Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have kept DD8 off school because I can't afford a costume?

452 replies

Barkus · 13/07/2021 12:45

Every term there is a new Class Topic and a dress up day where the whole class is required to turn up to school in costume.

If you're not a crafty Mary Poppins-esque supermum who can produce a hand made costume over a weekend, you are forced to purchase a costume (usually from Amazon in the range of £12-£25).

AIBU to have kept DD off today because I am not a crafty supermum and cannot possibly afford the costume.

OP posts:
TimeForTeaAndG · 13/07/2021 12:47

YABU to think you are being forced to do this. Presumably it's a fun thing for the children and you do what you can. There will always be super crafty parents and those who go out of their way to show off through their child but keeping your child off school because of a dress up day is ridiculous.

FluffMagnet · 13/07/2021 12:48

Talk to the school. They shouldn't be putting this sort of financial burden on parents (also raises questions of consumerism and ecological and ethical implications for one day only)

Harrykanesrightsock · 13/07/2021 12:49

I would put a shout out on Facebook or marketplace type thing. There is probably something suitable you could pick up for a few quid.

TimeForTeaAndG · 13/07/2021 12:50

Sorry,posted too soon.

What I would do is contact the school and talk to them about this. They won't change what they do unless they are aware of issues. I'm sure it's probably been one of those well intentioned things that spiralled when parents got competitive.

UserAtLarge · 13/07/2021 12:50

We never bought a costume. You can usually fabricate something from their existing clothes and things round the house. School made a point of saying they absolutely didn't expect people to spend money on what's meant to be a fun day. What a shame for DD to miss it.

starrynight87 · 13/07/2021 12:51

That's really sad, talk to the teacher - often there is a dressing-up cupboard somewhere or someone has something to lend.

It should be something easy to do, like a sheet for a toga, not spending money.

youdoyoutoday · 13/07/2021 12:51

plenty of our kids don't bother with dressing up, my son is not a fan so he usually goes in in jeans and t-shirt, no one has ever raised this with me.

lastqueenofscotland · 13/07/2021 12:51

YABU
Talk to the school, pop on a black top, black trousers and a £1 pair of cat ears…
Someone I knows son once wore grey school trousers, a grey t shirt and a white tie and said he was dressed as the A45 Grin

EerieSilence · 13/07/2021 12:52

My DD picked some of my clothes for her dress up day. You don't have to go and buy a new dress.

sunshineandshowers40 · 13/07/2021 12:52

The amount of dressing up in primary school is ridiculous. Most of us end up spending £8-15 on Amazon for a costume that is worn once. Does your DC enjoy the days, can they just wear mufti? Quite often mine go to school dressed up but have taken it off by break.

SmidgenofaPigeon · 13/07/2021 12:52

What was she supposed to dress up as?

buddy79 · 13/07/2021 12:53

I’m really sorry you’ve been put in this situation, I don’t think yabu depending how your DD feels - if she would be upset at feeling singled out then yanbu but some children might not care! It would be great for schools to be aware of these issues - my DS’s school are v good and will make it something like “wear something red” or optional fancy dress so much less issue with expense, they also supply v basic costumes for school events - like a hat! It’s choosing the lesser of two evils really.

onlyhereforthecake · 13/07/2021 12:54

As long as the school doesn't expect a full on expensive costume, which I would complain about myself, YABU sorry.

You can (usually) find dirt cheap second hand costumes on your local facebook group

You can find a tshirt in a charity shop for pennies and draw something.
No need to be "crafty".

You can beg or borrow some accessories.

I don't do crafts and have never spent anywhere near £25 on a costume!
My cheapest costume was a name tag, my kid went with a friend wearing a name tag too to make the pair.

Soubriquet · 13/07/2021 12:54

Dress up day really does suck sometimes

Last one was dress up as a farmer/farm animal.

Luckily, someone on Facebook was selling a really nice pair of denim dungarees and a chequered shirt for £5 so that was easily sorted.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 13/07/2021 12:54

Don’t buy a costume- surely you could have found something, what was the theme?

Topseyt · 13/07/2021 12:55

What sort of costume was she supposed to have?

Primary school dressing up days were an absolute pain in the arse though, so I am with you on that. I was so relieved when my youngest finally went to secondary school and all of this crap stopped.

I wouldn't have kept her off. I might have sent her in her own choice of clothes and just bluffed my way through.

Paperyfish · 13/07/2021 12:56

Depends on the theme. Our school does this and I’ve not brought stuff- just cobbled stuff together, and I’m not a Mary poppins mum.
Eg: Victorian day he went as an urchin ( cut off old tracksuit bottoms all raggedy, old shirt with fake smudges on, bit of black eye shadow smudged on face for soot)
Roman day for big sister involved a well pinned bedsheet
Last book day dd went as hermoinie from hp wearing my long black cardigan, her school uniform and a tie off her dad. She made the pointy hat out of paper and has a toy wand from somewhere or other.
A lot of times you just have to make a nod to it and most schools don’t demand everyone goes all out on each theme day!

Iggly · 13/07/2021 12:57

You could have asked around for a secondhand one, or had a look and tried to fashion something together?

I know it’s hard and it may be your pride getting in the way, but you wouldn’t have been the only one and I bet others would love to help.

NotJustAnyOldDog · 13/07/2021 12:58

What in God’s name are they asking you to dress her up in that means you can’t bodge something together from what she already has.

AlwaysaLittleBitTired · 13/07/2021 12:59

YABU - I think you should have asked for help (school/other parents/friends) in advance of the event.

I agree that this is very sad, for lots of reasons. There's always a way to find something to fit a theme - even if it's just a coloured tshirt or accessory, surely? We have been known to draw on a white tshirt before now. DC didn't care, he just wanted to join in.

I don't think this is a great example to set a child. Giving up at the first hurdle, and making them feel 'different' that they will miss all the fun at school... You might be upset with the school for this, but it's your child missing out Sad

Biscuitsneeded · 13/07/2021 12:59

We had this too. Egyptian day, minibeast day, Victorian day, evacuee day.. The trick is to befriend a local family with an older DD who don't mind passing on their costumes. You then pass on to someone with a younger child so it's good all round. Sometimes you might manage to add a costume of your own into the mix that another family can benefit from. Don't make your DD miss school - just ask your community.

HugeAckmansWife · 13/07/2021 12:59

It depends what they're asking for but my best 'last minute, oh crap' costume was a white t shirt that I'd drawn on lapels, a collar and tie and a pocket with pens in it for 'science day'. I polka dotted one fjr children in need. OP I do get it, I'm a working single mum and not crafty or Mary Poppinsy but it's amazing what you can do with a white t shirt and some normal felt pens.

TwoLeftElbows · 13/07/2021 13:02

We had this but school always said don't buy anything. Just a sheet for a toga if they are doing Romans etc. I would occasionally buy a plain coloured cheap t shirt in Eg brown or grey, and could usually cobble something together based on that, without too much faff. Bought big and they lasted a few years for costumes. Look at what clothes they've got and work from there, never ask them what they want to be first! Eg if you have a green t shirt and trousers in their size, they can be a frog or a grasshopper or a grass snake, not a lion!!

There was usually a low effort option like "come dressed for reading" or "dress as a spot" ie all in one colour, for red nose Day. Encourage your school to include options like this. It also is more inclusive for kids who just hate dressing up.

Fiddliestofsticks · 13/07/2021 13:03

Did you not talk to the school? I dont understand why your first response was to keep your mouth shut and keep her off school.

You have a voice. Use it. Speak to the school. Our school are always asking if anyone can donate anything related to whatever topic for the kids to have dress up days or whatever.

fruitbrewhaha · 13/07/2021 13:04

You are wrong to have kept her off.

You could scape something together with what you have.

Ask if anyone has something you could borrow from her classmates or from older kids who would have done this topic already.

Or just sent her in uniform. There's always kids that go in uniform on dress up days, either they have forgotten or they didn't want to dress up.

What are you telling her by keeping her off school?