Family party and the unvaccinated

[JanetPondersley]

My immediate family are throwing a medium sized, outdoor, family party to celebrate all the celebrations we have missed over the last 18 months.

All the Aunts, Uncles, Cousins etc we are close to are invited, along with some close family friends.

We have always been close to one particular cousin and her family. Me and my siblings are close in age to her and her siblings.

The issue is, this particular cousin and her husband are refusing to have the vaccine. I unfriended them a while ago on facebook as the husband likes to share delightful 'patriotic' memes (which is a whole other story), and the husband has fallen hook, line and sinker for all the anti mask / anti vax rhetoric. He calls face masks face nappies and muzzles. (insert the biggest eyeroll you can imagine here)

There will be a number of unvaccinated children there, including a new born who will be somewhere around a month old then. Also a friend who is unable to be vaccinated, so as a family we have decided that we won't be inviting the cousin due to choosing not to be vaccinated.

This has obviously led to drama. Personally, I couldn't care less. If people want to refuse to come because we haven't invited this cousin, they are welcome to not come. But it's really upset my mum, who is elderly and had a shittier than average past 18 months. She wants me and my siblings to back down and keep the peace.

AIBU to stick to our guns and not invite the cousin?

I wouldn’t invite him because he sounds like a bit of a thick twat rather than worrying about his vaccination status.

Oh my goodness, they’re probably relieved not to have to socialise with you. And I say that as someone who is pro vaccine.

Why not take the chance and be honest with them? It’s not about vaccination it’s about everything else

Personally I wouldn’t invite them, or wouldn’t go myself if they were invited

@xoJellyBean

That's so unfair. I have chosen not to be vaccinated and should not be discriminated against because of my choice! Like others have said, LFTs are available so let everyone test themselves before they arrive. YABU!

How is it unfair?

You are free to make your own choice, but when we make our own choices, there is always some consequences to that choice.

Do you think anti vaxers should be forced to include vaccinated people?

Your house, your rules.

I would not invite someone in the same circumstances. 'Keeping the peace' is an excuse far too often for turning a blind eye to bad things.

That's so unfair. I have chosen not to be vaccinated and should not be discriminated against because of my choice!

Choices have consequences.

@xoJellyBean

That's so unfair. I have chosen not to be vaccinated and should not be discriminated against because of my choice! Like others have said, LFTs are available so let everyone test themselves before they arrive. YABU!

Isn't better than people are upfront about what total dickheads they are? If someone said they didn't want to socialise with me because I didn't have a vaccine I'd think 'time to cut you out' rather than that it was unfair. It's better to find these things out in this sort of circumstance rather than when you're really in need.

Really I don't think you're going far enough. Surely anyone who chooses not to be vaccinated should have to wear an armband stating that they are unclean. Even better if they could go and live in a special compound away from the clean people. It wouldn't be so bad, they could be productive - work makes you free, after all. Maybe the sign at the compound entrance should read: Choices Have Consequences, just in case anyone thinks that is a bit illiberal. Also anyone who says the words 'bodily autonomy' is a traitor and should have three generations of their family punished.

@Orf1abc

"We still get to choose what we do with our own bodies whether you like it or not"

And I guess individuals can also choose whether or not they want to spend time with people who have taken a certain decision.

The fact he is racist is an aside, and an explanation that I don't like him, and so not likely to fight his corner against my siblings!

I guess. What side do I end up falling? Support my mum (against my own principles) and keep the peace? Or support my siblings
(who's principles I share) and end up with fallout?

"I guess. What side do I end up falling? Support my mum (against my own principles) and keep the peace? Or support my siblings
(who's principles I share) and end up with fallout?"
guess it depends whether you want to come across as an hysterical person with health anxiety which is manifesting itself as you showing a complete lack of regard for body autonomy or not.
personally, as someone said upthread, I wouldn't be offended not to be invited and would be glad to have the heads up of what sort of person you are

@xoJellyBean

That's so unfair. I have chosen not to be vaccinated and should not be discriminated against because of my choice! Like others have said, LFTs are available so let everyone test themselves before they arrive. YABU!

So you can make a choice but anyone else making a choice is discriminating against you? Get to fuck! Choices have consequences and the consequences of yours is that you now represent an increased level of danger to people that they may choose not to risk. You don't get to impose your choice on others.

That's so unfair. I have chosen not to be vaccinated and should not be discriminated against because of my choice! Like others have said, LFTs are available so let everyone test themselves before they arrive. YABU!

I totally support your choice not to be vaccinated, totally. And agree you should not be discriminated against. However as my husband is CEV (double jabbed but unlikely to have worked well due to auto immune condition) I would hope we would be told. That way we could politely refuse the invitation so as not to put him at undue risk, and everyone else can enjoy the party. I know that could mean sharing private medical information but in this case the cousin's opinions are common knowledge anyway. My biggest fear is not knowing and my husband being will at more risk, so as long as everything is transparent it would be fine with me.

@thenakedmolerat

"I guess. What side do I end up falling? Support my mum (against my own principles) and keep the peace? Or support my siblings (who's principles I share) and end up with fallout?" guess it depends whether you want to come across as an hysterical person with health anxiety which is manifesting itself as you showing a complete lack of regard for body autonomy or not. personally, as someone said upthread, I wouldn't be offended not to be invited and would be glad to have the heads up of what sort of person you are

That's honestly fucking pathetic and may seem like a smart response in anti-vax circles. But that's a circle of morons, so well done. Nobody isn't respecting your bodily autonomy. But if you can choose not to be vaccinated, you have to respect that other people can choose not to be around you. That's their bodily autonomy. You need to respect that too.

You’re ridiculous! And for a multitude of reasons;

1. Anyone of your vaccinated relatives could have covid and pass it on.
2. If your unvaccinated relatives happen to have covid - and just remember that not every human on the planet has covid 24/7 - your party is outside and chance of transmission is vanishingly small.
3. If your unvaccinated relatives happen to have covid and manage to pass it onto any of you then you are vaccinated and should be protected from serious illness.
4. What if anybody hasn’t had the flu jab next party? That’s statistically more dangerous to the under 50’s and could be just as risky to the elderly or cev. Will those unvaccinated relatives not be welcome?
5. Have some respect for bodily autonomy and difference of opinion and get on with your life and relatives!

@xoJellyBean

That's so unfair. I have chosen not to be vaccinated and should not be discriminated against because of my choice! Like others have said, LFTs are available so let everyone test themselves before they arrive. YABU!

Why do I always see anyone who posts "so unfair" as a petulant child?

If vaccines (and some initial evidence looks like they do) reduce transmission then it could be said is "so unfair" you choose to be a higher risk of transmitting covid.

It is not discrimination 🙄 it is free choice. You make a free choice knowing the potential consequences and others are allowed to make their free choices too.

Sounds very reasonable. And the posters on here whining about unfairness and bodily autonomy have give me a good laugh.

Obviously you can’t check peoples vaccination status. But when you KNOW someone is such an idiot that they are refusing the COVID jab, I wouldn’t invite them to anything either.

You're being ridiculous.

Another one who's had their brain totally fucked over. You crack on dividing your family. It's only what you deserve. I actually really pity you.

1. Anyone of your vaccinated relatives could have covid and pass it on.

Yes, but studies are showing that the transmission risk could be reduced when vaccinated.

5. Have some respect for bodily autonomy and difference of opinion and get on with your life and relatives!

Respect works both ways. Someone not feeling comfortable getting a vaccine does not trump someone not feeling comfortable at a gathering with someone not vaccinated.

Is it a good idea to have a party when cases are rising like crazy?
12% of staff at my NHS trust are isolating currently.

This is the new division - unvaccinated v vaccinated. personally I cant stand it, The poster who said we choose what to do with our own bodies is spot on.

No one else's business and going forward, how are you supposed to police who is vaccinated and who is not. Where will it end?? Refusing to go to work as a colleague is not vaccinated, the gym, the shops, school etc, etc.

Are you going to live your life organising things around other people's vaccination status now?

You're being ridiculous.

Another one who's had their brain totally fucked over. You crack on dividing your family. It's only what you deserve. I actually really pity you.

^ This is exactly what I wanted to say but wasn't brave enough

YABU as you are inviting someone else who is not vacinated. Just because they are unable doesn't change the risk.