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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Cheeky fucker texting my dh

437 replies

Mojitoqueen · 15/07/2021 17:46

Dd has a friend at school. I arranged a play date for her and her friend. Turned out I was working so dh picked up the girls and took them out. We’ve never met the girl or her parents before.
Dh said the mum asked him in for tea but he declined. They chatted at the door. Her husband works abroad.
Dh works away from home down south, we are up north. He’s home at weekends.
After the play date she texted dh the usual thank yous.
She’s texted dh today and asked if whilst he’s down south if he could meet her brother and get a box of her things in his car to bring to our home so she can pick up.
Dh replied and said he was four hours away from her brother so won’t be able to do it.
She has since texted him again with approx distances from train stations etc.
I’ve told dh I don’t want a relationship with her, I’ve never met her and it was just to let the kids play. I don’t want her texting my dh for favours and have snapped at dh wanting to be the nice guy and help out, he thinks it’s funny but I’m not happy she’s texting my dh.

Aibu to tell him to stop replying to her?
I now feel uncomfortable arranging anything again.

OP posts:
Dominikaa · 15/07/2021 21:30

It all starts with a conversation and a favour to ask...She has her own hubby why does not not ask him for help? And if he is not available then get Post Office involved.

You made your feelings clear and I'd do same, I'd not be happy if my dh was texting with other mum - he has no business doing so unless we hang out as double date / couples meet up.

Texting and favours first, then perhaps a coffee that turns into a cheeky drink...I think I've heard that scenario before.

I'd be alerted too.

Bahhhhhumbug · 15/07/2021 21:30

I don't get about the train timetables. Does your DH travel by train or drive to work? If its the latter and she doesn't drive, its surprising how some.non drivers can really think popping here and there is no big deal. I regulatly drive down south and was once asked, (by a non driver) to take something which was a 100 miles or so off my route. Quite taken aback when l said no. Not all non drivers obv. but some really think its no big deal and you are just being mean.

Nocutenamesleft · 15/07/2021 21:32

@Mojitoqueen

I do trust him actually and I know he would never cross the line. It’s her I don’t trust and I don’t want her calling my dh up for favours. He’s a nice guy who would help anyone so I could see how he could agree to help. I am insecure about opening that can of worms, next it will be diy and all sorts of things. I certainly don’t want a friendship with her, and dh has known her two mins at the door, so you can’t call that a friendship. If it makes me uncomfortable then dh will respect that. He would feel the same.
I actually recently had this with a friend

We’d hire their services. However they charged us twice. They spoke to my husband. Who is the most generous person I know. He agreed to it. However it left a really nasty taste in my mouth. I felt they’d taken advantage of him because they know he’d agree to it.

I’ve since blocked her. My good friend. It was a mistake they made. Not me. I would t dare do that to a friend. So don’t expect it to happen to me or my husband.

I feel you. Though jealous wise I don’t get it. But I do get what else you’re saying.

Nocutenamesleft · 15/07/2021 21:35

@Hillaria

  • @Bluntness100, you may be blunt, but try to be kind, too.

OP has said she is sometimes insecure. She's not the only one by a million light years (despite how it might appear on MN).

Being insecure and not trusting someone else are not the same thing.

If we ignore the 'relationship' aspect of this, for a minute: a good, kind, thoughtful friend doesn't do things that make another friend feel crap. They might think the friend is mad for feeling crap, but they don't do it - because friendship is not based on "I know this will upset you, but I'm going to do it anyway". It's based on give and take.

Relationships should be this, but magnified.

It doesn't matter why the OP is bothered by it. The fact is, she is bothered by it, and her husband needs to stop fannying around and remember that his loyalty is to her, not to some woman he has met once*

You hit the NAIL on the head. Absolutely

Thekindofwindowsfaceslookinat · 15/07/2021 21:36

the old mumsnet adage
You have a DH problem
Not a CF problem

Confused what did the DH do wrong exactly? Why is he a 'problem?'

BlankTimes · 15/07/2021 21:36

I'd wonder what was in the parcel that it hasn't already been couriered to her. She seems pretty insistent it should be delivered by a mule a stranger.

But I watch too many crime dramas. Blush

OP, I agree, her behaviour would set my spidey senses tingling.

Dominikaa · 15/07/2021 21:37

and all these mammas who tells you you're controlling...they probably on the look out themselves while hubby is away working thats why they dont see anything wrong in this type of behaviour.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 15/07/2021 21:38

@Dominikaa

and all these mammas who tells you you're controlling...they probably on the look out themselves while hubby is away working thats why they dont see anything wrong in this type of behaviour.
Do you really think that's true? Good grief.
youvegottenminuteslynn · 15/07/2021 21:39

@Dominikaa

and all these mammas who tells you you're controlling...they probably on the look out themselves while hubby is away working thats why they dont see anything wrong in this type of behaviour.
And not everyone on here is a 'mamma' by the way!
Lennon80 · 15/07/2021 21:41

She shouldn’t be texting him about anything other than your kid and arrangements - I’d also be mega pissed off - YANBU

GreyhoundG1rl · 15/07/2021 21:42

Mammas 😂

toocold54 · 15/07/2021 21:44

and all these mammas who tells you you're controlling...they probably on the look out themselves while hubby is away working thats why they dont see anything wrong in this type of behaviour.

In what way has this women given off any indication she’s on the lookout?

She may be a CF but OP has said nothing about the texts being flirtatious or anything and if you think a women can’t text a man without trying to get him into bed then that says more about you, as most of us don’t think like that.

GreyhoundG1rl · 15/07/2021 21:44

Texting and favours first, then perhaps a coffee that turns into a cheeky drink...I think I've heard that scenario before.
Such paranoia... What a way to live.

EmergencyHydrangea · 15/07/2021 21:44

@Dominikaa

and all these mammas who tells you you're controlling...they probably on the look out themselves while hubby is away working thats why they dont see anything wrong in this type of behaviour.
WTF?

Or maybe we trust our partners and they trust us.

Ourlady · 15/07/2021 21:45

She is a CF asking him to fetch for her.
He is a pain in the arse keeping on texting her and it's not funny at all. He must be enjoying the attention. I would be telling him to block her.
You are not over reacting.

hyperbole001 · 15/07/2021 21:54

@HerMammy

Somebody sounds very jealous and possessive, is your DH not allowed to speak to her because she’s female? You probably wouldn’t be acting like a twat if it was a man would you? Calm yourself down.
What a nasty comment
EarthSight · 15/07/2021 21:56

If she wants her stuff, it's up to her brother to make sure he drives all the way to your husband's exact location, at your husband's convenience and time. He can then pass the box over, job done, no more.

I don’t want her texting my dh for favours

The correct response to such blatantly cheeky, dumb requests in future should always be 'LOL no'.

Seems like there's more to this. Do you think that your husband is deliberately trying to be the 'nice guy' because he enjoys seeing how wound up and jealous you get? He does find it funny after all. Not great sign of respect, is it?

Anyusernameleft · 15/07/2021 22:20

He said No...she is a CF asking again. He is trying to be polite & explain it doesn't suit. Otherwise how is he keeping the conversation going? You are attributing a knight in shining armour fantady to this woman that you don't know & wanting your DH to be rude & ignore her. I dare say if she pushes harder he'll get sick of her & do just that. But he probably doesn't need you telling him what to do/say. I get it, you are insecure or jealous or both but show him you trust him instead of causing a problem with him. And if you've decided you don't like the CF after this then steet clear. But maybe kids like each other so I suppose there is that too...so think before you cut them off.

onlyhereforthecake · 15/07/2021 22:26

@Dominikaa

and all these mammas who tells you you're controlling...they probably on the look out themselves while hubby is away working thats why they dont see anything wrong in this type of behaviour.
"mammas"? 😂 😂

You got us, we mammas from down South are on it during the week and keeping company to men left alone 😂

WorraLiberty · 15/07/2021 22:43

@Dominikaa

and all these mammas who tells you you're controlling...they probably on the look out themselves while hubby is away working thats why they dont see anything wrong in this type of behaviour.
🤣🤣🤣
Hillaria · 15/07/2021 22:44

@LimeRedBanana

I am sorry if anything I said could have made the OP feel worse. That is the very last thing I would want to do.

I am probably a lot older than most people posting on here now, so am looking at this through a long lens and, perhaps, a slightly different perspective.

If you have a basically good relationship, and you have children, then you are a dick if you don't do everything you can to keep it on the rails. This, for me, would mean not getting involving in online conversations with random school mums who suddenly start trying to persuade your husband to do them favours. The only possible solution to this is a polite "sorry, but no", and then to shut it down. Anything else is game-playing bollocks, and has no place in a relationship.

(And I speak as someone who did not have a perfect relationship, and who regrets many things).

DillonPanthersTexas · 15/07/2021 22:58

As someone else has pointed out, if this women really had serious designs on the OPs husband then sending him on an 8 hour round trip to collect a package is an odd way to go about it. I thought the 'damsel in distress' gambit usually involved getting the bloke around to her home numerous times to carry out various DIY tasks so she can have a good flirt. Unless of course it's a cunning plan where she has arranged to be in said box and climbs out of it to spend the long journey home with him.

user1481840227 · 15/07/2021 23:06

@Mojitoqueen

I do trust him actually and I know he would never cross the line. It’s her I don’t trust and I don’t want her calling my dh up for favours. He’s a nice guy who would help anyone so I could see how he could agree to help. I am insecure about opening that can of worms, next it will be diy and all sorts of things. I certainly don’t want a friendship with her, and dh has known her two mins at the door, so you can’t call that a friendship. If it makes me uncomfortable then dh will respect that. He would feel the same.
But if your dh would stop engaging with her there would be no issue. You could just think hmm that was a bit cheeky and then move on...by the sounds of it he's goading you and loving your reaction.

What difference does it make if you don't trust her if you do trust him?
She can't force him to do anything. She's not forcing him to text back and goad you either. He's doing that himself.

You also said if it makes you uncomfortable then he'll respect that, it doesn't sound like he's respecting that at all!!!!

TeddingtonTrashbag · 15/07/2021 23:07

@DillonPanthersTexas

As someone else has pointed out, if this women really had serious designs on the OPs husband then sending him on an 8 hour round trip to collect a package is an odd way to go about it. I thought the 'damsel in distress' gambit usually involved getting the bloke around to her home numerous times to carry out various DIY tasks so she can have a good flirt. Unless of course it's a cunning plan where she has arranged to be in said box and climbs out of it to spend the long journey home with him.
GrinGrinGrin
GreyhoundG1rl · 15/07/2021 23:08

@DillonPanthersTexas

As someone else has pointed out, if this women really had serious designs on the OPs husband then sending him on an 8 hour round trip to collect a package is an odd way to go about it. I thought the 'damsel in distress' gambit usually involved getting the bloke around to her home numerous times to carry out various DIY tasks so she can have a good flirt. Unless of course it's a cunning plan where she has arranged to be in said box and climbs out of it to spend the long journey home with him.
😂