Step daughter and bedroom size

[Squeakysqueal]

I would appreciate some advice on this situation. We have Step DD who’s 11 and lives 50/50 between ours and her mum’s, DS also 11, and DD who’s 6, who live with us full time and a baby on the way. We’re moving house and our new house isn’t quite as big, the same amount of bedrooms but smaller. The plan has been for Step DD to have the smallest room and DS and DD to have the slightly bigger rooms. Step DD is upset by how small her room is, it is a small room so I understand that. There’s only really space for a single bed and a wardrobe or drawers. DH has suggested DD going in the smaller room with her being quite a bit younger but I think it makes sense with living arrangements for step DD to have it. Especially as when the baby is old enough she’ll be sharing the bigger room. Step DD says she wouldn’t mind sharing with the baby in the future but I think she definitely will, she’ll be a teenager by then. We could have DS in the small room but again with him being here full time and step DD part time it makes sense. She feels like there’s some favouritism going on and I can see why it feels that way from her perspective but that’s definitely not the case. I’ve said we can decorate the room however she likes but she’s just not happy with the situation

Child benefit- claim by the parent who earns under £50k or whatever the cut off is

GP- registered in the address which is in the catchment for the better surgery

School- registered in the address in the catchment of the better school

UCAS- register in the household with the lower income

Are you absolutely certain about all this? Sounds a bit dodgy to me. Especially the school application.

I know social housing applications can only include the child once because they’re only seen as needing one main home funnily enough. Not saying that’s OP’s situation before anyone bites my head off.

@Teenyton

"GreyhoundG1rl

Sounds like you know nothing about 50/50 care 🤔
Can you explain why that post isn't the case? I don't know anything either, but I'd have assumed (incorrectly?) that a child wouldn't officially have two main residences.

I think it's more because in the child's mind, it's not about the official classification of her home but that she's spending an equal time in both homes so may not consider one her 'main'.

Obvs she probably only has one official address though, but That shouldn't impact on the bedroom thing."

Exactly. You're just hiding behind a technicality. She's 50-50. It's her home period.

I'm not hiding behind anything 😂. I asked a question. And it was answered, very politely, by several posters.

@Draineddraineddrained

People arent having a go at OP for failing to provide a mansion for her kids; they are having a go at her for having MORE kids when she currently only has space for the ones she's got.

Of course she has space; even if there were 5 children there would be space with bunks in the larger rooms. Many children share rooms, it’s normal .

GreyhoundG1rl she’s aiming it at me don’t worry.

@Teenyton

Stepmums, why don't you just suggest putting her under the stairs, Harry Potter style? After all, she's just half the time there. She's not a real person. Unbelievable...

Yes because that's the same as having your own bedroom.....

@Viviennemary

So Stepmums kids get the best rooms and Cinders gets the boxroom. Poor show.

The Dsd has a room to herself at her mum’s. Dsd also gets a room to herself at her dad’s. Doesn’t matter the size, she still has 2 bedrooms all to herself whilst OP’s biological Dds have to share. OP’s Ds should have the third largest room because he’s there 100% all the time and doesn’t have another bedroom. Why should Dsd have a big room all to herself?

She’s hardly Cinderella

I’d give her the bigger room now but warn her that it might have to change once the baby is here. Decorate neutrally. An 11 yr old needs more space than a 6 yr old and it sounds like it’s a bit symbolic for her. If you warn her now that it might not be forever she’ll probably feel much better when the baby’s here.

@Heronwatcher

I’d give her the bigger room now but warn her that it might have to change once the baby is here. Decorate neutrally. An 11 yr old needs more space than a 6 yr old and it sounds like it’s a bit symbolic for her. If you warn her now that it might not be forever she’ll probably feel much better when the baby’s here.

No, I wouldn’t bother with switching rooms. Dsd will resent moving once she’s made her bedroom all hers.

Master - mum and dad
2nd largest - 6yo and baby dds
3rd largest - ds (he’s there 100% of the time and doesn’t have a second bedroom)
Smallest room - Dsd (she’s there 50% of the time and already has another bedroom, neither of which she has to share).

@Teenyton

Stepmums, why don't you just suggest putting her under the stairs, Harry Potter style? After all, she's just half the time there. She's not a real person. Unbelievable...

😂 Pulling the same stunt on another thread I see.

I would make the small room a nursery so that no one has to share with the baby and have both the older girls share one of the big rooms.

When the baby is ready to move from a cot to a bed give DSD (as the oldest) first refusal on having the smaller room as her own private room or to continue sharing with one of her sisters.

@funinthesun19

Child benefit- claim by the parent who earns under £50k or whatever the cut off is

GP- registered in the address which is in the catchment for the better surgery

School- registered in the address in the catchment of the better school

UCAS- register in the household with the lower income

Are you absolutely certain about all this? Sounds a bit dodgy to me. Especially the school application.

I know social housing applications can only include the child once because they’re only seen as needing one main home funnily enough. Not saying that’s OP’s situation before anyone bites my head off.

Haha, it does sound dodgy in black and white like that, but honestly there's no rule that everything has to be in one address. You can literally put either address on anything because both addresses are the child's address. I don't know about social housing though.

@aSofaNearYou this poster has been active on the packed lunh thread too hasnt she

@TatianaBis

An 11 year and 6 year old cannot share a room.

Apart from anything else 11 year old will need quiet space to do homework.

That's funny, my two kids shared a room until the older went to uni. They are 4 ½ years apart. They also both managed to do homework.

We even had another bedroom, I told them they could have their own rooms if they kept the room tidy (not spick and span, just able to see most of the carpet) for a month. They both decided that they'd rather share.

Children do not necessarily need their own rooms.

In many cultures the whole family sleep together.

Saw you there too sofa, nice! sm threads are very interesting!

@Teenyton

Stepmums, why don't you just suggest putting her under the stairs, Harry Potter style? After all, she's just half the time there. She's not a real person. Unbelievable...

I honestly just don't get this at all.

I am a stepmum and in OP's shoes, I would genuinely think the best thing for SD would be to have her own bedroom from the start, even if it's smaller?

I actually think OP is putting SD ahead of her own 2 girls here because her plan is that SD will have her own room always, and neither of them will. It's not ideal for a 7/8 year old to share with a young toddler either, but that's what OP is saying her DD can do, so that SD doesn't have to and she has her own space?

A lot of people would be saying SD has to share the bigger room with DD6 so that the new baby could have their own room when needed, so nobody's sleep is disturbed.

The option for SD to have a bigger bedroom solo is just not there, whichever girl sleeps in the bigger room will also need to share with the baby. It makes no sense for DS to be in the box room when there will be another, bigger room standing empty 50% of the time.

SD may say she's happy to share with the baby right now, but that's just because it's not reality. Will she really be happy in a year's time when the baby moves in, her room gets filled with baby stuff, she can no longer use it after baby's bedtime and she's potentially being woken multiple times a night?

I understand that she feels upset about it right now but, thinking of my own SCs, one of whom is 11, I think a sit down and proper chat about the reasons why could make her see it quite differently. I know my SS would feel happy if he thought about it in the sense that he might have a smaller room but it would be all his own while his siblings had to share.

Yeah sorry I posted too quickly without thinking about the baby. I agree actually that having a room to herself that she doesn’t have to share is a huge plus point for DSD even if it’s smaller.

@bibidy

I think you're right about not understanding what it will be like to share with a baby.

OP - I'd recommend getting some pictures from Pinterest showing what it looks like to have half the room with baby's stuff - cot, toys etc and explain what the sleep schedule will be like. It's going to be very hard for a then teenager to get homework done in peace and quiet, play music, hang out with friends in a room with a cot and baby things.

Show her some cool pictures of what potential the small room has with one of those raised beds with the desk underneath etc.

Also if you do end up having her in the smaller room I recommend that you decorate the larger room straight away to be both the baby's room and your younger DD. So that it's not that her younger sister gets a big room to herself, it's always half the baby's room.

I shared these on that other thread about the SD and the dressing room / sofa issue but I think if your DSD sees that the big room is part nursery from the beginning then it won't look like such a bad deal to get the smaller but fully private room.

I actually think the Dad would be given a harder time than the OP.

"I have an 11 year old daughter from a previous relationship and a six year old dd with partner as well as an 11 year old stepson, we're moving house soon, it's the same number of bedrooms but one is much smaller and we also have another baby on the way, I think my daughter from my previous relationship should have the box room that will only fit a bed and wardrobe in, because my eldest stepson doesn't spend time at his own Dads and my eldest dd is only here 50 per cent of the time, it makes sense that the child I who only lives me half the time gets the box room so that the children I live with full time get the bigger ones but she feels I'm treating my other children more favourably because I don't have her as much, she has her own room at her mums and the box room means she won't have to share with our new baby but she still feels it's unfair and says she doesn't mind sharing with the baby. My stepson shouldn't have the box room cos he's here seven nights a week whereas she's only here two or three, I even told her she can choose how it's decorated"

I can imagine the responses he'd get on here.

I honestly think the responses would be the same. His daughter is getting her own room?? Loads of people wouldn't be able to afford a 4-bed place and she'd have no choice but to share.

All that will happen if she ends up in the big room with the baby is that her room will end up covered with all the crap from the younger children, because DD6 will be in there using her floorspace to play when she's not there and the baby will turn into a toddler and then all their shit will be everywhere too!

The only way she gets any privacy and a proper space of her own is to accept the smaller room. She can do whatever she wants with it, decorate it, get a cool high up bed so she has space underneath, have friends over without her younger sisters in and out...

Biggest room to the two little ones (because they're sharing).
Second room to the (step) child who doesn't have any contact with his other parent.
Smallest room to the (step) child who is there half the time.

Both the 11 year old are going to need privacy in the coming years, makes no sense for them to have to share when there are enough bedrooms. And your son has went from being an only child to being the only boy in a family of girls - he'll need more space to get away (from my experience anyway).

I honestly don’t get what’s wrong with having a box room?! I had one growing up and it’s a high sleeper (no desk managed fine on bed or table still aced my exams) we’d stick a blow up mattress under for sleep overs (I’d offer to sleep on that and my friends would have the bed) or if I had lots of friends over my mum would give us the living room for the evening.

I loved it! Had a canopy over my bed lots of glow in the dark stars and paint (very 90/00s) still has room for wardrobe or drawers, tv when I was older and loved hanging out in there on the big floor cushion under my bed. Made myself some curtains listen to music read was fantastic!

We have for the kids a box room, middle size room and large attic room. My ds 9 (who is my DH stepson) has the attic currently via choice, DS2 in the middle room (autistic 3yr old so needed more space for his special toys and his safe space when it’s too much) and DD (1) has the box room but it’s plenty big enough for her. There will be space for a selection of toys and the rest are in the living room where they have room to play! Ds2 room has big fitted wardrobes so he and dd share those.

DS1 has already said when dd is older he wants
To swap so she has the bugger attic room and he’ll go into the box. He wants a high sleeper with space under to game with his mates

You can get a really nice high sleeper with room for a desk underneath and even an armchair to hang out. Even ones with built in storage space and wardrobes.

I can't imagine a teenage girl who wouldn't rather have a cool room like this vs sharing with a younger sibling.

@Wildest

In our house the smallest person gets the smallest room. 50/50 is often enough that she deserves the space and a baby won't care about a small room but a tween/teenager will spend a lot of time in theirs.

Yeah. This is how we do it.

However my eldest then decided she wanted the tiny box room. My youngest got the massive room. Worked out for us

But yes. Normally I agree with most of the posters. That the smallest person gets the smallest room

I must admit. If my dad had done this. I wouldn’t of felt like I was important in the family. This happened to my mother also and her dad went into have more children who were given better everything. Because they lived there all the time

It never ends well.

But in this family's scenario, the smallest person is about to be the baby.

Which means the older two daughters then share the bigger room.

If age is the qualifier then the private single room is the prize, no?

It feels like a lot of people have missed that there aregoing to be three daughters fitting into two rooms. (About to be 12, 7, >1)

They are suggesting the oldest (DSD) takes the smaller room because she will be the only girl who is not sharing her bedroom.

A teenager sharing with a baby/toddler seems crazy.