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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Family party and the unvaccinated

258 replies

JanetPondersley · 16/07/2021 12:30

My immediate family are throwing a medium sized, outdoor, family party to celebrate all the celebrations we have missed over the last 18 months.

All the Aunts, Uncles, Cousins etc we are close to are invited, along with some close family friends.

We have always been close to one particular cousin and her family. Me and my siblings are close in age to her and her siblings.

The issue is, this particular cousin and her husband are refusing to have the vaccine. I unfriended them a while ago on facebook as the husband likes to share delightful 'patriotic' memes (which is a whole other story), and the husband has fallen hook, line and sinker for all the anti mask / anti vax rhetoric. He calls face masks face nappies and muzzles. (insert the biggest eyeroll you can imagine here)

There will be a number of unvaccinated children there, including a new born who will be somewhere around a month old then. Also a friend who is unable to be vaccinated, so as a family we have decided that we won't be inviting the cousin due to choosing not to be vaccinated.

This has obviously led to drama. Personally, I couldn't care less. If people want to refuse to come because we haven't invited this cousin, they are welcome to not come. But it's really upset my mum, who is elderly and had a shittier than average past 18 months. She wants me and my siblings to back down and keep the peace.

AIBU to stick to our guns and not invite the cousin?

OP posts:
rubbletrouble · 16/07/2021 23:22

jab status not job Hmm

XenoBitch · 16/07/2021 23:22

@Pesimistic

Just so you know, most of the people who have got a positive test at the moment have been vaccinated.
This is true.. The vaccine was rolled out so the top vulnerable people would not get sick enough to end up in hospital, and therefore but a strain on the NHS.

Why all the vitriol at people in the groups who are not at risk of severe Covid?

rubbletrouble · 16/07/2021 23:25

@Pesimistic

Just so you know, most of the people who have got a positive test at the moment have been vaccinated.
That untrue in our area, the hospital admissions taking up beds and deviating away from routine NHS treatments are from the younger people who are yet to be vaccinated
XenoBitch · 16/07/2021 23:26

@rubbletrouble

Do you routinely talk about Covid and the vaccine with friends? I find that a little sad tbh. I'm not quite sure what you mean ? You have just listed the number of friends who still want to see you and those that don't, surely it is a talking point for you also and most the country, it was a pandemic ConfusedConfused

I have friends who have declined the jab.. they are still amazing as a friend to me and I love their company. I would not think for a second to cut them out of my life because they did not want to go through with a medical procedure.
And that's your choice, if that's what you class as amazing friends but my friends wouldn't put me at risk, just different people.

I saw them before vaccines were a thing. Why are they suddenly dangerous now?
What ??! Before vaccines were a thing ?? We have had vaccines for donkeys years, for mumps, measles, rubella etc
Your friends are suddenly dangerous as we have suddenly had a pandemic that has killed tens of thousands of people with a deadly virus being spread around.

From what I have seen on MN, a major side effect of the vaccine seems to be a total intolerance to anyone with a different view.
I don't mind other peoples views, I do object to people putting myself and my family at risk through choice, and I choose not have them in my company.

And you say you will not see friends who wont get the vaccine? For what reason? And what reason is acceptable for you, for you to see them?
rubbletrouble · 16/07/2021 23:30

And you say you will not see friends who wont get the vaccine? For what reason? And what reason is acceptable for you, for you to see them?
I've explained all this. But for the last time.
I will not have anyone around myself or my family who would not get vaccinated to reduce the risk to us or would not do the decent thing for society.
I can't list all the bloody reasons neither do I need to, if they genuinely couldn't have the vaccine as I have already said then I would.

Maddiemademe · 16/07/2021 23:33

@XenoBitch

My brother died at 25 from COVID a few months ago. Perfect health, not in the at risk group at all but guess what it still happened. Same with my parents. I will always think not taking the jab if you can then you are selfish. I have to shield 24/7 and have for 18 months.

XenoBitch · 16/07/2021 23:37

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Ratalie · 16/07/2021 23:41

I am sorry that happened to you.

I tried to kill myself during the first lockdown.

So, what now? This is not a competition.
Wow, I'm sorry you tried to kill yourself but this is one of the most unpleasant (and obtuse) posts I have ever seen on this site.

rubbletrouble · 16/07/2021 23:45

I am sorry that happened to you.

I tried to kill myself during the first lockdown.

So, what now? This is not a competition

WOW and there we have it.
They were explaining it wasn't just the "top vulnerable" people as you stated and a family member of theirs died and that's your reaction.....WOW that is vile !

Stay unvaccinated with you unvaccinated friends, with an abhorrent attitude like that, the vaccination would not be the reason your invite was lost in the post

@Maddiemademe I am so sorry for your loss. It truly has devastated so many families. ThanksThanksThanksThanks

Maddiemademe · 16/07/2021 23:55

@rubbletrouble

I am sorry that happened to you.

I tried to kill myself during the first lockdown.

So, what now? This is not a competition

WOW and there we have it.
They were explaining it wasn't just the "top vulnerable" people as you stated and a family member of theirs died and that's your reaction.....WOW that is vile !

Stay unvaccinated with you unvaccinated friends, with an abhorrent attitude like that, the vaccination would not be the reason your invite was lost in the post

@Maddiemademe I am so sorry for your loss. It truly has devastated so many families. ThanksThanksThanksThanks

Thank you x
stevalnamechanger · 17/07/2021 00:03

@Wigglegiggle0520

I don’t understand. Them being unvaccinated means they are more likely to have more severe symptoms if they catch covid. The vaccination does not prevent you catching or transmitting it. Any one of the vaccinated people at the party could spread it to children/CEV and are possibly more likely to as their symptoms won’t be as severe as someone who is unvaccinated. LFTs need to be done by everyone.
Agree!
rubbletrouble · 17/07/2021 00:05

@Maddiemademe it's absolutely fine. Mine should be a normal response.
Its horrible to read that, I lost my mum, and I know how angry and upset I would be to read something so vile and insensitive as that. HmmThanksThanksThanks

Maddiemademe · 17/07/2021 00:07

I am so sorry for your loss. I only wanted to explain unfortunately not everyone is in the at risk group and dies from it. It is truly a terrible time Flowers

rubbletrouble · 17/07/2021 00:12

@Maddiemademe

I am so sorry for your loss. I only wanted to explain unfortunately not everyone is in the at risk group and dies from it. It is truly a terrible time Flowers
Anyone with an open mind could see what you were saying. I would report it but once you've read it, you can't unread it, so no point.

I hope you have good people around you giving you love and support to get you through ThanksThanks

chaosrabbitland · 17/07/2021 00:17

reading this hysterical shite is getting to be so tediously boring ,

chaosrabbitland · 17/07/2021 00:20

@Orf1abc

You're conflating two distinct issues here. This man is a racist and if you don't want to invite him for his racist views, few would disagree with you. But not inviting them because they're making a choice not to get vaccinated is not on. We still get to choose what we do with our own bodies whether you like it or not.

The vaccine vastly reduces your chances of catching and transmitting it.

Whilst that was true of earlier variants, it's proving to be far less the case with the current dominant variant.

this .
chaosrabbitland · 17/07/2021 00:26

[quote JanetPondersley]@allZenNudist

Party isn't yet - but it's invitation sending time. And as I said in original post, think "medium sized" party. With kids, about 35 people. And all outside with a marquee (which holds 150!) if weather is terrible.[/quote]
if its outside than whats the bloody problem if he and cousin come ? its not like hes going to be rammed into a tiny living room with you coughing covid particles all over everybody else , and is he really going to be going on about his views on the vaccine at a party ? hopefully after a few drinks he will be having a laugh and that will be the last thing on his mind

DontDoThatGeorge · 17/07/2021 00:28

The vaccination does not prevent you catching or transmitting it

It really does reduce both though. Proven.

Maybe The Unvaccinated could wear bells and say 'Unclean'?

This really would be very helpful. Though I've found most people stupid enough to turn down a vaccine during a global pandemic are also stupid enough to brag about it.

saltinesandcoffeecups · 17/07/2021 01:33

@TheDailyCarbunkle

Maybe The Unvaccinated could wear bells and say 'Unclean'?
🤣 totally this… it could be an activity for the kids to make signs to put around their necks
FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 17/07/2021 01:35

The world is absolutely bonkers.

I couldn't tell you - nor do I care - who of my friends and family are vaccinated. This nail biting over being around the great unwashed unvaccinated is so fucking odd I feel like I'm in the Twilight Zone

XenoBitch · 17/07/2021 01:49

@Ratalie

I am sorry that happened to you.

I tried to kill myself during the first lockdown.

So, what now? This is not a competition.
Wow, I'm sorry you tried to kill yourself but this is one of the most unpleasant (and obtuse) posts I have ever seen on this site.

You must be new then. I have seen far worse.
Ratalie · 17/07/2021 01:55

and is he really going to be going on about his views on the vaccine at a party ? hopefully after a few drinks he will be having a laugh and that will be the last thing on his mind
So obviously I am working from a small sample but that is absolutely not consistent with my experience of evangelical anti-maskers/vaxxers.

XenoBitch · 17/07/2021 01:56

@rubbletrouble

I am sorry that happened to you.

I tried to kill myself during the first lockdown.

So, what now? This is not a competition

WOW and there we have it.
They were explaining it wasn't just the "top vulnerable" people as you stated and a family member of theirs died and that's your reaction.....WOW that is vile !

Stay unvaccinated with you unvaccinated friends, with an abhorrent attitude like that, the vaccination would not be the reason your invite was lost in the post

@Maddiemademe I am so sorry for your loss. It truly has devastated so many families. ThanksThanksThanksThanks

I am unvaccinated due to my mental health, and my vaccinated friends are fine with that... like any true friend would be. They don't judge and they are not petty.
reannneeee · 17/07/2021 02:35

I chose not to be vaccinated, I have endometriosis which is a horrific nightmare and also can’t be on the pill because it literally makes me suicidal. I don’t want to take anything that will bugger up my periods any more, and the vaccine seems to wreak havoc on women’s periods.

Any family members that ask, I tell them the truth. None of them bat an eyelid. It seems incomprehensible that somebody would cut off a family member for not being vaccinated against Covid. I find that quite depressing. This is going to go in for years with new vaccines needed every year, eventually vaccination rates will dip as we learn to live with Covid. Will you still be cutting off family in 3 years when they decide they can’t be bothered going to get vaccinated against the Milan/San Francisco/Birmingham variant etc?

I am also vaccinated against everything else as is my child. I’m not a bloody antivaxxer.

XenoBitch · 17/07/2021 02:39

@reannneeee

I chose not to be vaccinated, I have endometriosis which is a horrific nightmare and also can’t be on the pill because it literally makes me suicidal. I don’t want to take anything that will bugger up my periods any more, and the vaccine seems to wreak havoc on women’s periods.

Any family members that ask, I tell them the truth. None of them bat an eyelid. It seems incomprehensible that somebody would cut off a family member for not being vaccinated against Covid. I find that quite depressing. This is going to go in for years with new vaccines needed every year, eventually vaccination rates will dip as we learn to live with Covid. Will you still be cutting off family in 3 years when they decide they can’t be bothered going to get vaccinated against the Milan/San Francisco/Birmingham variant etc?

I am also vaccinated against everything else as is my child. I’m not a bloody antivaxxer.

I have a lovely friend who is not having the vaccine for exactly the same reason as you. Endometriosis is miserable as hell, and she fought for years for the diagnosis because it seems that women's gynae health does not matter. She just got fobbed off with being told to take painkillers.

There is no way I would not see her because she is not vaccinated. It would not even occur to me to shut her out my life because of her decision.