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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My bridesmaid hates her dress?

496 replies

JackieBrown63 · 16/07/2021 09:43

Hi Mumsnetters! My fiance and I are getting married in less than a month and we are super excited for the big day. However, my Maid of Honor keeps pushing me to change her bridesmaid dress by cutting it up to make it short or changing the straps. I honestly did my best to work with them both and thought we came up with a dress that was a nice compromise between both their styles (I only have 2 bridesmaids). I've told my MOH that I am happy to make small alterations to make the dress more flattering if that makes her happy but don't want to change the style of the dress as I'd really like them both to match (if I have 6 bridesmaids it would be fine to have them all in a different style but think it would look odd as I only have 2). She keeps pushing the issue and I don't want to be difficult but don't see the point of them wearing "bridesmaid dresses" at all if they don't match. This is just a small issue compared to everything else but it's the day before my hen do and I just want to relax and enjoy it but right now I'm feeling teary and not much up for a laugh! Any advice would be appreciated :) x

OP posts:
QueenBee52 · 16/07/2021 15:20

You might want to add some flour to counteract the extra egg op.

OMG

VerticalHorizon · 16/07/2021 15:27

Is the wedding reception going to be at the Queen Vic?

Dum dum dum dum dum da da dum...

Wrotten · 16/07/2021 15:27

She knows exactly what she's doing. Don't give in, OP.

LizB62A · 16/07/2021 15:28

It's your wedding, you've paid for the dress so really she should be accepting that.
However, you need to seriously think what you're going to do when she arrives on the big day having had her dress shortened and showing more flesh than you had anticipated.
If you would then drop her as a bridesmaid, make that very clear to her now.
If you would let her carry on and be your bridesmaid, then just forget about it and don't waste any more time thinking about it.

AnneKipanki · 16/07/2021 15:32

They’re not going to be looking at her .
Eyes are going to be on you . Let her change the straps but not the length.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 16/07/2021 15:33

isn't just this occasion she has totally changed what I wanted for the hen do to something she wants as well and is also trying to change the colour theme of the wedding because she doesn't think it's nice

I doubt this will come as a surprise to anyone, and you might as well put your foot down before it gets any worse

Forget what I said about doing it gently - I doubt this "friendship" will last much longer anyway, so there's little to lose

AnneKipanki · 16/07/2021 15:34

Oops !
I thought I had responded to last post but had not realised there were 15 pages .
I feel for you OP.

GintyMcGinty · 16/07/2021 15:45

Change the dress.

This is someone you like?

She will have a horrible day if she feels uncomfortable and self conscious in a dress she hates.

theresnoonequitelikegrandma · 16/07/2021 15:55

OMG! Just read the update that says you're not having the Hen Do you wanted because BMZilla vetoed it???? How on earth does that happen? I know she's organising it, but on the bride's behalf, surely?
Repeat after me OP - This is MY wedding and this woman is NOT my friend.

Hope you enjoy your Hen and have a wonderful wedding day 💐

thelastgoldeneagle · 16/07/2021 15:56

@GintyMcGinty

Change the dress.

This is someone you like?

She will have a horrible day if she feels uncomfortable and self conscious in a dress she hates.

She was happy with the dress! She had tried it on and had fittings in it and said she liked it! Why should OP change what she wants for her wedding for a CF of a 'friend'?
AnneKipanki · 16/07/2021 15:57

I would want to see her in the altered dress .

Mummyoflittledragon · 16/07/2021 15:59

@Wife2b

Sorry OP, you are being unreasonable. Surely their comfort is more important than aesthetics? I’m 8 weeks out from getting married and all I want is for everyone to have a lovely day and be comfortable. I also have two bridesmaids and couldn’t care less that they don’t match as long as they’re relaxed and enjoying the day.
Not when she wants to look like Minnie Mouse and from op’s updates is acting like a toddler. No op cannot have the hen do of her choice. No op cannot have her bm in the agreed dress of her choice. No op why do you want that wedding of your choice?

She gets worse with every update.

VerticalHorizon · 16/07/2021 16:24

I don't understand how the original post didn't set this out clearly... it's slowly becoming worse and worse.

It's almost as if...

IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves · 16/07/2021 16:44

After reading your updates I've changed my mind. Sack her! She's being a bloody prima donna

NCJ2021 · 16/07/2021 16:49

Confused she's a bit demanding isn't she?!

I've been a bridesmaid a few times and never commented on the dress. It's just rude. It's an honour in itself being a bridesmaid she's acting like you owe her a favour!

NCJ2021 · 16/07/2021 16:50

Just sack her off.

QueenBee52 · 16/07/2021 16:53

@GintyMcGinty

Change the dress.

This is someone you like?

She will have a horrible day if she feels uncomfortable and self conscious in a dress she hates.

Change the MOH...

she is SUPPOSED to like the Bride..

not harassing the Bride into changing her Hen Do to suit the MOH .. and stressing the Bride so much .. The Bride won't enjoy HER WEDDING DAY 😳🌸

VerticalHorizon · 16/07/2021 16:57

Perfect

My bridesmaid hates her dress?
AnneKipanki · 16/07/2021 16:57

😂

MaMaD1990 · 16/07/2021 17:04

I'd be sacking this one off. Regardless of whether or not you fall in the camp of 'wear what you're given' or 'bridesmaids should feel comfortable', the fact is she liked the dress and agreed to wear it. The fact she can't even come to a compromise with you is baffling and makes me think she's a self entitled little madam. I wouldn't bother meeting her for the day tomorrow and just go out with your other friends in the evening...what a twot.

VerticalHorizon · 16/07/2021 17:07

Id' be sacking her off too!

My bridesmaid hates her dress?
AnneKipanki · 16/07/2021 17:09

Perfect dress .
Right length. She won’t look wide in that .

Puzzledandpissedoff · 16/07/2021 17:17

Perfect, VerticalHorizon Grin

Not sure what this nonsense is about her "looking wide" in the dress is though. If she thought that to start with, how the hell would a lower cutand skinny straps help??

Ivecomeoutoflurking · 16/07/2021 17:29

I've mainly just read the ops posts after the first few pages so sorry if this has been said but I think I'd now be ringing the seamstress and telling her not to alter anything on the dress except the straps if you're happy about those.
I think I'd be sitting her down tmw and saying look I know you're not happy but this is mine and dhs day. We want the dress to stay as it is however we'll compromise with the straps. If you really aren't comfortable with the dress that you did originally agree with then would you be happier to attend as a guest? It might put us all at ease.

AnxiousPixie · 16/07/2021 17:32

Been a bridesmaid the times, didn't really like my dress any time. You suck it up as you are a friend of the bride and it's her day, not yours. If the bride thinks you look good then....