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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Cheeky fucker texting my dh

437 replies

Mojitoqueen · 15/07/2021 17:46

Dd has a friend at school. I arranged a play date for her and her friend. Turned out I was working so dh picked up the girls and took them out. We’ve never met the girl or her parents before.
Dh said the mum asked him in for tea but he declined. They chatted at the door. Her husband works abroad.
Dh works away from home down south, we are up north. He’s home at weekends.
After the play date she texted dh the usual thank yous.
She’s texted dh today and asked if whilst he’s down south if he could meet her brother and get a box of her things in his car to bring to our home so she can pick up.
Dh replied and said he was four hours away from her brother so won’t be able to do it.
She has since texted him again with approx distances from train stations etc.
I’ve told dh I don’t want a relationship with her, I’ve never met her and it was just to let the kids play. I don’t want her texting my dh for favours and have snapped at dh wanting to be the nice guy and help out, he thinks it’s funny but I’m not happy she’s texting my dh.

Aibu to tell him to stop replying to her?
I now feel uncomfortable arranging anything again.

OP posts:
dottymac · 15/07/2021 20:37

I have encountered so many people like this - 'can you drive 10 miles to me to collect my phone and take it to the Apple store to get it fixed because I'm busy', 'can you take my teenage child to an appointment because you have time as youre a sahm and I have to work so can't possibly do it', 'can you drive 45 minutes round trip to collect some things from me and then deliver them elsewhere for me afterwards'. The list goes on if I keep thinking of the cheek of some friends/family. I help people out alot but sometimes they just rip the pI££ out of you. At that point I walk away - find another skivvy.

Hillaria · 15/07/2021 20:37

Final (for the moment) comment from me.

Nobody is 100% trustworthy.

It doesn't take much for the tectonic plates in a relationship to slip, very slightly, for someone who's apparently 100% trustworthy to turn out not to be.

DroopyClematis · 15/07/2021 20:39

She's a CF and your husband knows it. He's declined and he's being polite.
Why are you so angry?
Can't you just side with him and giggle about it. If your relationship is sound then you have no need to worry.

whatausername · 15/07/2021 20:39

Has your DH cheated before? You're being very weird about a woman texting him. Or do you think all women are Jezebels and temptresses?

GreyhoundG1rl · 15/07/2021 20:41

Nobody is 100% trustworthy.
Well, this is true. But who wants to live their life expecting disaster at every turn?

whatausername · 15/07/2021 20:41

You need to sort out your insecurities because nobody wants the anger and controlling that goes along with them. If the genders of you all were reversed we'd be shouting "red flag".

LimeRedBanana · 15/07/2021 20:42

@Hillaria

Final (for the moment) comment from me.

Nobody is 100% trustworthy.

It doesn't take much for the tectonic plates in a relationship to slip, very slightly, for someone who's apparently 100% trustworthy to turn out not to be.

Well, that’s really going to help the OP feel better. Confused
Cooldryplace · 15/07/2021 20:44

@Mrstamborineman

Only on mn do cool mums congregate and not bat an eye at their dh’s befriending random women.
But he's not befriending her.
Lordamighty · 15/07/2021 20:44

I don’t know why you are getting a hard time on here OP, just take a look at the voting, most people agree with you.
Like you, I wouldn’t be happy either. You hardly know the woman & she’s texting your DH asking for favours.
It’s not your insecurities calling, it’s your spidey senses alerting you to a CF in your vicinity.

MilesOfSand · 15/07/2021 20:53

The world (AND MUMSNET) is full of women saying ‘I never thought my husband would do that.’ It’s also full of messages telling women we’re valued by our looks. So if you’re able to maintain 100% trust in this environment, then congratulations (but make sure you’re also financially independent, you know, just in case). But for those people who have pesky insecurities and doubts, then I get it. It’s hard sometimes.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 15/07/2021 20:54

@Bluntness100

Also think about it op, if you trust him, why does it matter if you don’t trust women round him? As long as you trust he won’t go there, then you’ve nothin to worry about. 💐
This is so true - try to remember this @Mojitoqueen
Blossomtoes · 15/07/2021 20:58

@MilesOfSand

The world (AND MUMSNET) is full of women saying ‘I never thought my husband would do that.’ It’s also full of messages telling women we’re valued by our looks. So if you’re able to maintain 100% trust in this environment, then congratulations (but make sure you’re also financially independent, you know, just in case). But for those people who have pesky insecurities and doubts, then I get it. It’s hard sometimes.
Perhaps some women are valued only for their looks. They’d have to be impossibly beautiful and spectacularly vapid for that to be the case. And who’d want to be with a man who was as shallow as that? What happens when those extraordinary looks fade?
toocold54 · 15/07/2021 21:00

It doesn't take much for the tectonic plates in a relationship to slip, very slightly, for someone who's apparently 100% trustworthy to turn out not to be

Shall we all just lock our partners away incase someone from the opposite sex talks or looks at them?

Even if this women has an ulterior motive (it doesn’t sound like it yet) then surely that is up to her DH to sort out.
I don’t understand PPs saying to nip it in the bud - if DH wants to talk to someone then he can do.
If he is going to cheat then he’s going to cheat you can’t stop people from having friends because of your insecurities.
If he does cheat I very much doubt it will be with his child’s friends parent and he wouldn’t be showing OP all of the messages.

Friday999 · 15/07/2021 21:05

it doesn't take much for the tectonic plates in a relationship to slip, very slightly, for someone who's apparently 100% trustworthy to turn out not to be

Sadly this is true. Speaking as someone whose first marriage went down to the pan due to tectonic plate slippage

juice92 · 15/07/2021 21:09

Asking him at first maybe wasn't too cheeky, she might not have realised where your husband worked down south or the distance between the two places, her then coming back with train station and stuff was when she reached full cf status. Your DH said no, which was totally the right thing to do.

In terms of your Husband being polite to her and having a friendly conversation, I don't see the issue. You might not want to have anything to do with her but that doesn't mean he has to feel the same and also your things could be a bit awkward if your DC needs dropping off/picking up again if he is rude to her.

Jenasaurus · 15/07/2021 21:10

I came on here to offer support to the OP, she is obviously upset by this whatever the rights and wrongs, this is how its making her feel and her DH is rubbing her nose in it by showing her the messages and laughing about it. I can understand why she would feel upset, I think the OW is being a CF but I also think your DH is playing you when you have made it clear it annoys you, he could have just said no to her and then not told you anymore.

KirstenBlest · 15/07/2021 21:10

I trusted my ex completely. Of course it's ok for a man and a woman to be good friends.

She did me a huge favour.

ElderButtFuckinNaked · 15/07/2021 21:13

She's a CF asking him to be a courier for her, but you sound like a very disproportionately angry and paranoid person.

Are you having any therapy for these issues?

Higgeldypiggeldy35 · 15/07/2021 21:16

I'm just laughing out loud at her thinking that because your husband works 'down south' that it must be near her box of stuff. It's like when you go abroad and folks ask where you're from and you say 'London' and they say 'oh I have a cousin in London called Bob, do you know him?!'
It's very cheeky of her to ask and even more cheeky to follow it up with the text about trains. She has head of couriers surely 😂

seashells11 · 15/07/2021 21:16

Yanbu. Why people think you shouldn't be annoyed is strange. You said your dh keeps the conversation going and keeps justifying why he can't do it. I'd be annoyed. She's a CF, your dh needs to ignore her, not encourage her cheekiness.

Higgeldypiggeldy35 · 15/07/2021 21:16

*heard

Actupfishy · 15/07/2021 21:18

You’re not being unreasonable and you don’t sound ‘unhinged’ I’d be annoyed if he was trying to keep the conversation going too x

frigglerock · 15/07/2021 21:24

Even though I trust my husband, I'd be very unhappy if some random woman tried to latch onto him, suddenly started texting him repeatedly, turn him into her errand boy, even if it was posited as "just friends". It's disrespectful, and however much you trust your husband, you also know that people make mistakes and selfish choices. It happens all the time! I expect my husband to avoid temptation and awkward situations, and I do the same.

I'd also be very unhappy if he saw I was distressed but still continued texting another woman, apparently enjoying the attention or possibly getting a laugh or ego-boost over my stress, jealousy, or unhappiness.

dontdillydallyonthewayoldchum · 15/07/2021 21:25

I would be super pissed about this too.

If it were me I wouldn't hesitate to text her myself and say

'Stop asking my husband to run errands for you. If you need something picking up sort it out yourself.'

SafeMove · 15/07/2021 21:28

Well, with your updates things are less black and white. It is weird that she asked - do you think she is fishing? I still don't understand the train thing. Do you think she is fishing to communicate with him?

Does your DH know you are insecure? If he does it also weird that he is sending you the messages, because unless he is cognitively challenged he knows this will set off your insecurities? It is very strange all round. No wonder you are unsettled OP.