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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Cheeky fucker texting my dh

437 replies

Mojitoqueen · 15/07/2021 17:46

Dd has a friend at school. I arranged a play date for her and her friend. Turned out I was working so dh picked up the girls and took them out. We’ve never met the girl or her parents before.
Dh said the mum asked him in for tea but he declined. They chatted at the door. Her husband works abroad.
Dh works away from home down south, we are up north. He’s home at weekends.
After the play date she texted dh the usual thank yous.
She’s texted dh today and asked if whilst he’s down south if he could meet her brother and get a box of her things in his car to bring to our home so she can pick up.
Dh replied and said he was four hours away from her brother so won’t be able to do it.
She has since texted him again with approx distances from train stations etc.
I’ve told dh I don’t want a relationship with her, I’ve never met her and it was just to let the kids play. I don’t want her texting my dh for favours and have snapped at dh wanting to be the nice guy and help out, he thinks it’s funny but I’m not happy she’s texting my dh.

Aibu to tell him to stop replying to her?
I now feel uncomfortable arranging anything again.

OP posts:
NeverDropYourMoonCup · 15/07/2021 18:13

DP has an extremely vulnerable and needy friend who did almost the same in asking him when he was in a certain area to go way out of his way to pick something up that he would then have had to haul by hand across public transport, back here (including walking carrying it), then carrying to his friend's place, which is really difficult to get to, then the friend would inevitably ask him to come with him to travel to another ridiculously out of the way place to deliver it.

Not a woman, no (a gay man, as it happens), so there's no chance of impropriety (as DP is many things, but heterosexual is one of the foremost of them), but I still felt irritated that his friend tried in the course of several messages to try and persuade him. Fortunately, DP feels the same way and has got to the point of saying No to his friend occasionally and is beginning to arms' length the friend due to the clusterfuck that is his friend's life and his demands of others.

The point of this is YANBU to be annoyed that somebody's trying to take the piss and won't take a polite No for an answer. But your DP has dealt with it.

Perhaps you could suggest that he blocks her number to avoid any further requests getting through? Not 'You MUST block her', more 'It'll save you being pestered/her trying to take the piss again'?

DancesWithTortoises · 15/07/2021 18:14

Get a grip, OP. Total over reaction.

Ohanaa · 15/07/2021 18:14

She’s a CF.

My OH wouldn’t even reply to that kinda request. He would just say no sorry.

quizqueen · 15/07/2021 18:14

He probably thinks it's amusing that she keeps digging a hole for herself - looking at trains etc. and will just keep saying no. I'd want to know what was in the box too before I agreed to transport it even if it was convenient in the first place. She'll give up in the end.

maddening · 15/07/2021 18:14

I would reply to her with links to couriers

Bluntness100 · 15/07/2021 18:14

Yes, it was fine for her to ask, it is not fine for her to badger.

It’s not fine for the op to come over all jealous and insecure because some mum at school talked to her husband. That’s all on you op and your issue. It’s not ok to make it his.

The reality is if he’s going to cheat he’s going to do it when he’s away all week, and not with some mum at school. He’d hardly have the time.

HerMammy · 15/07/2021 18:15

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

onlyhereforthecake · 15/07/2021 18:16

Bluntness100

you are absolutely right, but that won't help the OP's insecurity!

Aquamarine1029 · 15/07/2021 18:16

Any reasonable person would have shut her down completely and blocked her by now. I think your husband may like the attention. Your issue isn't with her, it's with your husband.

onlyhereforthecake · 15/07/2021 18:17

@Aquamarine1029

Any reasonable person would have shut her down completely and blocked her by now. I think your husband may like the attention. Your issue isn't with her, it's with your husband.
stop projecting, you are just making stuff up frankly.
AnnaSW1 · 15/07/2021 18:17

But it sounds like you're husband is handling it perfectly well. I think you're overreacting

Notmoresugar · 15/07/2021 18:17

Block her on his phone.

WorraLiberty · 15/07/2021 18:17

@Mojitoqueen

Oh yes everyone who gets upset over something even if they are unreasonable, which I may be…is unhinged Hmm Stop throwing that term about it’s actually really nasty.

I am feeling a bit insecure that a woman is texting dh, he seems to find it funny and is keeping the conversation going, which is why I’m uncomfortable. A straight no that’s not suitable would be fine and that’s it there but she’s Google mapped train times etc and I feel he should have just ignored.
I’m not having her use my dh as her knight in shining armour. We don’t know her.

As much as she's a cheeky fucker...

Your insecurity is not your husband's problem, it's yours.

"I'm not having her use my DH as her knight in shining armour"

"I don't want her texting my DH for favours"

"AIBU to stop him replying to her?"

He's your husband, not your bloody lapdog.

Stop being so controlling and let him deal with this as an adult.

onlyhereforthecake · 15/07/2021 18:18

@Notmoresugar

Block her on his phone.
so you are happy for your husband to block male contacts on YOUR phone? Really?!
Runmybathforme · 15/07/2021 18:18

You sound a bit jealous, little bit controlling. I wonder what the response would have been if the OP were male .
He’s an adult, why are you so annoyed ? Let him handle it.

CrouchEndTiger12 · 15/07/2021 18:18

@Aquamarine1029

Any reasonable person would have shut her down completely and blocked her by now. I think your husband may like the attention. Your issue isn't with her, it's with your husband.
You would block the mother of a child who is friends with your daughter?

Jeez. He said no. He's a grown man. You wonder why there are so many feckless men on being talked about when their wives infantilise them.

OlympicProcrastinator · 15/07/2021 18:19

onlyhereforthecake

The woman is being cheeky. The DH is entertaining it. The OP is feeling a bit insecure and unhappy about it. A lot of women would. That doesn’t make her, controlling, unhinged, a nightmare, batshit or any other nasty shit people on here want to call her.

girlmom21 · 15/07/2021 18:20

Have you told him that it's making you uncomfortable because she's a woman you know nothing about who he's getting involved in conversations about all of his plans with?

If you tell him bluntly why you're actually upset he might respond differently to her and actually shut her down so that you're not upset. If it's not normally in his nature he might not even realise why you're actually bothered.

Umbra · 15/07/2021 18:20

I see the cool wives have arrived.

girlmom21 · 15/07/2021 18:20

Did I say actually enough times?

Nayday · 15/07/2021 18:21

She's being a CF yes but your reaction is a bit territorial and seems to be related to her making a play for him rather than CF-ery. e.g getting angry with him, and telling him off for replying in a certain way. If my husband did that to me over this situation I'd find it a bit weird and controlling - like 'thanks but I can sort the CF out myself thanks, I don't need you looking over my shoulder'. Even if that person was badgering me, as a grown up I can ask him myself if I needed help (unlikely given the situation, just needs firm no).

Is there a back story here e.g DH has form for playing away?

WorraLiberty · 15/07/2021 18:21

@OlympicProcrastinator

onlyhereforthecake

The woman is being cheeky. The DH is entertaining it. The OP is feeling a bit insecure and unhappy about it. A lot of women would. That doesn’t make her, controlling, unhinged, a nightmare, batshit or any other nasty shit people on here want to call her.

She does certainly come across as controlling

And her insecurity doesn't make that ok

FineWineTime · 15/07/2021 18:21

@Umbra

I see the cool wives have arrived.
?
coffeerose · 15/07/2021 18:22

@Umbra

I see the cool wives have arrived.
Ooooh, who are they?
WorraLiberty · 15/07/2021 18:22

@girlmom21

Did I say actually enough times?
Actually you did, yes Wink
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