To have kept DD8 off school because I can't afford a costume?

[Barkus]

Every term there is a new Class Topic and a dress up day where the whole class is required to turn up to school in costume.

If you're not a crafty Mary Poppins-esque supermum who can produce a hand made costume over a weekend, you are forced to purchase a costume (usually from Amazon in the range of £12-£25).

AIBU to have kept DD off today because I am not a crafty supermum and cannot possibly afford the costume.

World book day was the only dress up day I liked because it was the easiest. Lots of characters in books just wear normal everyday clothes. No need to buy anything, no need to be super crafty mum.

YABU - why can't you afford to buy her a costume

Did you actually type this with a straight face or are you trolling?

Very true! My DC’s primary (1 is still there) used to have close to 1 dress up per term, the parents protested and now it’s Christmas play and WBD.

I think you raise a really good point, OP. I’m sad you felt you had to keep your child off, but a pp saying world book day is one of the most missed school days shows this is a common problem. No child should be excluded from school activities and time to make or ability to travel to collect a free costume are luxuries not everyone has. Do you have an approachable headteacher you could raise this with?

This is not about fundanental things like access to good food, to books, to musical instuments, to sports equipment, it's just fluff

oh enough with the competition to the bottom. Kids have fun, big deal, school can be a bit of fun can't it?

Ask the PTA to organise donations of old costumes, draw on a tshirt, it's so not the big deal people are making out it is.

Some wealthy parents are genuinely busy and buy the first thing they see, that's true, but it's usually not the wealthiest families who feel the need to put on a show and consider spending £20 or £25 on a costume for primary school.

YABU. Putting a kid's fancy dress costume together (typically from bits and pieces you already have) is not just reserved for "supermums"!!!

Not having £12 to spend is a shit situation genuinely, and I am sorry you're dealing with that.

However, in this particular incident I feel like you've let your personal victim complex affect your kid's school attendance. Maybe you're stewing about the perceived injustice, and you didn't want to call the school in case they offered a reasonable and workable solution, taking away your right to feel indignant and excluded.

Before you pile on me, I speak from bitter experience of going through life with a chip on my shoulder. It wasn't good for me, and it's not good for you or your child.

Lots of characters in books just wear normal everyday clothes. No need to buy anything, no need to be super crafty mum

If you wear normal everyday clothes it's not dressing up, is it? You have to do some sort of creative adjustments, which usually mean buying or sewing or both.

Sports ones were ok as ds could just wear a football kit.

I know the super crafty parents just say "well you should have learnt to sew before you had kids". Not sure people are thinking about dressing up days for their offspring when they're procreating.

Putting a kid's fancy dress costume together (typically from bits and pieces you already have) is not just reserved for "supermums

no it's fine if you have a superdad. Not much good if both parents are creatively challenged, though.

@Porcupineintherough

World book day was the only dress up day I liked because it was the easiest. Lots of characters in books just wear normal everyday clothes. No need to buy anything, no need to be super crafty mum.

exactly. How many kids turn up in their own clothes and called themselves "any first name from a book"!

It's some parents who are making it a competition, it's sad.

I think it's a shame to keep her off. I tried hard not to buy stuff for the environmental reasons but I can quite see how stretched parents could be and why a costume isn't so-able on their budget.

I agree with pp that suggested FB. My area has loads of asking and offers posts. I once sent DS as Bilbo Baggins wearing his own trousers, my dads wedding waistcoat (from the 1970s) and a stick from the garden. DS then wanted the 'ring' and so wore his dads wedding ring on a necklace.
Teacher was horrified, offered to look after it and was not sure what to say when DS breezily told her that his dad never wore it anyway (true).

You really don’t have to be crafty to do homemade costumes. DS loves football so his Halloween costume is usually a zombie footballer, world book day he was a footballer from some book he read. DD likes horses and rides so was a zombie horse rider and a girl from one of her horsey books.

@EverythingWillFallInLine has hit the nail on the head. Think of all the threads about people keeping their children off on school trip days for similar reasons

@igelkott2021

Lots of characters in books just wear normal everyday clothes. No need to buy anything, no need to be super crafty mum

If you wear normal everyday clothes it's not dressing up, is it? You have to do some sort of creative adjustments, which usually mean buying or sewing or both.

Sports ones were ok as ds could just wear a football kit.

I know the super crafty parents just say "well you should have learnt to sew before you had kids". Not sure people are thinking about dressing up days for their offspring when they're procreating.

that's nonsense.

I don't sew or do craft. I can still manage to browse pinterest and find an easy idea requiring no crafting skill whatsoever.

@igelkott2021

Lots of characters in books just wear normal everyday clothes. No need to buy anything, no need to be super crafty mum

If you wear normal everyday clothes it's not dressing up, is it? You have to do some sort of creative adjustments, which usually mean buying or sewing or both.

Sports ones were ok as ds could just wear a football kit.

I know the super crafty parents just say "well you should have learnt to sew before you had kids". Not sure people are thinking about dressing up days for their offspring when they're procreating.

No you don't have to sew. Rummage round in your own wardrobe, find a hat or a belt or hair ribbon or whatever to jazz up a normal outfit. Make a cardboard sign on a piece of string and wear it like a necklace. My dd had to wear something to do with flying...she wore a black skirt, white top,one of my silk (not silk!) scarves tied jazzily and I made a little name tag with her name and cabin crew written on it

Honestly

grab 3 friends and a dog soft toy, and bam, you are the famous 5.

The possibilities are endless. It takes less time to browse pinterest and find an idea than it takes to post on MN...

@igelkott2021

Putting a kid's fancy dress costume together (typically from bits and pieces you already have) is not just reserved for "supermums

no it's fine if you have a superdad. Not much good if both parents are creatively challenged, though.

Amazes me the lengths some people will go to to feel hard done by.

You sound a bit defeatist. Just make something out of what you have at home and available. Don’t make your child miss out! If you’re that hard up, talk to the school and they will help you out. To hinder your child’s education because you can’t be bothered to find a solution isn’t good parenting.

So much ‘cobbling together’ on this thread 😂

Schools should ban bought costumes - the mass-production of synthetic crap is really bad for the environment, I hate seeing supermarkets full of it around Halloween and world book day. Insisting on home made also levels the playing field a bit.

Many years ago whilst minding, I had a parent phone me in a bit of a panic around 8.30pm as they had just found out that their child was supposed to wear a nursery rhyme costume (for nursery) the next day.
I dug out an old Santa hat, she arrived the next morning with a pair of pyjamas and his dressing gown. We managed to come up with a large candle and a saucer. Child went as Wee Willie WInkie.
Honestly it's no big deal.
Two things.

1. I believe that a pp has already suggested asking the school. You could ask the school to provide a list of dress up days, dates and suitable clothing.

You could also ask the school to ask parents once a year to send in any dressing up outfits that thèir child has outgrown.
A knights or norman day, kids could maybe spend a couple of playtimes making masks, helmets shields.
Ask school to make some of the days home made only. Honestly much easier than it looks.

I think you are over thinking this - ask the school they are likely to have spares. Older years will have secondhand ones etc. Your child might be missing out on some fun activties.

Awh it is a pity you didn't post I'm sure someone would have posted you an old one. I know that is not the point school shouldn't be putting pressure on parents to spend money they can't afford.

Bless you, this is a bullshit place to be in.

I don’t think you’re wrong to keep her off but it’s not the long term solution.

Personally I’d be scouting out for 2nd hand costumes, accessories, dress up stuff and I’d also be looking on YouTube bc no doubt there will be tons of videos for easy costumes you can rustle up with basics.

But I also agree with PP who say that you can raise this with the school. There will be lots of parents in the same boat and they should be making these types of events accessible and open for all - regardless of sowing skills or budget

My son wears the same dress up skeleton PJs to any dress up event regardless of the theme!

Don’t keep her home, ask on a local FB group, ask friends, look in a charity shop, as your neighbours, ask the school, class WhatsApp. So many options…

You're not unreasonable.

Really, things like this should involve kids making a costume with adult help, not people spending £X on something that will probably only be worn once. Fine for those who can afford it but many cannot.

You could have a look around charity shops to see if there is anything that can be easily adapted. Just a thought.

If you keep your child off for the day, what excuse are you going to give, if any? Do be careful because children have a habit of spilling the beans to their friends, not unreasonable because kids are naturally and it takes time for them to understand tact and diplomacy..

Try and make it as genuine as possible - maybe transport problems or you not feeling well.

I am not advocating telling lies, merely adopting a pragmatic point of view.