Step daughter and bedroom size

[Squeakysqueal]

I would appreciate some advice on this situation. We have Step DD who’s 11 and lives 50/50 between ours and her mum’s, DS also 11, and DD who’s 6, who live with us full time and a baby on the way. We’re moving house and our new house isn’t quite as big, the same amount of bedrooms but smaller. The plan has been for Step DD to have the smallest room and DS and DD to have the slightly bigger rooms. Step DD is upset by how small her room is, it is a small room so I understand that. There’s only really space for a single bed and a wardrobe or drawers. DH has suggested DD going in the smaller room with her being quite a bit younger but I think it makes sense with living arrangements for step DD to have it. Especially as when the baby is old enough she’ll be sharing the bigger room. Step DD says she wouldn’t mind sharing with the baby in the future but I think she definitely will, she’ll be a teenager by then. We could have DS in the small room but again with him being here full time and step DD part time it makes sense. She feels like there’s some favouritism going on and I can see why it feels that way from her perspective but that’s definitely not the case. I’ve said we can decorate the room however she likes but she’s just not happy with the situation

"Stepmums, why don't you just suggest putting her under the stairs, Harry Potter style? After all, she's just half the time there. She's not a real person.*

My DSD is Harry Potter mad and would actually love this!

@HeckyPeck that cracked me up :)

Just to note, I'm not against kids sharing rooms (actually against popular mn opinion, find it sweet) , nor against box rooms. It's just that I feel the DSD is getting the short end of the straw here just because of being only 50% there through no choice of her own. She might feel sidelined, and the situation should be handled with more care.

@Viviennemary be careful, someone might come along shortly to say camping and outdoors fresh air will be very good for step kids :D

@Viviennemary

How about a tent in the garden. And take it down when she isn't there. Because she doesn't really need a room at your house since she's only there half the time and has a room at her Mums house. After all no child needs two rooms.

Literally nobody has said she doesn't need two rooms. She is getting her own room. Do you have difficulty with comprehension?

[quote Teenyton]@Viviennemary be careful, someone might come along shortly to say camping and outdoors fresh air will be very good for step kids :D[/quote]
Except they won't because the only people making stupid comments on this thread are fully paid up members of the bitter ex wives club.

Personally, I wouldn't be having another baby if I couldn't adequately accommodate all the children, but I realise that's not helpful.

Is there a shed DSD could use?

@Cam2020

Personally, I wouldn't be having another baby if I couldn't adequately accommodate all the children, but I realise that's not helpful.

Is there a shed DSD could use?

But they are adequately accomodating all the children. What part of having your own bedroom isn't adequate?

@Cam2020

Personally, I wouldn't be having another baby if I couldn't adequately accommodate all the children, but I realise that's not helpful.

Is there a shed DSD could use?

All the children are adequately accommodated, either by having a room of their own or sharing one. Sharing a bedroom is completely normal. One to yourself is a luxury.

@Cam2020

Personally, I wouldn't be having another baby if I couldn't adequately accommodate all the children, but I realise that's not helpful.

Is there a shed DSD could use?

They are more than adequately accommodated, what a ridiculous slant.

The people who keep coming on and insisting this set up is really unfair and discriminatory towards DSD consistently seem to do so because they think her 50/50 status means she, and children like her, often get the raw end of the deal. What I want to know is what their perceived solution is. Are they saying they think she should be given the bigger room purely to compensate for that?

The reality is that upset over being 50/50 and all that ensues is not the only thing at play here that could cause upset. Any one of the children, given the box room, could conjure up a perfectly valid reason to find that upsetting, not just DSD. (Certain) people seem to be acting like anyone not prioritising DSDs feelings about being between part of two households above everyone else's, is being cruel and just doesn't care about her, but I would say those people need to think a little harder about how either of the other children might feel in the small room, and realise that actually there's no one child whose emotions "trump" the others, leaving only practical considerations with which to make this decision.

And yes, also remind themselves that box rooms are not actual cardboard boxes. They are small rooms.

@Cam2020

Step DD is upset by how small her room is, it is a small room so I understand that.

Inadequate.

Inadequate would be no room. 11 year old's are also upset about not having mansions and ponies, it doesn't mean they aren't provided for adequately.

All the children are adequately accommodated, either by having a room of their own or sharing one. Sharing a bedroom is completely normal. One to yourself is a luxury.

^Exactly. It was completely the norm to share a room with a sibling when a lot of us were growing up. I didn’t even have my own room until I was 12 years old.

I’d say that the small bedroom is fine for DSD, as it means she’ll never have to share. Just let her decorate it the way she wants. She might say that she’ll be happy to share with the baby, but she won’t like it when she’s born, as it will mean that she has no privacy.

@Cam2020

Step DD is upset by how small her room is, it is a small room so I understand that.

Inadequate.

Lol. So what about every resident child who has a small room? Every child that has to share?

You are clearly very privileged and naïve.

@Cam2020

Personally, I wouldn't be having another baby if I couldn't adequately accommodate all the children, but I realise that's not helpful.

Is there a shed DSD could use?

So she'll feel more part of the family shunted off to a shed in the garden while the three resident children have their own bedrooms inside the house.

Got it.

My DS had the box room for years. He did grumble at times but when it actually came for him to move he said he liked his cosy room. DSS whinged it was a bit small when it became his but I don't have infinite space or money!

I agree it makes sense for the younger girls to share as they will be closer in age. Have early baths/bedtimes etc.

How small is room

Our box is 9.6 x 7.3

And I lived in one that size for
15yrs full time

@SleepingStandingUp

The other option is to put the girls into the bog room together and set the box up as the nursery

This is what I was going to suggest

What a shame for your stepdaughter. Try and imagine how she must be feeling - unwanted and unloved and not part of the family. She might be sensitive about that anyway, given that she is split between two families all the time.

@ImmyMc

What a shame for your stepdaughter. Try and imagine how she must be feeling - unwanted and unloved and not part of the family. She might be sensitive about that anyway, given that she is split between two families all the time.

Can you explain why it is a shame for her to have the smallest bedroom? Can you explain why it would make her feel unwanted or unloved?

Can you then explain why it would be perfectly fine for one of the other children to have this room? And why they wouldn't feel unwanted or unloved?

@amission

Don't blame her.

She's feeling sidelined.

Justifiably.

One of the kids will (although I don't think a smaller bedroom is a reason to) and sd is only there part time 🤷‍♀️

Why should a child that is there full time give up a bigger room to a child that is only there half the time?

Yanbu op.

@Getyourarseofffthequattro oh I see now! That's why you guys were commenting that you saw me messaging in another thread etc? You think the only people who criticise your thought process could be ex wife! You got me wrong, I'm happily married with three kids, and have never been an ex. Lol...

"What a shame for your stepdaughter. Try and imagine how she must be feeling - unwanted and unloved and not part of the family. She might be sensitive about that anyway, given that she is split between two families all the time."

My thoughts are much the same. I really can't understand the lack of empathy here and all these people talking about technicalities, oh she's there only 50%, oh but it's not her main address where she's registered to a gp, (wtf?!), oh having a room itself is enough (she should just be thankful being able to set foot in her dad's house I guess...)

@Teenyton What on Earth is your argument? What do you want to happen? If your entire argument is just that you think people aren't being empathetic enough, maybe consider that they are talking to other adults about practical solutions, not demonstrating how they would plan on speaking to the child about it. Making statements like people are suggesting she should feel grateful to set foot in her dad's house is just making you look ridiculous