge of you?

I don't see anything wrong with you going with your child for a month - before she started school I used to take my DD back to the UK from the USA for a month at a time a couple times a year and it worked very well for our family.

However... if your husband doesn't want to be away from his child for a month then it won't work for your family. What's the maximum time he is happy with? 2 weeks?

If it's only a one hour flight, could you and your child go for a month, and DH joins you for a weekend in the middle? Then it would only be 2 weeks between them seeing each other

If it’s only an hour away then it’s very unreasonable to go for so long. Book a few separate weeks/long weekends over the next year instead

@gillysSong

YANBU, he isn't even willing to discuss it, does he think he's in charge of you?

Where has the OP said he's unwilling to discuss it?

Will he compromise or is it a flat no