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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My bridesmaid hates her dress?

496 replies

JackieBrown63 · 16/07/2021 09:43

Hi Mumsnetters! My fiance and I are getting married in less than a month and we are super excited for the big day. However, my Maid of Honor keeps pushing me to change her bridesmaid dress by cutting it up to make it short or changing the straps. I honestly did my best to work with them both and thought we came up with a dress that was a nice compromise between both their styles (I only have 2 bridesmaids). I've told my MOH that I am happy to make small alterations to make the dress more flattering if that makes her happy but don't want to change the style of the dress as I'd really like them both to match (if I have 6 bridesmaids it would be fine to have them all in a different style but think it would look odd as I only have 2). She keeps pushing the issue and I don't want to be difficult but don't see the point of them wearing "bridesmaid dresses" at all if they don't match. This is just a small issue compared to everything else but it's the day before my hen do and I just want to relax and enjoy it but right now I'm feeling teary and not much up for a laugh! Any advice would be appreciated :) x

OP posts:
IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 17/07/2021 09:13

Mine picked their own dresses, I had no preference on colour or style. I’d never have chosen for them, they are adults and have their own style and taste.
I don’t subscribe to the whole big day though or staged photos for SM etc and just wanted to get married with our close group of important people.

Whyo · 17/07/2021 09:17

I don’t think your fiancé feels any way as strongly about bridesmaid dresses as you think he does.

You get to “control” the entire day, absolutely no one will care about the bridesmaids matching exactly. They’re adults let them dress in clothes they prefer.

RampantIvy · 17/07/2021 09:24

I don’t subscribe to the whole big day though or staged photos for SM etc and just wanted to get married with our close group of important people.

I'm with you on this. However, I feel that the MOH having agreed to the dress then suddenly changing her mind just a few weeks ahead of the wedding, and arranging the hen night to suit her own purposes instead of what the bride would prefer is rather inconsiderate.

I also don't understand why arranging a hen night is the MOH's "duty". I am an old gimmer, and back in the day the bride just invited a group of friends out for a meal and a few drinks. There were no gimmicks, silly hats, trips abroad etc.

CastawayQueen · 17/07/2021 13:39

@IceCreamAndCandyfloss @Whyo
it’s not morally superior to ‘not care about the big day’. It’s classic MN to be all ‘I got married in a burlap sack in public toilets’ (which I’m pleasantly surprised to see there isn’t lots of on this thread).

But it’s perfectly reasonable to want to have a vision of what you want and expect it to be followed (within reason of course). And as in this case OP has paid for tailored dresses for friend with her agreement. All she has to do is wear it.

I also bet no matter how laissez faire you are you wouldn’t be happy if one of your bridesmaids that you let wear whatever turned up in an outfit that was very unsuitable (like a clubbing outfit )…

ScrollingLeaves · 17/07/2021 14:20

If MOH has square, broad shoulders, she could wear a gauzy/delicate shawl to hide them.

GlencoraP · 17/07/2021 14:27

@ScrollingLeaves the dress already has mesh covering the shoulders . The MOH wants to remove this to display more flesh not less. She wants to replace the covered shoulders with spaghetti straps and shorten the long dress to above the knee, I don’t think modesty is the problem

Whyo · 17/07/2021 14:42

@CastawayQueen I don’t know why you’ve included me in that as it isn’t anywhere close to what I said. Reread.

The concept of micromanaging adults who you are already telling how to dress, on a day that you have already so much to be dealing with, is truly bizarre.

ThinWomansBrain · 17/07/2021 14:53

compromise on the bridesmaids, not the dress
She agreed to the dress earlier, now wants to change her mind at a late stage it's not as if you've sprung something hideous on her at the last moment.
Doesn't want to wear the dress?

  • fine, attends as a guest should offer to reimburse you for the dress, but probably won't
Feedingthebirds1 · 17/07/2021 15:21

She agreed to the dress earlier, now wants to change her mind at a late stage

Possibly even left it this late because she thinks it's too close to the wedding for the OP to sack her off so she'll get her own way.

CastawayQueen · 17/07/2021 16:13

[quote Whyo]@CastawayQueen I don’t know why you’ve included me in that as it isn’t anywhere close to what I said. Reread.

The concept of micromanaging adults who you are already telling how to dress, on a day that you have already so much to be dealing with, is truly bizarre.[/quote]
That’s the thing - nobody’s micromanaging.
All OP is wants is for something she has paid for (with the others person’s prior approval) to not be damaged. All she’s asking is for them to wear the dress. That’s reasonable.

‘Micromanaging’ would be things in the category of telling the BM how to do their hair, go on a diet, etc etc (which a lot of bridezillas’ do).

Asking someone to wear a dress is far from that…

But then again you think all of this is useless anyway so why bother right

Blueink · 17/07/2021 17:31

I don’t blame you for being upset. I don’t agree she should drastically alter the dress, especially without you agreeing the changes. Why did she agree the style at the time? As a bridesmaid mostly the bride gets to choose your outfit and you have to compromise what might your own style. She got to have the dress/wedding she wanted as a bride. I would put my foot down, seems she wasn’t a great choice, sorry.

peppermintpat · 17/07/2021 17:37

Tell her she can change it how she wants but you ain't payin'!

bluebeck · 17/07/2021 17:38

So she says she doesn't like her arms on show and then wants more skin on show?

And she wants to make the dress really short?

I would say no. Either she wears the dress as agreed or she can't be MOH.

wasmarriedtoacockwomble · 17/07/2021 17:43

I’m getting married in a couple of years and have told my bridesmaids that once I choose the colour then they can choose their own dresses to avoid this situation. I would let her make alterations but you also need to be happy with it too. You have asked her to be part of your day so she needs to feel comfortable which will also allow her to enjoy the day too

LadySwimmer · 17/07/2021 17:45

It is YOUR special day.
I have been both a MOH and bridesmaid and wore exactly what the bride asked as did my friends for myself and so should she.

LH1987 · 17/07/2021 17:59

She should wear it, I was once a bridesmaid in a wedding in China. I wore a strapless full length tuile bubble gum pink gown. I looked like Glenda the good witch had fallen off the diet wagon. I did with a smile on my face.

Tunaandbobby · 17/07/2021 18:01

I would tell her she either wears the dress as it is or she doesn’t go to the wedding. No way would I expect someone to change a dress I had paid for to wear at my wedding.

Hertsgirl10 · 17/07/2021 18:15

She sounds like a son tbh 🙈 yanbu.

pinkcircustop · 17/07/2021 18:17

Any update, OP?

Ravenclawsome · 17/07/2021 18:18

If she was paying I might see her point, but she's a CF to expect you to be OK with massive changes to dresses you paid for.

It's not just a dress in this scenario, it's a financial outlay.

DreamsDoComeTrue1974 · 17/07/2021 18:22

Remind her that it's your wedding if she doesn't want to wear the dress she previously agreed to then that's fine, she can stand down!

LalalalalalaLand123 · 17/07/2021 18:42

Remind her that it's your wedding if she doesn't want to wear the dress she previously agreed to then that's fine, she can stand down!

This. No hard feelings or drama, just stand down. She agreed to the dress, and is now wanting to change it entirely. She sounds absolutely awful OP.

SquashMinusIsShit · 17/07/2021 18:47

How is your hen do @JackieBrown63

Hertsgirl10 · 17/07/2021 19:06

@Hertsgirl10

She sounds like a son tbh 🙈 yanbu.
What the hell 😂 sounds like a pain is what I meant!
exaltedwombat · 17/07/2021 19:08

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