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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Cheeky fucker texting my dh

437 replies

Mojitoqueen · 15/07/2021 17:46

Dd has a friend at school. I arranged a play date for her and her friend. Turned out I was working so dh picked up the girls and took them out. We’ve never met the girl or her parents before.
Dh said the mum asked him in for tea but he declined. They chatted at the door. Her husband works abroad.
Dh works away from home down south, we are up north. He’s home at weekends.
After the play date she texted dh the usual thank yous.
She’s texted dh today and asked if whilst he’s down south if he could meet her brother and get a box of her things in his car to bring to our home so she can pick up.
Dh replied and said he was four hours away from her brother so won’t be able to do it.
She has since texted him again with approx distances from train stations etc.
I’ve told dh I don’t want a relationship with her, I’ve never met her and it was just to let the kids play. I don’t want her texting my dh for favours and have snapped at dh wanting to be the nice guy and help out, he thinks it’s funny but I’m not happy she’s texting my dh.

Aibu to tell him to stop replying to her?
I now feel uncomfortable arranging anything again.

OP posts:
PrettyLittleFlies · 15/07/2021 23:15

@Taliskerskye

the old mumsnet adage You have a DH problem Not a CF problem
She really doesn't. She is her own problem.
mumzword · 15/07/2021 23:17

I think you've every right to be pissed off. Some people act entitled and she's one of them. She sounds the sort that you give her and inch and she takes a mile. I would let it drop but give her a very wide berth after this .

sammylady37 · 15/07/2021 23:22

I'd not be happy if my dh was texting with other mum - he has no business doing so unless we hang out as double date / couples meet up

Eh? So your DH isn’t allowed have female friends? Is he allowed work in a place where he has female colleagues? If so, does he have to avert his eyes when in their presence?

LifeinPieces21 · 15/07/2021 23:26

@Higgeldypiggeldy35

I'm just laughing out loud at her thinking that because your husband works 'down south' that it must be near her box of stuff. It's like when you go abroad and folks ask where you're from and you say 'London' and they say 'oh I have a cousin in London called Bob, do you know him?!' It's very cheeky of her to ask and even more cheeky to follow it up with the text about trains. She has head of couriers surely 😂
Grin

If she is not that clever then it is sad but if she has a normal IQ??????

PurpleRainDancer · 15/07/2021 23:53

@Mojitoqueen

There is no need for a rude, narky response
I take it you're new to Mumsnet Grin
beautifullymad · 16/07/2021 01:06

I think she's like a lot of people and just clueless with geography. I once had a school mum I barely knew ask me to pop by on my way and collect her son as she was tied up. The fact she lived half an hour in the opposite direction completely missed her. It was a full hour round trip to accommodate this request had I done so. I didn't.

She's being very cheeky but I'm guessing your husband is quite enjoying the absurdity of it all.

cherish123 · 16/07/2021 01:10

She's being cheeky asking as he is 4 hrs from brother. Sounds as though she quite likes the contact and is lonely.

NeonDreams · 16/07/2021 01:30

@beautifullymad

I think she's like a lot of people and just clueless with geography. I once had a school mum I barely knew ask me to pop by on my way and collect her son as she was tied up. The fact she lived half an hour in the opposite direction completely missed her. It was a full hour round trip to accommodate this request had I done so. I didn't.

She's being very cheeky but I'm guessing your husband is quite enjoying the absurdity of it all.

@beautifullymad Was she a non-driver by any chance?
SD1978 · 16/07/2021 01:34

You're being a bit daft. She asked if he could pick some stuff up, because probably the postage would be unmanageable and he works down there somewhere. He said no. She's hardly sent him nudes and asked him to give her a seeing to. Is there a reason you have so little trust in a husband that's told you the conversation? You sound slightly unhinged to be this bothered over a few texts.

Mamanyt · 16/07/2021 01:38

Don't blame you. She's assuming a whole lot on one casual meeting, and I'd not want my husband running her "little errands" either. IF she were my best friend, and lived very close, that might be different...or it might not.

timeisnotaline · 16/07/2021 01:40

It’s totally weird. I’d think of half a dozen errands I could request my dh to do that only took him an 8 hours round trip out of his way and ask him to do them over the next couple of weeks Grin. Think of it as helping him practice his no as I think he’d find it very easy!

Glitterbunny1 · 16/07/2021 01:55

She's out of line. Stop trying to justify yourself to these people who seem to think it's ok for a stranger to keep texting your hubby and asking for favours Confused I can imagine most women wouldn't want that happening with their husbands. I'd be pissed off too! Next play date, make sure you go and introduce yourself. Give her your phone number. There should be no reason for her to text your husband after that. Your husband should consider your feeling also.

Mothership4two · 16/07/2021 03:09

We may all have our insecurities, but I wouldn't want others pandering to mine if I wasn't being reasonable. My take on it is that the OP is unhappy with how her DH is handling the situation and wants him to handle it her way and has asked if she should step in. Not particularly reasonable IMO. He just sounds like a nice guy.

I find it sad the posters on here who would not be happy with women communicating with their DPs. My DH has female contacts on his phone, friends, women who he meets up to dog walk with, school contacts and those through his sports coaching and many others basically because he is a social type of person. It's not something I have ever thought twice about and I am not remotely "cool" (sadly).

Mothership4two · 16/07/2021 03:11

But yes "friend" is being rude and pushy

Mothership4two · 16/07/2021 03:31

Stop trying to justify yourself to these people who seem to think it's ok for a stranger to keep texting your hubby and asking for favours

Don't remember anyone posting that this behaviour is OK, majority seem to think she is rude/weird. She's a school mum not a complete stranger, as far as we know she has texted him (and he has replied) twice and she is asking for A favour. What many posters have disagreed with is the OP wanting to step in and control his handling of it/her and not that this situation is OK. He seems to have done all right.

Kylee300 · 16/07/2021 03:42

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ for privacy reasons.

Lullaby88 · 16/07/2021 04:42

Aw OP yes i get it. U dont want a strange woman texting your husband! She might have an ulterior motive is what you are thinkin? U feel out of th loop? If you knew her itd b different. Its fine to feel like this. But the reality is shes only text to ask for something ud ask a mate husand has just responded. Its not that bad even tho u feel it is.

mathanxiety · 16/07/2021 04:50

Are you pissed off that your H seems to be having a little laugh playing women against each other?

If yes, there's a quick and easy way to stop that game.

Don't engage.

toocold54 · 16/07/2021 06:28

Regardless of whether she is a CF or not what is most apparent is how insecure you feel about this women texting him. But what’s even more odd is that he works in a completely different city all week which you are ok about (and should be) but don’t trust a female that you’ve never met texting him something completely harmless.
There must be more to this as it doesn’t make sense.

girlmom21 · 16/07/2021 06:41

So if he's now admitted he wouldn't like it if the shoe was on the other foot, has he now put a definitive end to the conversation?

MsDogLady · 16/07/2021 07:49

Your feelings are valid, Mojitoqueen.

After the doorstep friendliness, this woman felt entitled to be overfamiliar, intrusive and insistent with your H. Instead of drawing a line under her inappropriate behavior and leaving it, he opted to further engage with her, even informing her of his upcoming schedule. He seemed to be energized by her attention and your discomfort.

It is troubling that he got a kick out of provoking you, even if he did eventually admit that he wouldn’t like a reversed situation.

cooldarkroom · 16/07/2021 08:14

Ask him to tell her to either go by train & collect her own parcel, or pay a courrier because he wont be doing it, then block her.

JollyAndBright · 16/07/2021 08:20

I agree with other posters that it’s not the school mums fault you don’t trust your husband.
You sound incredibly controlling and jealous.

My DP has female friends, I couldn’t care less if my DP made friends with a school mum or do d favours for her…. But that’s because I know I can trust him 100% and I know he would never do anything to betray my trust.

Charley50 · 16/07/2021 08:27

@JollyAndBright

I agree with other posters that it’s not the school mums fault you don’t trust your husband. You sound incredibly controlling and jealous.

My DP has female friends, I couldn’t care less if my DP made friends with a school mum or do d favours for her…. But that’s because I know I can trust him 100% and I know he would never do anything to betray my trust.

That's great for you, but you can't know that for sure. No-one can.
MondeoFan · 16/07/2021 08:27

Why are you saying you don't want a relationship with the woman it was only for the kids blah blah.
You seem incredibly angry about someone you never met.

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