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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My bridesmaid hates her dress?

496 replies

JackieBrown63 · 16/07/2021 09:43

Hi Mumsnetters! My fiance and I are getting married in less than a month and we are super excited for the big day. However, my Maid of Honor keeps pushing me to change her bridesmaid dress by cutting it up to make it short or changing the straps. I honestly did my best to work with them both and thought we came up with a dress that was a nice compromise between both their styles (I only have 2 bridesmaids). I've told my MOH that I am happy to make small alterations to make the dress more flattering if that makes her happy but don't want to change the style of the dress as I'd really like them both to match (if I have 6 bridesmaids it would be fine to have them all in a different style but think it would look odd as I only have 2). She keeps pushing the issue and I don't want to be difficult but don't see the point of them wearing "bridesmaid dresses" at all if they don't match. This is just a small issue compared to everything else but it's the day before my hen do and I just want to relax and enjoy it but right now I'm feeling teary and not much up for a laugh! Any advice would be appreciated :) x

OP posts:
dementedmummy · 16/07/2021 17:41

If the bride and groom (or their parents) are paying for the bridesmaids frocks, as a bridesmaid you suck it up and wear whatever they want. If the bridesmaid is paying, then other than colour, the bride has no say on budget, cut or style. In this case your bridesmaid is being unreasonable. Presumably she gets to keep the dress afterwards so she can alter it then to her heart's content. Otherwise if she isnt prepared to wear the dress as paid for, her option is to resign as bridesmaid. Good luck and congratulations on your wedding 🎉

lazyarse123 · 16/07/2021 17:42

I think at this point i'd sack her from the role. It's your wedding she's had hers. Don't understand all the pp saying her feelings should come before yours they don't.
I hate hen do's but that should have been your choice too.

QueenBee52 · 16/07/2021 17:51

@lazyarse123

I think at this point i'd sack her from the role. It's your wedding she's had hers. Don't understand all the pp saying her feelings should come before yours they don't. I hate hen do's but that should have been your choice too.

Spot On 🎉

FlippinFedUp21 · 16/07/2021 17:54

God, I desperately want to see a picture of this dress.

QueenBee52 · 16/07/2021 17:55

@FlippinFedUp21

God, I desperately want to see a picture of this dress.

hahaaa I kinda do too 🤣😂

Standrewsschool · 16/07/2021 18:01

Haven’t read the whole thread, and I know I’m going to sound old, but many moons ago, the bridesmaid wore what the bride wanted. They may have looked like a peach meringue, but so what. It wasn’t up to the bridesmaid to dictate what she wanted, it’s the brides day, not the bridesmaid. She supposed to be supporting you, not the other way around.

AnneKipanki · 16/07/2021 18:02

@FlippinFedUp21

God, I desperately want to see a picture of this dress.
OP posted something similar to the dress in one of her posts.
MimiDaisy11 · 16/07/2021 18:09

It’s really not being a bridezilla to choose what the bridesmaids wear. You’re not supposed to make demands especially so close to the wedding.

And in this case the bride consulted with the bridesmaids.

Do you really want this person as your bridesmaid? They sound demanding and controlling as well as how they’re making you dread your hen night

Invisablewoman · 16/07/2021 18:12

My best bridesmaid experience was when the bride told the three of us "I don't care what it's like as long as it's black" Grin

jacks11 · 16/07/2021 18:16

As she was involved in choosing originally and agreed the style, then I think she should put up with it. Perhaps change the straps, but that would be about it. Why should you have to pay for another dress when she approved of the first?

jacks11 · 16/07/2021 18:20

I’ve just read your message. Tell her it is your wedding, you choose the colour/theme etc an d she does not get a say! I actually don’t think she’s that good a friend- I would never go this to a friend. Do you want her as matron of honour?

jacks11 · 16/07/2021 18:21

Your message= your last post!

Notebooksarefabulous · 16/07/2021 19:39

I think shes being a moo. It sounds like you've gone to a lot of effort and expense re the dresses - having consulted her during the process. Somehow she is making this all about her on what will be your day.

QueenBee52 · 16/07/2021 19:52

@JackieBrown63

The theme is yellow/summery so we picked dresses similar to this but full length:

www.asos.com/maya/maya-bridesmaid-mesh-top-delicate-sequin-midi-dress-in-lemon/prd/11659977?clr=lemon&colourWayId=16354429&SearchQuery=maya%20bridesmaid%20dress&affid=5497&currencyid=1&channelref=affiliate&pubref=66350&publisher=MyOneWeddingTheBridalFashionGuide&awc=5678_1626428661_448842b9d50dab4c535d7a3501abafa6

I personally think they are so pretty and the girls look amazing in them. I'm happy to have slight alterations to make her comfortable I said that all along but I LOVE these dresses and don't want to go chopping them up it feels wrong LOL.

this is rather lovely tbh ... 🌸

Standrewsschool · 16/07/2021 20:06

Pretty dresses

OVienna · 16/07/2021 20:32

@JackieBrown63

The dresses aren't from Asos they were from a bridal shop. The picture is the most similar I can find to the dress style. :)

I thought she was happy with it and we agreed to make slight alterations no problem but she texted me this morning saying she's booked the seamstress and having it altered how she wants it and I honestly don't like the idea. I haven't said anything to her yet I just wanted to get a better idea of how to handle it. Tomorrow's my hen do and I really don't feel up for it right now LOL

YANBU. She is being outrageous. "Friend, I'd appreciate it if you didn't alter the dress as there is a risk the alterations won't work out well. As it is my wedding, I'd expect the courtesy of being able to approve the dress. I know I like this one but if I don't like the end result I won't want to have to buy another. I am sure having been a brude yourself you'll appreciate my views on this arent unusual."

StoneofDestiny · 16/07/2021 21:10

She should just wear the bloody dress

I agree - what a fuss to make instead of just letting the bride and groom get on with things. It's only going to be on her for a few hours.

StoneofDestiny · 16/07/2021 21:15

Just looked at your lookalike dresses - they are lovely!
Id just tell her to step down as a bridesmaid as it's causing you stress you don't need. Then sell the dress.

Can't believe anybody would make such fuss over something like this.

morningsheresingingguy · 16/07/2021 21:20

F

ViaRia · 16/07/2021 21:27

Change the dress, keep the friend.

If she’s just genuinely uncomfortable in the dress, then how could you feel happy all day knowing that your friend feels crap?

I suppose if you suspect she’s one of those ‘all about me’ type of people or kicking up a fuss to be difficult, with little regard for your wishes or your purse… then maybe I’d feel differently. Having said that, if that’s the case I wouldn’t have asked her to be my bridesmaid in the first place.

Pl242 · 16/07/2021 21:36

I think the context you’ve shared re the way she has gone about it makes me feel YANBU.

If she’d come to you saying “I know this is a real pain and I don’t want to cause you any stress, but even though I agreed to the dress, I just feel so so uncomfortable in it. I’d really feel better if I could alter is slightly? Let’s talk about how we can make it work” etc then they would be one thing.

But she’s just dictating her terms, making it all about her and frankly doesn’t sound like a very good friend to you!

QueenBee52 · 16/07/2021 22:33

Change the dress, keep the friend.

If she’s just genuinely uncomfortable in the dress, then how could you feel happy all day knowing that your friend feels crap?

Change the friend... keep the dress...

anyone who does this to a Bride weeks before her Wedding is not a friend, imagine causing this amount of stress, after you've managed to manipulate the Bride into changing the HenDo to suit the MOH...

THIS is no friend...

Skysblue · 16/07/2021 22:40

I’d just tell her you’re stressed out by all the things left to do and can’t afford to buy her another dress but if she wants to take it away and have it altered however she likes then fine. Unless the situation is eg thenofher bridesmaid is fat and this one is slim and leggy and trying to cut the dress into a mini to get attention and upstage…

ViaRia · 17/07/2021 08:13

@QueenBee52

Change the dress, keep the friend.

If she’s just genuinely uncomfortable in the dress, then how could you feel happy all day knowing that your friend feels crap?

Change the friend... keep the dress...

anyone who does this to a Bride weeks before her Wedding is not a friend, imagine causing this amount of stress, after you've managed to manipulate the Bride into changing the HenDo to suit the MOH...

THIS is no friend...

I mean… I did also say in the same post that I suppose it depends on the attitude of the friend. And if she is simply making a fuss/ seeking attention then I wouldn’t have her as a bridesmaid anyway. I think I was pretty balanced but then you’ve only quoted half of my post.

Essentially, what I was getting at is that if it is a good friend who you love, don’t let the image of a perfect wedding get in the way of a lifelong friendship. Keep things in perspective. Of course, I agree, it depends greatly on the attitude of the friend.

I didn’t see anything about changing the hen do to suit MOH. Apologies, must have missed that bit…

VerticalHorizon · 17/07/2021 08:44

Ditch the bridegroom and the bridesmaids, call off the wedding, keep the toaster and coffee maker.

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