Exes and DSC

[Saveit]

Following several threads on here about first wives, step children and the tsunamis of hate towards step mums, anyone else want to raise their hands with me and say that factoring in DSC, exes and the often ridiculous demands is bloody hard work?!

How dare we have more children with a man who’s obviously fucked over his first family and clearly isn’t fit to be a father! How selfish of us to sometimes not want to dance to the monotonous tune that the ex continually bangs. How evil to want to fight for the needs of our children, when surely this is all that the ex is wanting?

Before I get shot down, I don’t display these feelings in any way to DSC and they are made to feel most welcome in their home. I enjoy spending time with them and they get on really well with their half siblings. They have a great relationship with their dad too. However, we are allowed to secretly not want to play happy families every breathing moment and want some space from it all from time to time (like the time I was in early stages of labour and the ex kicked off because the weekend with the DSC had to be swapped. ‘But surely you’d want them there to share such a special time like childbirth. They’re old enough to experience such a special time…’ )

What's very unusual is your weird fucking obsession with trying to make people out to be liars? You're just embarrassing yourself now.

You're trying to show that oh now exs aren't bitter can't possibly be true but you're just making yourself look like something you're trying to pretend doesn't exist.

@Uramaki

If people don't want their kids to have a step parent they shouldn't take that into account when thinking about divorce. If they've decided divorce is still the right thing then they just have to put up with a step parent if they come along and try to be civil.

It's funny isn't it how you'd be slated for saying to a first wife "you should have thought about the possibility of a stepmum entering their lives before you divorced him". But of course, on here, you can say to a stepmum "you should have thought about the fact he has kids before me you married him". Hmmm. OK! 🙄

What is your fucking problem? Seriously?
Pardon me for not believing you get the full story of a relationship that led to children from a few minutes shouting rant from an upset ex telling you that you ruined her life!

I think this proves my point. That many SMs assume they know the whole unbiased story, of what happened between their partner and ex over years when they really don't. They know bits of it, they select what suits them to hear and believe, and they rewrite history.

It goes both ways too. Some exes seem much over invested in the life of their ex and partner, and will use anything their hear from the kids to draw conclusion about their SM and turn these into facts.

You're trying to show that oh now exs aren't bitter can't possibly be true but you're just making yourself look like something you're trying to pretend doesn't exist
You are totally extrapolating what I've said. There are many bitter exes, I'm not disputing this at all. What I am disputing is the supposed breath of knowledge that new partner have of their partner's previous relationship with their ex that can lead then to categorically claim that their partner are totally blameless in their conflict with the ex and that the ex is fully responsible for all their disaccord.

What I am saying is that it is very rarely all black or white and that in almost all cases, there are some wrongs on both sides.

It's funny isn't it how you'd be slated for saying to a first wife "you should have thought about the possibility of a stepmum entering their lives before you divorced him"
As per my previous post, there are circumstances when I think this would be very appropriate to point out, it wouldn't in others.

@vivainsomnia

What is your fucking problem? Seriously? Pardon me for not believing you get the full story of a relationship that led to children from a few minutes shouting rant from an upset ex telling you that you ruined her life!

I think this proves my point. That many SMs assume they know the whole unbiased story, of what happened between their partner and ex over years when they really don't. They know bits of it, they select what suits them to hear and believe, and they rewrite history.

It goes both ways too. Some exes seem much over invested in the life of their ex and partner, and will use anything their hear from the kids to draw conclusion about their SM and turn these into facts.

Well you can not believe me all you want but it happened.

All you've proved are that bitter exs are a real thing and here they are on Mumsnet.

If people don't want their kids to have a step parent they shouldn't take that into account when thinking about divorce. If they've decided divorce is still the right thing then they just have to put up with a step parent if they come along and try to be civil

Because that’s how it works, yes? My ex divorced me because he no longer wanted to be with me. He served me divorce papers as he was walking out the door. Literally. He had an OW lined up, of course. I didn’t get a choice in her being my children’s step parent. She was pretty disgusting but that’s a theme with my ex.

@willyoujustbequiet Sorry but no. No woman helps break up a family.

The husband does that solely by himself. His family is his responsibility and his alone.

And to the other posters saying that no woman should get involved with a man who broke up his first family, does that apply to women too?

It certainly doesn't seem to be the case on here.

I knew someone that said her SC ruined her wedding just by being there. Also that she wouldn't be upset if they died in a car crash. They were under 10. I never understood anyone could think like that. She was sweetness and light to them at first.

@Uramaki

If people don't want their kids to have a step parent they shouldn't take that into account when thinking about divorce. If they've decided divorce is still the right thing then they just have to put up with a step parent if they come along and try to be civil.

My ex was removed from the family home for child abuse i was given a very clear choice him or my children obviously I chose my children but the cps failed to prosecute him and failed to prosecute him again after he was arrested for rape failed again when he racially abused someone and the list goes on children's services can/will do nothing until he is prosecuted for something

His fiance believes we are all a bunch of psycho liars and is probably one of the "step mums" here claiming im demented im blocking contact he pays above and beyond what he should

NONE of this is true

Theunamedcat ok fair point, if the stepmum is actually evil don't be civil.

@Uramaki

Theunamedcat ok fair point, if the stepmum is actually evil don't be civil.

She probably isn't the point is he is and she is gullible enough to believe him that everyone lies about him because he has such a good heart dont get me wrong once upon a time I believed some of what he said but he has been arrested so many times since then for so many offences im thinking how exactly can he hide this? He told his last fiance i coerced a child into making reports against him but I found out after we split he had two prior arrests same kind of thing I literally didn't know about any of it

People should always remember there is more than one side to a story and not be so quick to judge "bitter exes"

People should always remember there is more than one side to a story and not be so quick to judge "bitter exes"

Of course, in the same way people shouldn't be so quick to judge step mum's.

@Justcallmebebes Spot on!

@Getyourarseofffthequattro

People should always remember there is more than one side to a story and not be so quick to judge "bitter exes"

Of course, in the same way people shouldn't be so quick to judge step mum's.

I almost commented exactly this!