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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DH says I was unreasonable to let him in

241 replies

PonyPals · 14/07/2021 10:43

I am working from home at the moment and have been receiving deliveries. The delivery guy (have seen him 3 times before) asked to use the toilet when he dropped off a package last week. I let him... DH said I should not have done that but how could I say no.
Well today, the same delivery driver asked if I could give him some biscuits. I was taken aback but ended up giving him a packet. DH thinks I'm a sucker and the delivery driver will become a CF.
But I don't know... AIBU?
I do admit, it was a weird request but then I thought what if he is diabetic and needed to eat but at the same time if you were diabetic surely you would be prepared???

OP posts:
BobbidyBob · 14/07/2021 16:26

No Grin I am absolutely not buying that! Hahahah!

FabulouslyFab · 14/07/2021 17:20

Covid !!
Absolutely not

WhenwillSleephappen · 14/07/2021 19:33

@Cocomarine

What the fuck? Do you not think a diabetic would (a) usually have their own emergency food and (b) preface it with “sorry to ask you this, but I’m diabetic and…”

The toilet thing - I get it was awkward to say no, though as a woman I wouldn’t let w man into my house personally.

But the biscuits? He’s taking the piss.

I’d be really cross if my husband had done that. It’s such a bizarre thing to agree to. Even if you struggle with no for the loo, it’s so easy to lie, “sorry no - I don’t have any.”

Yes diabetics do usually have their own food, but can easily be caught out. Especially when their sugar levels keep dropping and they keep needing to eat. However, I agree that someone requiring food for a medical reason would usually explain why they were requesting it
WhenwillSleephappen · 14/07/2021 19:37

@Londongent

Biscuits are not going to immediately help a diabetic having a hypo, they need fast acting sugar which a biscuit isn't. That is CF territory and I would have said no. A one off toilet request for a driver who appears desperate seems fine, but it would be one off. Please keep us informed if he asks for anything else when he next delivers. It sounds a bit dodgy
But a biscuit can help a diabetics sugar to remain at a normal level once it has gone up again. Particularly, if it keeps dropping lower.
Lavender24 · 14/07/2021 19:39

I'm diabetic and have been caught short with low blood sugars and nothing on me before (my bad, I know). But if I had to beg for food off someone I'd explain why and apologise profusely/offer to reimburse. It's definitely very strange.

walkoflifewoohoo · 14/07/2021 19:43

He asked for biscuits?!

Lavender24 · 14/07/2021 19:43

@Londongent

Biscuits are not going to immediately help a diabetic having a hypo, they need fast acting sugar which a biscuit isn't. That is CF territory and I would have said no. A one off toilet request for a driver who appears desperate seems fine, but it would be one off. Please keep us informed if he asks for anything else when he next delivers. It sounds a bit dodgy
That's not true. I wish people who know nothing about diabetes would stop spouting this shit. Fast acting sugar is preferable but any carbs are fine for a diabetic having a hypo and I say this as a diabetic of 22 years.
BeenAsFarAsMercyAndGrand · 14/07/2021 19:45

Can we stop the diabetes debate? There is zero evidence that this man has diabetes. There is a fair bit of evidence that he's pushing at boundaries.

WhenwillSleephappen · 14/07/2021 19:46

JemimaPyjamas
@WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll I agree with what you said about 'diabetes' but this is probably why I am get to meet someone with Type 1 diabetes (ie the more-likely-to-hypo type) who doesn't say they are a 'type 1' (and then possibly go into a long tedious explanation between the two, or maybe that's just me...)
Absolutely this. A type 1 diabetic would definitely say so. And, it would be highly irresponsible for a type 1 diabetic to be a delivery driver, lugging heavy packages out of a van all day and have nothing to treat a hypo with. Not impossible but highly unlikely

But what if they ran out? I’m sure most diabetics carry supplies with them, but I’m sure they occasionally run out too

BeenAsFarAsMercyAndGrand · 14/07/2021 19:47

Only on MN does it turn into a debate about whether a Biscuit will treat a hypo!

He didn't say anything at all about diabetes, he just asked very specifically for biscuits. The OP has not said that he looked unwell, pale, faint or anything like that.

TroysMammy · 14/07/2021 19:53

He'd have bugger all in my house as I don't buy biscuits.

Aprilx · 14/07/2021 19:54

@Cooldryplace

I don't recognise a world where every man is a threat. I've obviously been very lucky in life.

I always offer delivery drivers water in hot weather, but I do think it's odd to ask for biscuits. Now I really want to know why he needed them, but I doubt I'd have asked at the time either.

You must recognise a world where some men are threats though don’t you? It seems wrong to say you are lucky because you have not encountered a bad man yet, but perhaps it is more than you have not been unlucky to do so. It doesn’t mean they don’t exist and they don’t wear badges.

Gaining the trust of a person by a seemingly innocuous request for water, biscuits, to use the loo or other help etc is a fairly well documented tactic used by some predators.

It is wise to not let strange men into the house.

MrsFlinch · 14/07/2021 19:57

Not sure if I’d let them use the toilet but tbh it is right next to the front door so could keep the front door open and stand in the hallway. But would be wary of having a complete stranger in my house if I was alone.

If it was a tradesmen working in my property then no problem

But the biscuit thing, wouldn’t have had biscuits to give him as don’t keep them in the house very often but could’ve lobbed him a bag of crisps or an ice lolly😂

I’d be wary op of him becoming a bit of a cf as you’ve shown kindness so might push it to see how far he’ll get!

PerciphonePuma · 14/07/2021 23:00

I had a mattress delivered last week. Not one but TWO men in my BEDROOM! Shock horror!!!! 😱😱😱⚰️🪦

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 14/07/2021 23:01

@WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll so can you hand on heart say that you would rather just say to a stranger “can I have a biscuit”. No explanation nothing than explain why?

Really? Honestly? Would you?

I would probably say "My energy levels/blood sugar are dropping or I feel a bit faint". I wouldn't use the word 'diabetes', because announcing it often leads to unwanted assumptions/unnecessary panic/judgment.

I agree with what you said about 'diabetes' but this is probably why I am get to meet someone with Type 1 diabetes (ie the more-likely-to-hypo type) who doesn't say they are a 'type 1' (and then possibly go into a long tedious explanation between the two, or maybe that's just me...)

A lot feel duty-bound to do so to stave off prejudice, but IF I ever do mention it, I personally would never mention which type - unless it naturally developed into a more detailed discussion.

I've heard other people with T1D say they would like it to be given a new different name to distinguish the two, so that they avoid being lumped in with the stereotyped 'fat, lazy, brought it on themselves lot'.

Of course, people are free to believe/want that and manage/cope with their own condition the best way for them; but personally, I hate the seeds of division that are sown, as if those with T2 are 'the baddies' and those with T1 are 'the goodies'. We all have a related serious medical condition and I don't see why it should treated like a competition.

It's not like, say, mentioning what happened when you were in prison and then quickly pointing out that you used to be a prison officer rather than a convicted criminal. I'm not generally a fan of disability/poor health-blaming.

PerciphonePuma · 14/07/2021 23:01

I had a mattress delivered last week. Not one but TWO men in my BEDROOM! Shock horror!!!! 😱😱😱⚰️🪦

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 14/07/2021 23:07

As I've said, the chances that he's up to no good or at least knowingly acting inappropriately are very high; but he (and I'd equally the same for 'she' if he happened to be female) could have learning difficulties, be otherwise non-NT or just really lack social skills. Some people are like that - indeed, how many threads have we had where posters freely admit to randomly blurting out weird or inappropriate things in all kinds of scenarios?

He may have no/insufficient internal monologue/filter/sense of social cues, he may be trying to chat her up, he may be trying (oddly) to be friendly, he may be a complete predatory weirdo. The balance of probability swings more towards the latter, but none of us on here can know for a fact what's going on in his head.

Thekindofwindowsfaceslookinat · 14/07/2021 23:07

I had a mattress delivered last week. Not one but TWO men in my BEDROOM! Shock horror!!!!

Yep, that's the same.

Jux · 14/07/2021 23:12

Let him use the loo, probably.
Give him biscuits? "Sorry, haven't got any" and that would be my answer to any other request he may make.

Thekindofwindowsfaceslookinat · 14/07/2021 23:12

I hate the seeds of division that are sown, as if those with T2 are 'the baddies' and those with T1 are 'the goodies'. We all have a related serious medical condition and I don't see why it should treated like a competition

You could be projecting here: most people in my experience are more or less unaware of the difference and wouldn't know where/when to judge.

I'm sure that there are those who do judge, but I've literally never encountered anything like this. In truth, most people just aren't ever so bothered beyond politeness and nor should they be!

PerciphonePuma · 14/07/2021 23:14

@Thekindofwindowsfaceslookinat

I had a mattress delivered last week. Not one but TWO men in my BEDROOM! Shock horror!!!!

Yep, that's the same.

The MN app was playing up
AnxiousWeirdo · 14/07/2021 23:24

Echoing everyone else really, toilet, yes, biscuits, weird and cheeky as fuck ...

hellogem · 14/07/2021 23:53

I wouldn't feel comfortable letting in a Delivery man to use my toilet. He is a complete stranger to me even if he has delivered my packages a few number of times. I
I can't imagine Royal Mail workers asking to use people's toilet. I've never wondered about their toilet break, where do they go actually or hold it in?

The biscuit thing is weird. How did he even ask??

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 14/07/2021 23:54

You could be projecting here: most people in my experience are more or less unaware of the difference and wouldn't know where/when to judge.

I'm sure that there are those who do judge, but I've literally never encountered anything like this. In truth, most people just aren't ever so bothered beyond politeness and nor should they be!

Have you really not seen any of the headlines over the past few years screaming of how 'the diabetics' are going to bankrupt the country - along with the many more tempered reports as to how much 'diabetes' costs the NHS?

Thekindofwindowsfaceslookinat · 15/07/2021 00:12

Have you really not seen any of the headlines over the past few years screaming of how 'the diabetics' are going to bankrupt the country - along with the many more tempered reports as to how much 'diabetes' costs the NHS?

Absolutely honestly, no I haven't seen those headlines, but that's possibly because it would be unusual for the papers I usually read to have that kind of headline.

Still, I haven't ever experienced any negativity, but it rarely comes up as a 'thing' tbh!

Anyway, I don't want to derail so I'll leave it there.

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