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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH says I was unreasonable to let him in

241 replies

PonyPals · 14/07/2021 10:43

I am working from home at the moment and have been receiving deliveries. The delivery guy (have seen him 3 times before) asked to use the toilet when he dropped off a package last week. I let him... DH said I should not have done that but how could I say no.
Well today, the same delivery driver asked if I could give him some biscuits. I was taken aback but ended up giving him a packet. DH thinks I'm a sucker and the delivery driver will become a CF.
But I don't know... AIBU?
I do admit, it was a weird request but then I thought what if he is diabetic and needed to eat but at the same time if you were diabetic surely you would be prepared???

OP posts:
DragonDoor · 15/07/2021 02:05

Toilet- yes I would

Biscuits? I would have thought the same as you- possible diabetes.

If only you had asked then you would have found out if he was chancing his arm, or in need. Hindsight is a great thing!

melj1213 · 15/07/2021 03:38

Toilet - in my old house I would have had no problem letting someone else to use the loo especially as we had the bathroom downstairs and it was was totally residential area with the nearest public toilets (or even a pub/cafe etc) a good 10 minutes away but now I live literally a 30 second walk round the corner from our local theatre which also houses the tourist information office, a cafe, community spaces as well as public toilets so if it is during the day I would direct them there.

Biscuits- unless it was followed up with a good reason why (eg medical) any requests for food would be refused since I literally live in town and there are a plethora of shops where he could pick up a whole pack of biscuits for less than £1. If it was a request to refill a water bottle/flask then I would be happy to do that as it costs nothing, especially in the current warm weather.

Original poster
PonyPals · 15/07/2021 04:04

Just to answer some questions:

He didn't give a reason for the biscuits request. He just said "can I have some biscuits"

He didn't appear to look unwell and I'm not sure if he was trying to flirt with me 🤷‍♀️

The packet of biscuits were Tim tams (DHs favourite so could be why he was annoyed with me Grin)

I agree that the delivery driver probably wouldn't have asked DH so sees me as a soft touch.

I have a delivery coming next week. Shall see if he asks for anything else and this time I am prepared with a NO

You have all scared some sense into me. Thank you!

OP posts:
Tendonsandjoints · 15/07/2021 04:05

He could be entirely innocent (and hungry!) but op did you leave the front door open when you went to get the biscuits? I would be checking my keys, window locks, garage doors in case he used the opportunity to open a latch or undo a bolt in order to burgle your house when you are out later on. Either that or he is testing your boundaries. Just say "Sorry, on a work call".

Kinsters · 15/07/2021 04:38

I wouldn't want to let an unknown man into the house if I was there alone. I'd feel awkward saying no though so I'd probably have let him but been really worried the whole time.

HoppingPavlova · 15/07/2021 05:30

The loo I can sort of understand. The biscuits? I would have asked if there was a reason he hadn’t organised his own food and took it from there. If he said something along the lines of he was sorry, had just started feeling a bit feint and thought maybe biscuits may help, I would have ‘found’ some. If he said he just fancied some I would have told him he was taking the piss and it was a no.

JeansShirtJeansJacket · 15/07/2021 06:00

I would never let a delivery driver into my home whilst I was there alone.

ItsVousNotMoi · 15/07/2021 06:08

I always offer mine drinks. I'm like that though

Ritascornershop · 15/07/2021 06:16

You people who’d let a strange man in your house when you’re home alone are all completely mad.

Also, this man doesn’t seem to recognize boundaries: who asks complete strangers for biscuits when they’re at work? That’s just bloody weird and would unnerve the heck out of me. Can your husband/brother/male friend be around next time a delivery is scheduled?

ittakes2 · 15/07/2021 06:30

I have never ever ever had a delivery driver ask to use the toilet - if they did I would tell them I don't feel comfortable letting strangers into the house. How do you think they normally go to the toilet? They use public or supermarket conveniences.
This man seems to be trying to either push boundaries with you or create some sort of connection. I recommend you don't even open the door to him! Since covid most drivers leave packages on the doorstep and for the ones that still knock I either tell them through the door or open a crack and tell them its OK to leave on doorstep. They are usually in a hurry so happy to leave and run.
Please you need to think about your safety with this man.

BorderlineHappy · 15/07/2021 06:51

All the excuses being treated out.
He might have diabetes,scurvy,his leg is hanging off.

It doesn't matter,who asks a customer for biscuits.
That's just plain weird.

Will it be the same delivery driver next week @PonyPals.
If it is I would open the door but make sure to have another male there.
See what he asks for then.

Original poster
PonyPals · 15/07/2021 06:59

I presume it will be the same driver. We are going into another lockdown so DH will be home. We shall see how it goes!

OP posts:
lorca · 15/07/2021 10:27

@ItsVousNotMoi

I always offer mine drinks. I'm like that though
How does that go?

ItsVous Hello?
Delivery person ' I have a delivery for you'
Itsvous Oh thank you. Would you like a cuppa tea?
'

Are you Mrs Doyle?

Thekindofwindowsfaceslookinat · 15/07/2021 12:09

lorca Grin

OP, I'd be willing to bet £50 that he wouldn't have asked your DH for biscuits.

I'd also bet that if your DH answers the door next time, there will not be any boundary-testing questions or requests.

Both of which would paint a picture of someone who acted in a certain way because you were a woman alone in the house. I'm glad your guard is up now.

BorderlineHappy · 15/07/2021 12:14

I'd open the door the next time see what' he says and then get dh to make an appearance.

Bella43 · 15/07/2021 13:52

@BorderineHappy I like your way of thinking. If you do this OP, let us know. I'd love an update.

Personally I wouldn't be letting a delivery driver in to use the toilet. I would tell him where the nearest supermarket is so he can use theirs and buy biscuits while he's at it. For me, his asking to come in is a safety issue. I wonder if his company authorises him to do this? Where I used to work there were very strict rules for delivery drivers regarding their conduct with customers. Imagine if a teenage girl had opened the door to him and was alone in the house? Would she know how to handle this situation? He shouldn't be asking to come in if you ask me.

daytriptovulcan · 15/07/2021 14:24

He ll be asking for a little lie down next

londonscalling · 15/07/2021 14:29

@wedswench

If you're worried about dangers of a man being in the house (minimal I'd say given that they're tracked to within an inch of their lives and would be identifiable if anything happened) you could always step outside while they used the loo

No way would I go outside. Perhaps he wants to steal something?

ddl1 · 15/07/2021 14:30

I think if he asks about food again, you should ask if there's a reason why he needs it. I had also thought of diabetes, and sudden low glucose. If it's something like that, I think it's OK to give him the food in a crisis, if you have it; but it's really his responsibility to keep food with him.

I would, however, let people use the toilet if they ask - with very few reservations

ExpatAl · 15/07/2021 17:30

Asking for biscuits is odd and I would make sure he stays outside in future. He’s trying you out and seeing how far he can push. Why would you give a packet btw and not just a couple?

ExpatAl · 15/07/2021 17:31

If he had diabetes he would say and ask for anything sweet.

Margerine78 · 15/07/2021 17:32

Weird, I'm with most people above, toilet I get as when nature calls...but the biscuits is really cheeky. Is he flirty, is it a way of getting your attention?

Geekynzmum · 15/07/2021 17:33

You are being very very very unreasonable to give away Tim tams!!!! Shock
I think loo is fine but biscuits is too far. If he asks for anything else in the future just say no or you don't have any.

Havehope21 · 15/07/2021 17:34

Although it is kind to let someone in to use the loo, I personally wouldn't feel safe and would probably make up an excuse to say it was blocked.

Idontcareboutthestateofmyhair · 15/07/2021 17:34

Would never let a stranger in to use my loo.. would rather give the biscuits lol!

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