My DH never buys me food….

[Lifeisaminestrone]

My DH and I both work FT but he is keen to do the weekly food shop on a Sat. I won’t do this but I have repeatedly offered to order online (he says he enjoys it).

Anyway, I have asked him to buy me some food both sandwich fillers and snacks while wfh, and he never does. He’ll buy me a few drinks I like (alcohol and non-alcoholic) but that’s it. Anyway it’s getting me rather down.

I should add that we are by no means poor - we have good professional legal incomes and are high earners.

We have been in lockdown for a while now and I really would appreciate him buying me some food I would like. I have told him what I would like added on the list.

Anyway am I being unreasonable in the expectation of food or should I buy my own (I used to always buy out when working in town).

It’s a similar thing with ironing he’ll do his and my child’s but not mine (although I do the washing and putting away for all of us).

Just finding it a bit hurtful. Been married 10 years!

ZeroFuchs He might call her 'Dear' or he'd say 'Your mother' when discussing things in a group, but to her in direct conversation, he avoided calling her anything. It was really odd but they were both really odd and would have been better marrying other people.

All those saying order online etc or make a list, really are missing the point.
If your high income partner of 15 years continually comes back from the shop and has deliberately not bought the items you asked for, every week, then it basically shows he doesn't give a shit about you.
If he really is so bad at remembering (hope he is better at work) then he should write it down.
Every Saturday your partner is disappointed you have forgotten what she asked for when you get home. There is absolutely no way you don't remember that the next Saturday when you are in the shop.
It's deliberate for whatever reason.

My dh doesn't do my ironing. Why would he?
No one in my house irons, but if DP and I did we'd do each other's. We're a team.

If he repeatedly didn't get stuff I wanted from the supermarket I'd ask why. Not sure if that's occurred to the OP.
Did you not read her posts? The second one says 'His response is usually I forgot or I was in a rush!'

I hope you are not accusing me of being a troll? @Gensola

@Bryonyshcmyony

My dh doesn't do my ironing. Why would he? We both do the laundry. If he repeatedly didn't get stuff I wanted from the supermarket I'd ask why. Not sure if that's occurred to the OP.

Enjoying fresh laundry from your wife and then setting aside her clothes and only doing your own and child’s ironing is selfish.

Why wouldn’t he do OP’s ironing too?

why would he because the op does all his washing etc but he chooses to do his own iroining only

ooh, I've been zapped

I’ve never heard of a married couple or any couple living together tbh buying food shopping separately, how strange. Why wouldn’t you both write a list together based on meals for week etc and one of you get the items? I don’t understand this.

And your dh could do your ironing when you’re washing his clothes, have you spoken to him about this op?

My partner and I buy separate foods because he’s an athlete and needs specific food, and I’m not/don’t. He also spends a shit load on food a week whereas I spend about £20 - most likely this will change when we have our baby. We eat the same meals a couple of nights a week, usually at the weekends, but he eats about 6 meals a day so I simply can’t keep up with everything he cooks and eats. So I don’t think the separate food shop is as weird as others do but I appreciate it’s not the norm.
He would never not pick up stuff I wanted at the supermarket though/do the ironing thing. No specific advice OP except to say this is odd and it’s like he’s trying to make some sort of point - I’d just keep asking over and over or have a serious sit down conversation about it because it’s utterly bizarre that this is a recurring issue!

@ClareBlue

All those saying order online etc or make a list, really are missing the point. If your high income partner of 15 years continually comes back from the shop and has deliberately not bought the items you asked for, every week, then it basically shows he doesn't give a shit about you. If he really is so bad at remembering (hope he is better at work) then he should write it down. Every Saturday your partner is disappointed you have forgotten what she asked for when you get home. There is absolutely no way you don't remember that the next Saturday when you are in the shop. It's deliberate for whatever reason.

Absolutely.

It never fails to astound me pettiness and disregard that women accept in a marriage.

Standards are just so low.

That he would iron and leave yours behind.

That he would week in, week out deliberately not do as you ask.

I think being alone has to be better than living with such PA disregard.

The second time the ironing happened is when you stop doing any of his laundry and tell him why.

Does the OP honestly think this is a man who will be kind and supportive as she ages, based on his obvious dislike for her now.

When you love someone, you really don't do this shit.

I have had a response from my husband on this situation.

I explained it made me feel upset. He was quite surprised it upset me so much.

He has asked for a specific list of items and he will buy them going forward. He certainly doesn’t want money but I do need to write it down on a list he’ll take with him.

I didn’t address the ironing but let’s see if he can achieve step number one.

Hopefully all matters resolved. I’m afraid my husband is a technophobe and doesn’t do ‘smart’ mobile phones so shared online lists will be of no use to him

Thanks for all feedback received, appreciated x

That sounds like a really good result, op, I'm glad for you.

"He was quite surprised it upset me so much."

Really??!!

You've asked him to get you something & rather than ask you to be specific he has just ignored it!

And he's surprised that you'be been upset by that.

He was quite surprised it upset me so much
He doesn't sound like the sharpest tool to me.

He has asked for a specific list of items and he will buy them going forward… I do need to write it down on a list he’ll take with him.
Is he seven?
I assume he holds down a responsible job of some kind. It is troubling that he struggles so much with basic food shopping.

Hope he improves. Glad it is not a money issue.

I did not realise you did not give him a list. That is most definitely a good idea. Even if he does not do shared online lists, I presume he carries his phone with him and you could text him with a list.

I am the bad person who is not happy if dh buys the 'wrong' thing for me so we go through the list before he heads out the door. If I am in the supermarket see a treat which I am not sure whether he wants or how many, I text him from the supermarket. Sometimes, I even call if he does not respond fast enough, and if I cannot get hold of him, then he either forgoes it (his loss) or I make an executive decision. But either way, we communicate, I guess.

@Lifeisaminestrone

I have had a response from my husband on this situation.

I explained it made me feel upset. He was quite surprised it upset me so much.

He has asked for a specific list of items and he will buy them going forward. He certainly doesn’t want money but I do need to write it down on a list he’ll take with him.

I didn’t address the ironing but let’s see if he can achieve step number one.

Hopefully all matters resolved. I’m afraid my husband is a technophobe and doesn’t do ‘smart’ mobile phones so shared online lists will be of no use to him

Thanks for all feedback received, appreciated x

Brilliant. Well done OP.

Again some really hysterical messages from some posters

🎉 well done op

Well done OP.

He was surprised you were upset?
After all the times you have asked?
He sounds very obtuse🙄, unbelievably so.

Hopefully OP, you will take a firmer view of his behaviour towards you.

A little consideration is NOT too much to ask in a marriage despite what some women on MN would try and tell you.

Good luck.

Seriously married for 10 years, somebody ought to tell him. He thinks he is still in a flatshare

Oppps - should have posted at first reaction. Well done OP

@Lifeisaminestrone

He has asked for a specific list of items and he will buy them going forward. He certainly doesn’t want money but I do need to write it down on a list he’ll take with him.

Well obviously. The single flaw in your plan was that you did not make it legally biding. You should know an oral agreement is much weaker than a written one and that, in reality, the list needed to be executed in the form of a deed witnessed by a neighbour.

One further update - came in from work (took a trip to office) and he has been out and bought me a surprise of some fancy yoghurts I like.

Won’t fill me for lunch but effort being made!