Family party and the unvaccinated

[JanetPondersley]

My immediate family are throwing a medium sized, outdoor, family party to celebrate all the celebrations we have missed over the last 18 months.

All the Aunts, Uncles, Cousins etc we are close to are invited, along with some close family friends.

We have always been close to one particular cousin and her family. Me and my siblings are close in age to her and her siblings.

The issue is, this particular cousin and her husband are refusing to have the vaccine. I unfriended them a while ago on facebook as the husband likes to share delightful 'patriotic' memes (which is a whole other story), and the husband has fallen hook, line and sinker for all the anti mask / anti vax rhetoric. He calls face masks face nappies and muzzles. (insert the biggest eyeroll you can imagine here)

There will be a number of unvaccinated children there, including a new born who will be somewhere around a month old then. Also a friend who is unable to be vaccinated, so as a family we have decided that we won't be inviting the cousin due to choosing not to be vaccinated.

This has obviously led to drama. Personally, I couldn't care less. If people want to refuse to come because we haven't invited this cousin, they are welcome to not come. But it's really upset my mum, who is elderly and had a shittier than average past 18 months. She wants me and my siblings to back down and keep the peace.

AIBU to stick to our guns and not invite the cousin?

One day, it might be a medical procedure you are not happy with.

And if it was for the best for society and I opted out of helping that, I would happily be excluded and not try and be around people that I could potentially be putting at risk. But then I'm not selfish.

@rubbletrouble

One day, it might be a medical procedure you are not happy with.

And if it was for the best for society and I opted out of helping that, I would happily be excluded and not try and be around people that I could potentially be putting at risk. But then I'm not selfish.

I dont think you would. If you had a friend of 10 years tell you to fuck off, I bet you would think differently.

Who’s house is the party at?

Are you uninviting any teenagers? Because they're just as likely to carry and pass on the virus as any adult..And they can't be vaccinated.

You need to work out whether you don't want him to come because he's a risk to others (in which case so are the teenagers) or because you don't like him..

I'm very very pro vaccine, but I wouldn't uninvite someone from an outdoor event, because they weren't vaccinated, when everyone else there is. Especially when it hurts the elderly person who's already probably suffered most during covid..

I dont think you would. If you had a friend of 10 years tell you to fuck off, I bet you would think differently.

What ?! You don't even know me. I am telling you I would.

I would never put a friend of mine at risk, I would never put a family member at risk and then to have the audacity to choose not to get something that could lower the risk of getting ill, then expecting them to welcome me with open arms, only a complete imbecile could not see how that could potentially play out and only someone so self absorbed would do such a thing.

I as a friend of 10 years would never put a fiend in that position where they had to make the choice, I would just protect them and get jabbed.

@rubbletrouble

I dont think you would. If you had a friend of 10 years tell you to fuck off, I bet you would think differently.

What ?! You don't even know me. I am telling you I would.

I would never put a friend of mine at risk, I would never put a family member at risk and then to have the audacity to choose not to get something that could lower the risk of getting ill, then expecting them to welcome me with open arms, only a complete imbecile could not see how that could potentially play out and only someone so self absorbed would do such a thing.

I as a friend of 10 years would never put a fiend in that position where they had to make the choice, I would just protect them and get jabbed.

What if you can't get jabbed? If you had a dear friend who was hesitant, would you still ostracise them?

clutches his handbag Can you please explain precisely what you mean by the handbag clutching comment please?

mentions his human rights when it comes to a perfectly tested vaccine. What is wrong with mentioning human rights? It is a topic close to my heart as I work in care and it has been made clear we no longer have human rights wrt the vaccine. Yet NHS staff have human rights over which vaccines they choose to have.

Sorry, but what about people like me who have had pretty severe covid (wave one) but didn’t make use of GP or hospital because I was sure there were others far more in need of help than me..despite the fact I struggled to breathe for a week. Was I not contributing to society by staying home whilst unwell and several weeks after? I am not being vaccinated for several reasons ( one being that I have natural immunity and another being prior severe reactions to vaccines) but I am still being discriminated against by people all the time and was kicked out of a hobby group because I wasn’t getting the vaccine. I am one of those people that mumsnetters say everyone must help protect because I can’t be vaccinated but at the same time I am treated like a leper and called all names under the sun on forums like this simply for not being vaccinated no matter the reason. I don’t want or need your help via mass vaccination. I don’t expect anyone to be vaccinated on my behalf. I work from home and keep myself to myself but honestly if this division between vaxxed and unvaxxed continues I can’t see my life heading down the path of no longer worth living.

*can obviously, not can’t. Autocorrect fail.

@FiveToedSloth

Sorry, but what about people like me who have had pretty severe covid (wave one) but didn’t make use of GP or hospital because I was sure there were others far more in need of help than me..despite the fact I struggled to breathe for a week. Was I not contributing to society by staying home whilst unwell and several weeks after? I am not being vaccinated for several reasons ( one being that I have natural immunity and another being prior severe reactions to vaccines) but I am still being discriminated against by people all the time and was kicked out of a hobby group because I wasn’t getting the vaccine. I am one of those people that mumsnetters say everyone must help protect because I can’t be vaccinated but at the same time I am treated like a leper and called all names under the sun on forums like this simply for not being vaccinated no matter the reason. I don’t want or need your help via mass vaccination. I don’t expect anyone to be vaccinated on my behalf. I work from home and keep myself to myself but honestly if this division between vaxxed and unvaxxed continues I can’t see my life heading down the path of no longer worth living.

This is how I am feeling too. If people hate me that much for not having the vaccine, then this is a society I do not want to live in anymore. I know what to do.

What if you can't get jabbed? If you had a dear friend who was hesitant, would you still ostracise them?
I've already answered that.

I'm assuming as you have no response to my comment, except asking a repeated question you now see the point people are making and appreciate the selfishness of it.

I think you're disgusting. Who are you to dictate what people do with their lives? I'm fully vaccinated but my best friend isn't l. She is trying to conceive and is terrified the vaccine will affect her fertility.
We live in a country where we are able to make personal decisions, not a dictatorship.

@supersonicginandtonic

I think you're disgusting. Who are you to dictate what people do with their lives? I'm fully vaccinated but my best friend isn't l. She is trying to conceive and is terrified the vaccine will affect her fertility. We live in a country where we are able to make personal decisions, not a dictatorship.

Who is dictating that they should have the vaccine?

@rubbletrouble

What if you can't get jabbed? If you had a dear friend who was hesitant, would you still ostracise them? I've already answered that.

I'm assuming as you have no response to my comment, except asking a repeated question you now see the point people are making and appreciate the selfishness of it.

If you want to cut friends out for not having the vaccine, knock yourself out. They will be better off without you.

"Selfish" has been thrown around way too much in the past 18 months.

@supersonicginandtonic

I think you're disgusting. Who are you to dictate what people do with their lives? I'm fully vaccinated but my best friend isn't l. She is trying to conceive and is terrified the vaccine will affect her fertility. We live in a country where we are able to make personal decisions, not a dictatorship.

Who is dictating who should have the jab??

If you want to cut friends out for not having the vaccine, knock yourself out. They will be better off without you.

Luckily I chose my friends well, not one of them would or has refused the jab as they know it would put me at further risk, they are good friends and wouldn't do that to me, nor me to them, thankfully we respect each other too much for that.
They are not better without me, hence them making that choice so they can be around me

Selfish" has been thrown around way too much in the past 18 months.
No not too much, just enough.
As some people are showing how they only think of themselves, I'm ok I WFH so let's not care about the people who don't, I'm not at risk, so let's not care about those who are.
It's showing a very small percentage of our society in a very bad light, only a small percent though as thankfully the uptake has been amazing.

@rubbletrouble

If you want to cut friends out for not having the vaccine, knock yourself out. They will be better off without you.

Luckily I chose my friends well, not one of them would or has refused the jab as they know it would put me at further risk, they are good friends and wouldn't do that to me, nor me to them, thankfully we respect each other too much for that.
They are not better without me, hence them making that choice so they can be around me

Selfish" has been thrown around way too much in the past 18 months.
No not too much, just enough.
As some people are showing how they only think of themselves, I'm ok I WFH so let's not care about the people who don't, I'm not at risk, so let's not care about those who are.
It's showing a very small percentage of our society in a very bad light, only a small percent though as thankfully the uptake has been amazing.

Do you routinely talk about Covid and the vaccine with friends? I find that a little sad tbh.

I have friends who have declined the jab.. they are still amazing as a friend to me and I love their company. I would not think for a second to cut them out of my life because they did not want to go through with a medical procedure. I saw them before vaccines were a thing. Why are they suddenly dangerous now?

From what I have seen on MN, a major side effect of the vaccine seems to be a total intolerance to anyone with a different view.

This is how I am feeling too. If people hate me that much for not having the vaccine, then this is a society I do not want to live in anymore.
But the vast majority of people would appreciate that you are unable to have the vaccinee (although I acknowledge you have had a negative reaction from one of your friends, which I would say is unfair). For some reason, you're the one arguing that we should not distinguish between those who can't, and those who can but won't.

[quote JanetPondersley]@Mumoftwoinprimary

Because we think they are dicks, basically! ;)[/quote]
Good enough reason alone not to invite them.

@Ratalie

This is how I am feeling too. If people hate me that much for not having the vaccine, then this is a society I do not want to live in anymore. But the vast majority of people would appreciate that you are unable to have the vaccinee (although I acknowledge you have had a negative reaction from one of your friends, which I would say is unfair). For some reason, you're the one arguing that we should not distinguish between those who can't, and those who can but won't.

Why should anyone distinguish between those who can and those who wont. Does that not seem petty? The risk is the same.

Just so you know, most of the people who have got a positive test at the moment have been vaccinated.

Do you routinely talk about Covid and the vaccine with friends? I find that a little sad tbh.
I'm not quite sure what you mean ?
You have just listed the number of friends who still want to see you and those that don't, surely it is a talking point for you also and most the country, it was a pandemic

I have friends who have declined the jab.. they are still amazing as a friend to me and I love their company. I would not think for a second to cut them out of my life because they did not want to go through with a medical procedure.
And that's your choice, if that's what you class as amazing friends but my friends wouldn't put me at risk, just different people.

I saw them before vaccines were a thing. Why are they suddenly dangerous now?
What ??! Before vaccines were a thing ?? We have had vaccines for donkeys years, for mumps, measles, rubella etc
Your friends are suddenly dangerous as we have suddenly had a pandemic that has killed tens of thousands of people with a deadly virus being spread around.

From what I have seen on MN, a major side effect of the vaccine seems to be a total intolerance to anyone with a different view.
I don't mind other peoples views, I do object to people putting myself and my family at risk through choice, and I choose not have them in my company.

Do you routinely talk about Covid and the vaccine with friends? I find that a little sad tbh.
Now you're just being goady. Of course people are talking about Covid and the vaccine. For many of us, the pandemic is the most significant event of our lifetimes and continues to impact our day to day lives.

And the most vocal people on the topic that I know are the anti-vaxxers with views similar to the OP's family member.

Why should anyone distinguish between those who can and those who wont. Does that not seem petty? The risk is the same.
I have answered this already and you didn't respond.

@Ratalie

Do you routinely talk about Covid and the vaccine with friends? I find that a little sad tbh. Now you're just being goady. Of course people are talking about Covid and the vaccine. For many of us, the pandemic is the most significant event of our lifetimes and continues to impact our day to day lives.

And the most vocal people on the topic that I know are the anti-vaxxers with views similar to the OP's family member.

I wouldn't mind she then goes on to detail her friends job status, the mind boggles.