To have kept DD8 off school because I can't afford a costume?

[Barkus]

Every term there is a new Class Topic and a dress up day where the whole class is required to turn up to school in costume.

If you're not a crafty Mary Poppins-esque supermum who can produce a hand made costume over a weekend, you are forced to purchase a costume (usually from Amazon in the range of £12-£25).

AIBU to have kept DD off today because I am not a crafty supermum and cannot possibly afford the costume.

Yabu to have kept her off yes.
I doubt the school is insisting on bought costumes and there's always a way of cobbling something together even if you're not crafty. Pinterest is great for ideas.

One year our school announced a week before world book day, when I imagine a lot of people would have already planned/bought/made something that the theme was detectives. DD came home from school crying because she had already planned an outfit. She went in wearing normal clothes and primed to say that she was a plain clothed police detective if anybody asked!

The older they get a lot of them are just wearing mufti on the various dress up days now.

What is the theme?

We got quite good at customising things to make costumes but I agree with you, it takes time and it can be just as much or even more expensive to make or customise a costume than it is to buy one.

yabu to keep her off, just send her in her uniform.

Do you have a school Facebook page or one for your local area. Loads of people ask for help on those pages for that sort of stuff. I have a whole dressing up box, I'd happily hand something over. And no, she shouldn't keep your child home for this reason. There's always kids in uniform on dress up days. The school usually helps them make something

@3scape

YABU to not state the theme. I've seen (and responded to with items) pleas for borrowing costumes or ideas on my local FB page. A lot of children who like dress up will have spares or have grown out of stuff.

I remember when my son was in infant school and designing a t-shirt with Tom Gates logo on the front and making a mask for him to wear for WBD, when the deputy teacher came in to the class room she took photos of only those children wearing shop bought costumes and those were the photos that went into the school newsletter along with the winner who wore a shop bought costume. The winner didn't bother me really but the fact she'd deliberately didn't photograph those wearing homemade costumes didn't sit well with me. I bought costumes then until my children went up to junior school. Costumes they wore for one day never to be worn again.

I think you should speak to teacher re feeling that you have to buy something which is clearly unreasonable. I don't think she should stay off school however, I'm not super crafty but could usually fashion something out of old clothes. The only time it was difficult and meant a trip to a charity shop was if it was 'yellow' or 'pink' day or similar if we didn't possess items of that particular colour.

YABU

People in wealthy areas don't feel the same pressures to measure up to expectations for things like this because they already have the status symbols - the house, the cars, the holidays etc. See also: battered old volvos, one or two Xmas presents wrapped in brown paper etc etc.

It is annoying. We’ve never bought one specifically for school but sometimes I have had to think outside the box because I can’t even draw a circle never mind make anything.

We had a music theme and luckily happened to have had a wedding not long before. Sent DS in his suit with a broken radio aerial - conductor.

Sports - dressing gown with shorts and a vest with some boxing gloves that we had. Plenty of kids with a football that time.

@Batsy

yabu to keep her off, just send her in her uniform.

The potential embarrassment that might cause, I'd rather keep her off!

This dressing up lark is such a load of shit. What exactly is the point of it from an educational or developmental point of view? That's before you even get started on the financial and time costs on parents, the pressure to perform, the environmental impact of yet more unwanted tat and clothes. In our school children dress up for Halloween only and that is more than enough

I was a kid back in the 1950s and of course we didnt have all these dress up days - maybe once a year for the school party. But most parents were in a similar financial position and cobbled something together. I can remember my gran making me a long dress out of an old (white sheet) and dying another sheet blue so I could go as Mary the mother of Jesus.

In secondary school there were days out to concerts, museums and so on. And a trip to Paris (very innovating for a secondary modern in the 1950s but we had a very forward looking headmaster). I missed out on the trip to Paris and most of the other "excursions" because there was simply not the money in our house. Often I was left standing with the "cottage homes" kids watching all my friends go off on some adventure. I just had to get on with it. My parents would not have allowed me to stay off school.

I remember when my son was in infant school and designing a t-shirt with Tom Gates logo on the front and making a mask for him to wear for WBD, when the deputy teacher came in to the class room she took photos of only those children wearing shop bought costumes and those were the photos that went into the school newsletter along with the winner who wore a shop bought costume. The winner didn't bother me really but the fact she'd deliberately didn't photograph those wearing homemade costumes didn't sit well with me. I bought costumes then until my children went up to junior school. Costumes they wore for one day never to be worn again

How would you know it was deliberate???? That makes no sense

Never bought a costume for that price carboot or charity shop or something dd feels comfortable in we are having a dress day for something next week can't find anything she is going in a pink dress 😉

she was the only one in her year that wasn’t in a bought costume. I remember it like it was yesterday, I felt like a terrible mum, she felt singled out and humiliated.

I'm amazed by this. Most schools I know of really discourage bought costumes these days, there's a strong emphasis on the child being involved in the making process and it's made clear it's meant to be simple - bedsheet togas etc.

best one i did was sending DD dressed as the Saucepan man drove the teachers nuts with all the clinking/clanging i am not a supermum, but can usually cobble something together, or ask for help from friends.

You can make stuff without any talent or money.
I always had a few plain white t shirts that you can get online or from Aldi/Lidl for less than £2 each and use felt tips on them.
It would be pretty unusual if you couldn’t find something around the house to use - it doesn’t have to be great.
You can always ask at school or other parents if they’ve got anything too

You don't need to be crafty - all you need is a bit of imagination. I have never bought or sewn an outfit for costume days.

What is the topic? Maybe we can help

At Halloween our school gives prizes for best homemade costume. Of course that puts pressure on the non-crafty parents!

If it’s every month op I’d speak to school. If you don’t want to look in charity shops over summer with DC. Bought costumes aren’t essential. Something like a white sheet, long skirt and a blouse can be fashioned into most things - Victorian, greek, evacuee. Save cardboard so DC can make a sign/accessories.

In my town we have a free Facebook page where people give things away. They also ask for things. Recently there's been lots of people asking to borrow a costume and everyone managed to get one. Try this instead of keeping your child off on a fun day.

@TimeForTeaAndG

YABU to think you are being forced to do this. Presumably it's a fun thing for the children and you do what you can. There will always be super crafty parents and those who go out of their way to show off through their child but keeping your child off school because of a dress up day is ridiculous.

Not if her DD is the only one not in costume (entirely possible)

I am sick of the amount of money that has to be spent on 'extras' with no thought as to whether or not the parents can afford it.

However, OP, next time have a word with the teacher. They may have something you could use

it doesn't matter what the theme is, since DS4 was the donkey in the nativity last christmas, he will only wear his donkey outfit. last week, it was under the sea themed. he was still a donkey. it's saved me loads of money

YABU - why can't you afford to buy her a costume?

YABU to just give up. Either protest to the school to change their policy or post on MN a couple of days before to get some good ideas.