Family party and the unvaccinated

[JanetPondersley]

My immediate family are throwing a medium sized, outdoor, family party to celebrate all the celebrations we have missed over the last 18 months.

All the Aunts, Uncles, Cousins etc we are close to are invited, along with some close family friends.

We have always been close to one particular cousin and her family. Me and my siblings are close in age to her and her siblings.

The issue is, this particular cousin and her husband are refusing to have the vaccine. I unfriended them a while ago on facebook as the husband likes to share delightful 'patriotic' memes (which is a whole other story), and the husband has fallen hook, line and sinker for all the anti mask / anti vax rhetoric. He calls face masks face nappies and muzzles. (insert the biggest eyeroll you can imagine here)

There will be a number of unvaccinated children there, including a new born who will be somewhere around a month old then. Also a friend who is unable to be vaccinated, so as a family we have decided that we won't be inviting the cousin due to choosing not to be vaccinated.

This has obviously led to drama. Personally, I couldn't care less. If people want to refuse to come because we haven't invited this cousin, they are welcome to not come. But it's really upset my mum, who is elderly and had a shittier than average past 18 months. She wants me and my siblings to back down and keep the peace.

AIBU to stick to our guns and not invite the cousin?

@xoJellyBean

That's so unfair. I have chosen not to be vaccinated and should not be discriminated against because of my choice! Like others have said, LFTs are available so let everyone test themselves before they arrive. YABU!

So you are free to make your own choice but other people aren’t because they would be “discriminating” against you.

That’s not how it works. You are free to choose not to have the vaccine, other people are free to think that you are selfish and avoid you.

Boneheaded move to have a big family party right now when cases are going up. And the unvaccinated are still being hospitalised.

Can't see why you can have the children and friends who aren't vaccinated but you can't have cousin.

I think people are missing the point its not just about being vaccinated or unvaccinated.

Its about your view. Every person I know who has been every open, in rl about not getting the vaccine has also been one of the people not interested in social distancing, wearing masks etc. Which is probably the case here.

Like it or not, to a lot of people boasting about not having the vaccine is a marker you don't take any of this seriously. And that of course divides people. It's been dividing people since February 2020.

Op is no more dividing her family than the cousin is. We all have our choices and opinions. And on something as big as this that will create a divide.

On top of this, these people also sound like arseholes in general.

It sounds like your entire extended family, including you, are very intolerant. I feel a bit sorry for your mum, who must just want everyone together, without fighting about vaccinations, immigration and God-only knows what else.
I don't blame you for disliking these relatives, but vaccinations aren't really the issue.

To drip feed a little more.

I'm not hysterical. I don't have health anxiety. I have no concern for myself what so ever.
I worked front line NHS during worst peaks of pandemic. I have watched people die very very slowly of covid. I have friends and colleagues left disabled with long covid.

We all have body autonomy. I have not forced this person to be vaccinated. And yes, there may be others at the party who are quietly unvaccinated. But if you brag about it, you need to accept that this may have consequences. I don't, personally, want to spend a significant (to me) amount of money feeding and watering a person who brags about being unvaccinated. And neither do my siblings! But we also love our Mum very very much, and don't want to see her upset.

@ZenNudist you honestly can’t see a difference between those who cannot be vaccinated and those who choose not to be?

For vaccines to work effectively all those that can have them must, so that herd immunity protects those who can’t.

YABU because you're perfectly willing to invite significant numbers of other unvaccinated people because you approve of their reasons. That's understandable from an emotional standpoint, but they don't pose any less risk to your CEV relative that the unvaccinated people you're excluding because they aren't vaccinated. If this decision was based on concern for CEV relatives, you wouldn't be inviting unvaccinated children or anyone who wasn't vaccinated for medical reasons. Just own it and say you're not inviting them because you don't like their opinions and life choices. Since it's your party, that's not unreasonable. Lying about the reason is.

The title sounds like a movie The Asylum would make😂 sorry

@allZenNudist

Party isn't yet - but it's invitation sending time. And as I said in original post, think "medium sized" party. With kids, about 35 people. And all outside with a marquee (which holds 150!) if weather is terrible.

I know of a group that were due to go on holiday last week, five couples. These couples met up for a BBQ a week before the holiday. Only two people in group unvaccinated (this couple had covid earlier in year).

They all chose to take lft before flying.
Only one couple have been able to go as the other four have given each other covid.
The unvaccinated couple are the ones who have flown.

I am vaccinated and I know this is anecdotal, however it really shows the vaccination is not the shield against infection and transmission that some people believe.

OP if you don't like someone then don't invite. YABU to use their legal choice to not vaccinate as a way to score points.

@PurpleOkapi

Children under 12 haven't chosen to be unvaccinated. The friend is unable to be vaccinated due to a specific blood cancer.

The children attending are mainly mine and my siblings children. Without us there, there wouldn't be any party. We're not going to throw a party and not attend ourselves are we?!

Yabu If you were concerned about getting or catching covid you wouldn't be having a party. You are banning them because you want to make a point not because you are concerned about covid and I cannot be doing with any of that shit.

@gillysSong

Perhaps the unvaccinated wouldn't want to spend time with you anyway, you sound unhinged.

Yeah, OP is the unhinged one, the anti-vax anti mask whackjobs are the sane ones.

Sure.

OP, don't invite them. a because they are not vaccinated and b because they are massive tits. Who needs them?

Perfectly reasonable not to invite them. They have the right not to vax, and you have the right not to be around them if they are unvaxxed. Bodily autonomy works both ways. Really don't get why anyone would think otherwise.

Also perfectly reasonable to ask everyone to do a rapid swab before the party, as someone is CEV and cannot have the jab.

Clearly we need to set up colony’s for the unvaccinated - a bit like the leper colonies of old. That way we can be really clear about who the unclean are and the vaccinated can continue like with this reassuring divide.

Ps vaccinated can catch and spread covid but at least with the separation you would know you are spreading amongst yourselves rather than being contaminated by the unclean. Can I just request that us unclean get an island with sun, sea and sand 😂

Yes, leper colony and not being invited to a party are exactly the same thing

@Underhisi

Yabu If you were concerned about getting or catching covid you wouldn't be having a party. You are banning them because you want to make a point not because you are concerned about covid and I cannot be doing with any of that shit.

I think that the OP is indeed worried about Covid. That is her point. Many, many people are worried about Covid. It's not an unusual concern nor an unfounded one.

If you back down and invite them there will be a whole different group of people who won't come, probably including the tiny baby. Which group do you want to offend?

I guess the question is, is this the hill you want to die on? I don't actually disagree with you, but wouldn't be ostracising my family who chose not to have the vaccine. The Facebook shit sounds way worse to me

You can invite, or not invite, whoever you like. For whatever reason. That's your choice. People can choose to come or not, that's their choice.

(When I visit my vulnerable elderly Mum, I take an LFT the day before. I've been double vaccinated.)

I love how everyone here says "not vaccinating is my choice and I should not be discriminated against".

Except it's not.

You not vaccinating yourself means you have higher chance of falling ill, higher chance of taking up bed in hospital that can then not be used for people who did get the vaccine to protect themselves and others and need chemotherapy, cancer treatment, hip replacement etc. Your "free choice" affects my ability to access the NHS.

Are you going to live your life organising things around other people's vaccination status now?

This made me smile as this is EXACTLY what the new updated guidance for the clinically extremely vulnerable IS. It states do not mix with anyone unvaccinated...though it does NOT say how we are supposed to know who has and who hasn't.

Fucking hell. Get over yourself.

Good for you. Look after the one that cannot vaccinate and the children and baby.

Sod the ignorant anti vax idiots