Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My bridesmaid hates her dress?

496 replies

JackieBrown63 · 16/07/2021 09:43

Hi Mumsnetters! My fiance and I are getting married in less than a month and we are super excited for the big day. However, my Maid of Honor keeps pushing me to change her bridesmaid dress by cutting it up to make it short or changing the straps. I honestly did my best to work with them both and thought we came up with a dress that was a nice compromise between both their styles (I only have 2 bridesmaids). I've told my MOH that I am happy to make small alterations to make the dress more flattering if that makes her happy but don't want to change the style of the dress as I'd really like them both to match (if I have 6 bridesmaids it would be fine to have them all in a different style but think it would look odd as I only have 2). She keeps pushing the issue and I don't want to be difficult but don't see the point of them wearing "bridesmaid dresses" at all if they don't match. This is just a small issue compared to everything else but it's the day before my hen do and I just want to relax and enjoy it but right now I'm feeling teary and not much up for a laugh! Any advice would be appreciated :) x

OP posts:
Trudij123 · 17/07/2021 19:08

I think she’s massively taking the piss. If she wants to buy her own dress that’s one thing, but she’s already agreed to yours - and is now pulling out and wanting it changed beyond all recognition? No chance. I’d be suggesting maybe she’ll be more comfortable sitting on the brides side of the church as she clearly doesn’t want to fit in with the bridal party…

RampantIvy · 17/07/2021 19:10

Was that really necessary @exaltedwombat? Hmm

FrogWaa · 17/07/2021 19:13

@exaltedwombat

This is like dressing up dolls when you were 5, right? Hasn't feminism progressed beyond pssing money away on micro-managed fripperies just to celebrate the fact that you've landed a husband?*

Ok so if the best man wanted to wear swimming shorts to show off his legs and a vest top, what then? Do you think the groom would be ok with that? I'm not sure feminism has anything to do with it. Or that she's dressing people like dollies having some sort of colour scheme. It's fairly standard tradition that women and MEN engage in.

pinkcircustop · 17/07/2021 19:14

@exaltedwombat

This is like dressing up dolls when you were 5, right? Hasn't feminism progressed beyond p*ssing money away on micro-managed fripperies just to celebrate the fact that you've landed a husband?

My opinion is irrelevant. I'm sure you're a lovely person, but we don't belong to the same species.

Oh, but you do belong to the same species honey.

You’re no better than anyone else just because you don’t give a shit what you look like.

Bertiebiscuit · 17/07/2021 19:14

You didn't have to have her as a bridesmaid - it's a privilege that she is lucky to have - I'd be so very tempted to tell her to wear the dress you all chose or don't be a bridesmaid at all - it's not about her

Zzzmumzzz · 17/07/2021 19:51

Its your day. If she is a true friend she should support especially as she has been chosen to be MOH. It's wrong for her to cause you stress.

winewolfhowls · 17/07/2021 19:51

Definitely sack her off and just have the one bridesmaid, or else it will niggle away at you and tarnish your memories if you look back at the photos and she's there looking like a dick.
Have a fantastic hen do

Wexone · 17/07/2021 19:57

I am sorry now after reading all your updates I would actually be disowning this girl. this is your wedding not hers. she liked the dresses when bought now not liking them and wants to change them completely. no way honey. then organising a hen night that you don't want. is she even a friend. she is taking the piss. have a polite conversation with her during the week now. be firm the dress is staying the style it is and if she doesn't like it she can step down as bridesmaid. if she does decide to stay on. I would be not telling her any details of the wedding etc or have her involved before the big day so she can't express her opinion or dislike.

YorkshireLass2012 · 17/07/2021 20:01

OP, I have just read all your comments. I started initially thinking ok maybe agree to some minor alterations to make your MOH happy and more comfortable. But after all your updates about her not listening to your wishes about your hen do and trying to change the colour theme of your day, I strongly advise you to sack her from her role in your bridal party. What a selfish, self centred woman! You and your fiance will be looking at photos of your happy day for years to come. She won’t be. It’s your special day. So she can suck it up and wear a dress (she agreed to in the first place and hasn’t bought!) for a few hours then change into something else as you suggested. I have heard of bridezillas before but not of a MOH-zilla! This is appalling behaviour. Bin her now, save yourself any more stress and go and enjoy your hen do and your big day. Congratulations btw!

theo12 · 17/07/2021 20:18

Wow i’m amazed by some of these responses!!! ‘upset your friend’
hang on a sec it’s YOUR wedding day. YOU get to decide and she’s making you upset!?! if it was agreed before there should be no issue. IMO she’s the one being awkward and upsetting you the bride before your hen party. This is unfair and unkind x x

theo12 · 17/07/2021 20:20

perhaps suggest your lovely friend where’s something like this

My bridesmaid hates her dress?
ElleMac44 · 17/07/2021 20:28

Just let her alter the dress in anyway she wants, ask the other bridesmaid if she wants hers altered too, tell them they need to compromise on paying towards it, and then just have a nice day.

Concestor · 17/07/2021 20:31

I would tell her she can wear act dress she wants and attend as a normal guest so after can be comfortable, because you just want her to be happy, and you won't hear of anything else because her happiness is really important so she need not worry, you will be fine with just one bridesmaid and you'll sell the dress as she doesn't like it, it's totally fine.

Then just drop her after the wedding. I had a bridesmaid who made by wedding all about her. The friendship didn't last in the end.

Gandalfsthong · 17/07/2021 20:53

We based my two bm’s dresses entirely on a design my sister was keen on… my best friend went along with it. They both looked fab but my
Sister got changed straight after the service/pics because she hated it on the day 😬 it was slightly annoying I guess, but at the time I couldn’t have given two shits because it was our wedding day and I wanted her to be happy. That said, I’ve worn some vile bridesmaid dresses but just cracked on. I’d say she really hates it to keep mentioning it so I would also alter her dress. Ultimately, it’s one day that will shoot by, she will hopefully be your good friend forever. Good luck!!

Whyo · 17/07/2021 21:22

@CastawayQueen I’m unclear why you keep replying to me on points other people have raised. I have never said any of this was “useless”.

The build up to and management of an event like a wedding isn’t a small task, there are a million things that can (and some will) not go as planned. If you allows stress at every minor deviation (which lets be honest, a dress alteration is) then the process of planning becomes a burden instead of excitement. I know what memories I’d rather have.

CastawayQueen · 17/07/2021 21:25

@zurala

I would tell her she can wear act dress she wants and attend as a normal guest so after can be comfortable, because you just want her to be happy, and you won't hear of anything else because her happiness is really important so she need not worry, you will be fine with just one bridesmaid and you'll sell the dress as she doesn't like it, it's totally fine.

Then just drop her after the wedding. I had a bridesmaid who made by wedding all about her. The friendship didn't last in the end.

Yes at this point I would also be worried less about the dress and more about what else she’s do to ruin the wedding
FeeFi100 · 17/07/2021 22:07

Blossomtoes - I agree - my moh appointed herself as mod without actually asking me. I decided this week that she’d get the sack as it’s just not on.

FeeFi100 · 17/07/2021 22:45

Keen to know what happened with the ‘hen’ night!

RampantIvy · 17/07/2021 23:30

I hope we get an update tomorrow. The hen do is tonight.

The less charitable part of me thinks the MOH should be allowed to make her alterations as they don't sound very flattering, and she will regret them, especially when she sees the photos (wicked laugh)

QueenBee52 · 17/07/2021 23:43

@RampantIvy

I hope we get an update tomorrow. The hen do is tonight.

The less charitable part of me thinks the MOH should be allowed to make her alterations as they don't sound very flattering, and she will regret them, especially when she sees the photos (wicked laugh)

Ooh interesting 🤣

Trudij123 · 18/07/2021 00:18

@RampantIvy

I hope we get an update tomorrow. The hen do is tonight.

The less charitable part of me thinks the MOH should be allowed to make her alterations as they don't sound very flattering, and she will regret them, especially when she sees the photos (wicked laugh)

Yes 😂😂

I am never going to get to heaven

MrsSchadenfreude · 18/07/2021 04:03

She sounds a nightmare. Sack her as a bridesmaid and tell her she can wear what she likes and come as a guest.

Guavafish · 18/07/2021 08:55

It really doesn’t matter. If she doesn’t want to wear the dress… tell her she doesn’t have too. In the grand scheme of things it doesn’t matter. It’s more hassle than it’s worth!

What matters however, her being critical of your wedding choice and altering your wedding plans against you. I think you should stop involving her with your wedding planning. Some people just have a natural tendency to take over things rather than do what you want.

I think you should speak to her honestly and tell her your feelings. Then if she continues to stress you … you should consider distancing yourself from the friend

Anonmummyoftwo · 18/07/2021 17:22

I’d agree on a small change that you approve of but at her own cost as you had already paid for a dress she agreeed on and if she’s still not happy tell her there’s not much else todo as she’s already agreed on the dress

Blackcat333 · 18/07/2021 18:15

Upgrade the other bridesmaid to chief bridesmaid, that will show her 😂 😂 😂.