Family party and the unvaccinated

[JanetPondersley]

My immediate family are throwing a medium sized, outdoor, family party to celebrate all the celebrations we have missed over the last 18 months.

All the Aunts, Uncles, Cousins etc we are close to are invited, along with some close family friends.

We have always been close to one particular cousin and her family. Me and my siblings are close in age to her and her siblings.

The issue is, this particular cousin and her husband are refusing to have the vaccine. I unfriended them a while ago on facebook as the husband likes to share delightful 'patriotic' memes (which is a whole other story), and the husband has fallen hook, line and sinker for all the anti mask / anti vax rhetoric. He calls face masks face nappies and muzzles. (insert the biggest eyeroll you can imagine here)

There will be a number of unvaccinated children there, including a new born who will be somewhere around a month old then. Also a friend who is unable to be vaccinated, so as a family we have decided that we won't be inviting the cousin due to choosing not to be vaccinated.

This has obviously led to drama. Personally, I couldn't care less. If people want to refuse to come because we haven't invited this cousin, they are welcome to not come. But it's really upset my mum, who is elderly and had a shittier than average past 18 months. She wants me and my siblings to back down and keep the peace.

AIBU to stick to our guns and not invite the cousin?

Yes, but people shouldn't stop trying to help others. We shouldn't say because someone doesn't donate blood, they shouldn't do something else to help others , where would it end.

No, but equally these people who have had this vaccine, but not done much else to help others over the years, shouldn't be just calling anyone who refuses the vaccine a selfish person. I’m far from a selfish person, as shown in my actions pre covid and during covid. I’ve probably done far more than most in my life for others. I have the right to make a decision about this vaccine based on my principles and I don’t deserve to be called selfish for this one thing.

And I am very pro vax and consider UK going quite backwards with it ( I mean measels outbreaks, really...), but what gets me up even more is this "People like you killed my x relative" "Stop killing people".

It's bullshit. It's not people killing people. It's the underfunding of the sacred NHS which cannot be criticised because people conflate NHS organisation with NHS staff (not the same). Some genious somewhere in Westminster once thought
Oooh. How about, now listen lads, how about we make people believe that it's their fault people can't access proper care😱. Yeah. So "You fat people are ruining NHS" and "Foreigners are overstretching NHS" and oooh! "You are killing people by doing stuff because covid!". Now that will divert them from "The politicians are killing people by underfunding an incredibly important part of the country's system which is supposed to be saving lives"

@SupermanWithTheGreyHair

Yes, but people shouldn't stop trying to help others. We shouldn't say because someone doesn't donate blood, they shouldn't do something else to help others , where would it end.

No, but equally these people who have had this vaccine, but not done much else to help others over the years, shouldn't be just calling anyone who refuses the vaccine a selfish person. I’m far from a selfish person, as shown in my actions pre covid and during covid. I’ve probably done far more than most in my life for others. I have the right to make a decision about this vaccine based on my principles and I don’t deserve to be called selfish for this one thing.

Yes, I do agree in that some people are only just stepping up now and this maybe their only act of thinking of others in their lives, but that should be appreciated IMO, it may encourage them to do more. It may also not, but they have done a good thing and shouldn't not do so because they haven't previously donated blood or looked after an elderly neighbour for example.

And yes others may be the most selfless and considerate of people on ever walk of life, but then still do a selfish act. It should not define them as a person, but it would be classed as a selfish act non the less.

It was not some random person not getting vaccine. It was the badly functioning, not fit for purpose system causing that

I fear for the future of our NHS service. Covid anti-vaxxers are a perfect excuse for our Tory Govt to abolish NHS treatment for all. Who wants to treat people who can’t help themselves? Why should those who need life enhancing hospital treatment be refused because the hospital has Covid patients? It only takes one to turn up with Covid symptoms and the ICU ward is shut to everyone else. For 16 months people have lost their lives. Not because they have Covid but because they could not access hospital care in their moment of need - because of Covid.

I really struggle with this.

For 16 months people have lost their lives. Not because they have Covid but because they could not access hospital care in their moment of need - because of Covid.

Correction. Because of underfunded system

@ SchrodingersImmigrant

People who are vulnerable to infection cannot be placed on an ICU ward where Covid patients are receiving treatment for obvious reasons. Nothing at all to do with underfunding. The NHS is definitely underfunded and it’s staff overworked but anyone who needs ICU care should receive it.

What do you think the NHS should do with those who turn up needing to be ventilated but have refused the vaccine? Who should receive the treatment? Those who need it through no fault of their own or those who didn’t help themselves? Tough choice eh?

This is why I fear for our NHS. Staff cannot help them all. Boris will only be too happy to throw in the towel. Covid taking over NHS hospitals is his perfect excuse

I am simply not accepting this type of blame of individuals here and I am properly vaccinated.
It diverts from the people who are actually at fault

Yes,the government has starved the NHS of the funding it required and it was available !!
yes the government has mismanaged this pandemic by allowing COVID case into all our hospitals, thus making massive spaces of hospitals unable up be utilised by run of the mill cases.
Yes the government is ultimately to blame.

But When the system is being starved and the staff are at breaking point, then yes we should do what we can to lighten that burden, you may not directly be responsible for the death of a person, but you are certainly not a part of the resolution. Just because the government is failing does not mean as a society we just look after No 1 and give up, we should be supporting those who need a little bit of help in our society.

If you work front line NHS then you know perfectly well that you and your siblings are right.

So, imo you've asked the wrong question. The question is how to deflect the acrimony away from your DM, and help her be happy with this decision. And I can't advise on how you do that, as I don't know her, but I suggest you discuss with your siblings.

we should be supporting those who need a little bit of help in our society.

Let’s hope everyone remembers that going forward. Humans have very short memories though unfortunately and are very good at ignoring stuff when they’re ok.
Most people only worry about being part of the resolution when the problem is affecting them and it brings out the absolute gobshites shouting ‘selfish’ at the unvaccinated. The irony is lost on them.

The most sensible option is to ask everyone to do LFT on the day of the event and share results in a group WhatsApp. Anyone refusing or testing negative can't come

@HalzTangz

The most sensible option is to ask everyone to do LFT on the day of the event and share results in a group WhatsApp. Anyone refusing or testing negative can't come

my god. is that we have come to????? I honestly am in despair at how human beings are behaving to others about this. Last years be kind and we will all get through this together has totally turned into the vaccinated v unvaccinated.

my god. is that we have come to????? I honestly am in despair at how human beings are behaving to others about this. Last years be kind and we will all get through this together has totally turned into the vaccinated v unvaccinated

Totally agree. When was the last time you heard "stay safe"? Now it is cheap insults and rants about being selfish... what happened to wishing people well??
When people say they have had the jab "for the good of society" and then go on to insult people who have not had the vaccine... and blame them for a relative's death, or tell them that they should be denied medical care... Yeah, good of society my ass.

@HalzTangz

The most sensible option is to ask everyone to do LFT on the day of the event and share results in a group WhatsApp. Anyone refusing or testing negative can't come

Your suggestion of lft on the day of the event makes sense to avoid the spread. Why would anyone get upset and being asked to take a simple test, school children have been doing these for months. I don't think sharing on WhatsApp though surely you trust anyone positive not to come?

@KimmyAndMe

I am sorry about what you are going through and sorry that people don't realise that vaccines are the way out (if enough can be bothered 😕).

Good luck

XenoBitch
As I has said to you before, I have a severe phobia that goes way beyond being "scared". Never anywhere have I said I will demand NHS treatment if I get Covid... infact I have said the exact opposite. I have to be sectioned under the Mental Health Act to get treatment as I resist any medical intervention, and that goes for everything

Save your breath. I couldn’t give a toss about your fear of needles. I am doing my very best to stay strong for my sister at the moment. Her life is a breeze against yours of course! 🤬

But you stick to your belief that you are exempt from jabs, masks, anything to do with Covid. Who cares if you contract Covid? I certainly don’t! You say you won’t expect NHS treatment. Have you made that known I writing? I very much doubt it.

All I ask from the NHS is that they no longer have to treat people who refuse to help themselves. Let those who desperately need life saving treatment receive it. Too many innocent lives have been lost for over a year, through no fault of their own.

You don’t count!

TheTallOakTrees

I am sorry about what you are going through and sorry that people don't realise that vaccines are the way out (if enough can be bothered 😕)

Life is tough here at the moment but Thank you so much. Your words are appreciated ❤️

@KimmyAndMe

XenoBitch As I has said to you before, I have a severe phobia that goes way beyond being "scared". Never anywhere have I said I will demand NHS treatment if I get Covid... infact I have said the exact opposite. I have to be sectioned under the Mental Health Act to get treatment as I resist any medical intervention, and that goes for everything

Save your breath. I couldn’t give a toss about your fear of needles. I am doing my very best to stay strong for my sister at the moment. Her life is a breeze against yours of course! 🤬

But you stick to your belief that you are exempt from jabs, masks, anything to do with Covid. Who cares if you contract Covid? I certainly don’t! You say you won’t expect NHS treatment. Have you made that known I writing? I very much doubt it.

All I ask from the NHS is that they no longer have to treat people who refuse to help themselves. Let those who desperately need life saving treatment receive it. Too many innocent lives have been lost for over a year, through no fault of their own.

You don’t count!

If you care so much about your sister then maybe don't weaponize the death of her daughter and use it to invalidate the struggles of other people online. You have no idea what other people are going through, or how your words can affect people. I am sorry what you are all going through, but it is not my fault... and blaming me wont change anything. Your anger is totally misdirected. I did not cancel her op, me not having the vaccine did not cause her op to be cancelled.

I have signed waivers declining treatment before. One time, there was a very real chance I would have died and a friend had to watch me all night to check I was still breathing. So don't assume you know better, and that I would not do it again.

I also used to work for the NHS. We would never ever turn away anyone who was there because they did not help themselves. Never.

The hatred on this thread is crazy... why are people getting so hung up on those who don't get the vaccine?! Urghhhhhh

If you're having people there who are too young or unable to get vaccinated then YABU not inviting people who have chosen not to get vaccinated. You can't have it both ways! You can however not invite them because you don't like them!

OK, I see this thread has moved on wayyyy more than the first page. Might as well put my twopenneth worth in I guess!

I am double vaccinated, my DP is not.

I now more people who have been double vaccinated that have caught covid and are actually very ill with covid (including my 21 year old diabetic niece).

The 3 people I know who have caught covid recently have all had both vaccines! 2 are in hospital quite poorly. They're not people I see but for example my uncles wife, who I've not seen for 5 years.

What will you do when your dcs visit friends hosies in the future or whatever and their parents haven't been vaccinated for whatever reason? Will you be asking them if they've had vaccine? Or to do a lft prior?

My step childs DM and her step dad both had covid too after their 1st vaccine.
Both front line NHS who didn't catch it last year in the height of it.

I'm vaccinated, but I really dislike this attitude where people are shunning or shaming those who don't have it.
It should always be personal choice when it comes to bodily autonomy.
If on the other hand he's a racist dickhead (just a feeling I get from your post!) then that would be the reason I wouldn't want him around rather than whether he had the vaccine or not!

I’m double vaccinated as are all my family. Teens excepted as they are still waiting for a date for their second vaccine.

I celebrated my 50th birthday with my family and close friends last night. We had an amazing time catching up with each other after being apart for so long.

I wouldn’t have invited anyone who refused the vaccine. However, I didn’t need to worry on that score. All my close friends and adult family members have received the vaccine, according to age and availability.

I feel truly blessed to have children who care about others. I must have done something right.

@KimmyAndMe

XenoBitch As I has said to you before, I have a severe phobia that goes way beyond being "scared". Never anywhere have I said I will demand NHS treatment if I get Covid... infact I have said the exact opposite. I have to be sectioned under the Mental Health Act to get treatment as I resist any medical intervention, and that goes for everything

Save your breath. I couldn’t give a toss about your fear of needles. I am doing my very best to stay strong for my sister at the moment. Her life is a breeze against yours of course! 🤬

But you stick to your belief that you are exempt from jabs, masks, anything to do with Covid. Who cares if you contract Covid? I certainly don’t! You say you won’t expect NHS treatment. Have you made that known I writing? I very much doubt it.

All I ask from the NHS is that they no longer have to treat people who refuse to help themselves. Let those who desperately need life saving treatment receive it. Too many innocent lives have been lost for over a year, through no fault of their own.

You don’t count!

ok so thats where we are , are we? Slippery slope isnt it. What's next no chemo if you have lung cancer and smoked? No cardiac services for anyone overweight? No spinal surgery if you had an accident

You are being so black and white about this and its not just as black and white as you make out.

Oh and by the way XenoBitch does count. Everyone counts.