To have kept DD8 off school because I can't afford a costume?

[Barkus]

Every term there is a new Class Topic and a dress up day where the whole class is required to turn up to school in costume.

If you're not a crafty Mary Poppins-esque supermum who can produce a hand made costume over a weekend, you are forced to purchase a costume (usually from Amazon in the range of £12-£25).

AIBU to have kept DD off today because I am not a crafty supermum and cannot possibly afford the costume.

And LOL at all the 'You don't have to be crafty, just do XYZ comments'

I really, really never managed anything that wouldn't have looked ridiculous or that DC would have refused to wear.

All this talk of cobbling together presupposes that there are drawers and wardrobes full of things with which to improvise. And not everyone has that. When I seperated from my husband I had two sets of sheets, that was it, no spare sheets lying around that I could afford to dye, get torn etc. And you might say things like that are cheap as chips, can be bought second hand etc but why should people have to spend ANYTHING on items, trawl through websites, call in favours to borrow things or contribute to consumerism for something which, not to labour the point, seem pretty pointless in the first place.

I always gave the school the costumes I’d made/bought for topic dress up day so they could use them for future year groups

@ThisIsStartingToBoreMe

YABU - why can't you afford to buy her a costume?

You're joking, right?

Or you have no imagination.

Or...

@ThisIsStartingToBoreMe

YABU - why can't you afford to buy her a costume?

Are you for real?

@ThisIsStartingToBoreMe

YABU - why can't you afford to buy her a costume?

Are you seriously unable to imagine why someone might not have £20 or more spare to spend on a non-vital single use item??

@GolfEchoRomeoTangoIndia

YABU to just give up. Either protest to the school to change their policy or post on MN a couple of days before to get some good ideas.

This. If money is tight then you either need to get creative (make your own), organised (MN or FB for suggestions/ free stuff), or communicative (tell the school). Just giving up without exploring other options is a crap example to set to your child.

A few years ago I read a Twitter thread about how World Book Day is/was one of most missed days of school because of the pressure to dress up. For a lot of families it is not just about buying a costume, it’s not being able to afford to ruin clothing (ripping trousers, writing on white tops). A couple quid is a big deal to some people, especially if the article of clothing is then unusable.

YANBU but if you feel comfortable speaking to the school about it, they may be able to help with sourcing costumes in the future.

Low effort it. Pin a tail on her and she's Elmer the Elephant etc

Send her in as the very hungry caterpillar i.e. with fruit salad for lunch

If anyone complains then they just aren't using their imagination to picture it

@Anoisagusaris

At Halloween our school gives prizes for best homemade costume. Of course that puts pressure on the non-crafty parents!

We used to have a “teachers vote” , and of course we fixed it, never chose a bought costume, never chose a crafty mum costume, always, always always chose the one where you could tell the child had had input on the making of it however clumsy and cobbled together it was.

I make dds costumes (badly). Her classmates either come in ridiculous shop-bought outfits or school uniform. Are you really the only parent who will be ignoring it?

Do you have a class WhatsApp group? I would have asked around to see if someone could lend you something. Our school does a lot of dress up days - Victorian, Pirate, Ancient Greek ( in winter… that was challenging ) but they are repeated year on year. People sell costumes cheaply on eBay too and they’re usually in charity shops. Mostly I’ve been able to pull items together with what I have with an occasional charity shop purchase. Ive just done a “ dress like an animal” day and some kids were in full on onesies and some were in leopard print leggings or cats ears and that was it. I bought a pair of “ antenna” and my DD went as an ant… everything else was available at home. I think you’ve decided that you’re not “that type of person” and that’s it! The most creative costumes are never shop bought imo.

"Why can't you afford to buy one?" shows pretty much the same understanding of OP's situation as "Why can't you make one?" tbf.

Once sent the Junior Engineer into school for World Book Day in a brown t-shirt, camo trousers, and a twig taped onto a headband.
Stick Man.

@HectorGloop

it doesn't matter what the theme is, since DS4 was the donkey in the nativity last christmas, he will only wear his donkey outfit. last week, it was under the sea themed. he was still a donkey. it's saved me loads of money

You can get seahorses, it’s not too much of a stretch to have a sea donkey!

Yabu. You are trying to make a point by using your daughter, she is missing out on a fun learning day it sounds like. In our classes, we'll have a handful who've bought an outfit, a handful who've made a good effort at making an outfit, a handful who come in with a sheet wrapped round them (or whatever), and a handful who've forgotten. Unless the school have said - you must have a perfect outfit - which I'd highly doubt.

Yes I think you’re unreasonable. There is always a way to do this cheaply with enough thought and a little imagination. It’s also not an unexpected event. It’s a shame for your daughter to miss out on what is a fun day.

@ThisIsStartingToBoreMe

YABU - why can't you afford to buy her a costume?

Oh bugger off.

@lola006

A few years ago I read a Twitter thread about how World Book Day is/was one of most missed days of school because of the pressure to dress up. For a lot of families it is not just about buying a costume, it’s not being able to afford to ruin clothing (ripping trousers, writing on white tops). A couple quid is a big deal to some people, especially if the article of clothing is then unusable.

YANBU but if you feel comfortable speaking to the school about it, they may be able to help with sourcing costumes in the future.

I agree completely with your first paragraph. But surely the sanest and simplest solution to this dress up mania is not to find ways to help the many people for whom this is unaffordable to source costumes but to seriously reign it in to once per year (or not at all). There is no great educational or developmental or social justification for something which seems to cause pressure, expense and hassle for people. This is not about fundanental things like access to good food, to books, to musical instuments, to sports equipment, it's just fluff

I understand where you’re coming from, I’ve never bought a costume for my daughter - I’m quite crafty so have always managed to make something random! Unfortunately my mum friends worked this out and I end up making their costumes too!

@Nanny0gg

And LOL at all the 'You don't have to be crafty, just do XYZ comments'

I really, really never managed anything that wouldn't have looked ridiculous or that DC would have refused to wear.

why are some parents trying to complicate their life so much, or have to be in some weird competition and show off all the time?

The rest of us manage just fine. Without spending £20 on a costume.

Who are all these children who would refuse to go to school wearing their own clothes or their PE kit (possibly with some vaguely related tshirt?) I don't know any.

What was the topic?

@onlyhereforthecake
We live in an affluent area, but my friend further north had the same problem.
Every school is different and as the year groups, think I got bad luck! Ultimately it’s down to the parents isn’t... - our costume is the most expensive 🙄

@TimeForTeaAndG

YABU to think you are being forced to do this. Presumably it's a fun thing for the children and you do what you can. There will always be super crafty parents and those who go out of their way to show off through their child but keeping your child off school because of a dress up day is ridiculous.

Totally disagree. Dress up days are a massive burden for parents (and teachers, probably, though they may be able to dig out last year's costume each time). I have no idea why schools insist on doing them. Without DH I'd have probably kept ds off too, but fortunately DH has some creativity. It shouldn't come down to that though.

My children's school has stopped asking them to dress up for World Book day due to the over-emphasis on the dressing up aspect and the consequential lack of focus on the actual point of the day.

For the Christmas play, the school has a set of the main costumes, and parents are only asked to provide small parts of the outfit, or just dress the children in all white (sheep, angels etc) or all black (narrators). For other dress up days, the costume demands are usually pretty simple, and there is an active parents Facebook page where costumes are swapped around. The letters home always say to ask the school if there are any difficulties, and that there's no need to buy expensive ready made dress up costumes.

Any payments for activities should always be very clear that it's optional, and it should really be done via an online payment system so that it's not immediately obvious who has paid and who might not have done.