To have kept DD8 off school because I can't afford a costume?

[Barkus]

Every term there is a new Class Topic and a dress up day where the whole class is required to turn up to school in costume.

If you're not a crafty Mary Poppins-esque supermum who can produce a hand made costume over a weekend, you are forced to purchase a costume (usually from Amazon in the range of £12-£25).

AIBU to have kept DD off today because I am not a crafty supermum and cannot possibly afford the costume.

When I was teaching there were always a few who didn't dress up and I didn't question them on the reasons. Some didn't want to dress up but if they did I could usually find something suitable for them in the dressing up boxes (Reception class). On the occasions when it was a whole school event and there were prizes they were ALWAYS awarded to the home made costumes even if they weren't particularly skilful.

My DD hates dressing up for these days so I started sending her in in her normal clothes.
On ‘dress up as a country’ day she went as England in usual clothes.
WBD she went as a girl character.
No ones ever challenged me (or her to my knowledge).

I wouldn’t expect a teacher to quiz the children on the reasons, it tends to be the other kids.

YANBU, a lot of things parents are expected to do aren't possible for various people. Like, making anything, I would be fucked if I had DC. Or helping with homework if the parent has a learning disability, etc.

@HaveringWavering

Schools should ban bought costumes - the mass-production of synthetic crap is really bad for the environment, I hate seeing supermarkets full of it around Halloween and world book day. Insisting on home made also levels the playing field a bit.

ahem no, thank you.

Schools won't have any way to check of the costume was bought new, second-hand, or found at the bottom of the fancy dress box of a friend.

Not everyone is crafty, has a crafty family member or can pay for someone else to make a "handmade" costume...

I'd definitely speak to school. It's great people suggesting FB Marketplace and charity shops but that's time, sourcing going to pick up etc. Time many working parents just don't have.

Our new HT is very conscious of the disparity in the income levels within the school, so wants to avoid any involving money.

I wouldn’t be happy with a dress up day for each new topic. It’s too much. My children’s primary only dress up for WBD every other year now as it’s too much to ask parents to constantly be buying /making costumes.
My kids both had skeleton costumes for Halloween one year. The youngest one wore a skeleton costume for years as he had to get the wear out of them both 😂 He was Funny bones and a character in Goosebumps etc

Dress up days are a PITA but you can't just keep your child off. Apart from anything else, it's illegal. Next time speak to the teacher in advance and they'll help you sort something out. And/or set up a fb group called "sell/swap/buy fancy dress for X school" - schools usually repeat the same themes year on year.

Suggest a dressing up box in school for preloved costumes?

And don’t worry about keeping her off. It’s one day.

I understand how you feel OP but keeping her off school is too extreme a reaction. Like pp have said just send her in some of her existing clothes adapted with a pirate hat and patch or fairy wings /wizard hat or cat ears all of which you can usually pick up for under £5.

Dress her up in jeans and a polo neck shirt. Draw an apple and pin it on the front and she can tell everyone she is going as Steve Jobs.

As a non-super-crafty and also busy-at-work parent I always just used to get the kids to find the clothes they wanted to wear and then I - and later they - would decide what the costume was. Jeans and a t-shirt is any number of characters – jeans, T-shirt and a small bottle is George and his marvellous medicine (Roald Dahl) for example. Depending on what colour, dressing gown = Darth Vader or Luke (Star Wars) with optional light sabre (one year made out of cardboard) and black dressing gown over the head is Death (with home made scythe).
For next time, there's a great list here: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/2864970-AIBU-to-offer-suggestions-for-last-minute-cheap-and-easy-World-Book-Day-costumes

You don't have to be pricey or crafty. Many years mine have used cardboard cut out on front and back of themselves then decorated with their felt tips or paints. Bit like bill board style

One of the reasons I was so happy when ds3, my youngest, went to senior school was that it meant no more bloody dressing up days - I can sew and am reasonably crafty, but lack imagination and inspiration, so WBD was always a worry for me.

The only costume I felt happy with was sending ds2 in as Christopher Robin - shorts, wellies, shirt, blue umbrella (“tut tut - looks like rain”), with a teddy, a tiger and a little pig.

I know the super crafty parents just say "well you should have learnt to sew before you had kids". Not sure people are thinking about dressing up days for their offspring when they're procreating.

I bet no one has ever said that.

The 'crafty' parents I know would all be desperately hoping for praise for their homemade creation and for how clever they are, whilst hoping not to be out done by another crafty parent, if everyone learnt to sew they would have too much competition!

(I am one of them )

You're creating unnecessary pressure for you and your DC. There are always a selection of DCs who don't wear costumes. In our school, it's quite often the teachers' DCs who don't wear them.
Costumes are added extras - they're not the point of the lesson or the fun day. No-one expects a new costume from Amazon and no-one expects parents to be Mary Poppins. Maybe social media has given you an unrealistic expectation.
I think it's a shame your DC missed out because you put your costume expectations above everything else.

Download the next door neighbor app and ask on there. We had someone starting reception in a local school asking for jumpers. It's better for stuff to be recycled.

@ConsuelaHammock

And don’t worry about keeping her off. It’s one day.

but it's a bit sad to miss the one day where things are a bit different and supposed to be fun.

For no reason at all.

Well, dressing up days are a pain in the arse but you doing have to spend money or go all out. My daughter loves elaborate home-made costumes (I am ok at sewing so usually end up repurposing something from a charity shop/something old of mine or her dad’s), but my son hates dressing up and we literally do the minimum we can get away with (e.g. for a 1970s dress up day he wore his normal clothes with t shirt with the muppets on that he already had, as a nod to something that was around in the 70s). At 8 your daughter’s old enough to help make props for a costume - you can delegate some of it (cardboard swords, masks etc). If school have high expectations you should speak to them about including wording on the communication that comes out about not expecting people to buy costumes or spend lots of time and effort. Our school often includes links to websites with simple cheap ‘homemade’ ideas with the email about dress up days. I think it’s a shame for your daughter to miss it - they usually do fun activities on dress up days as well.

But there is a reason.

It's a difficult one as when my child first started school I would have agreed with you, there were so many dressing up days it seemed unfair on people who can't afford it, annoying for parents to sort out and as an anxious person brought back that panic of wearing the wrong thing from my own school days. But I've since found that at my daughter's school at least half the class simply wears their own clothes, and no-one minds at all. Dressing up being so frequent it's desensitized us to them, and we don't take them too seriously. My daughter absolutely loves dressing up so we pick up random things at charity shops throughout the year, coloured scarves and shawls are particularly brilliant and multipurpose and I have a set of face paints, and that combined with normal clothes has got us through every dress up day. I really wouldn't over think it. She'll benefit more by going in in her own clothes and getting to do whatever fun activities are on that day, than missing out.

I don't think you have to be crafty, I'm sure I used to improvise with costumes or go to the charity shop and would never buy something for £12-25 just for this purpose tbh

@reallybloodytired

But there is a reason.

the OP hasn't come back to confirm that the school made it mandatory to purchase a £25 costume, so it's very likely there is no valid reason.

Our school started a costume bank for the kind of BS.

YABU though, you are not forced into it at all. And if it happens every term, why not plan ahead, ask the topic and make something at home?