To have kept DD8 off school because I can't afford a costume?

[Barkus]

Every term there is a new Class Topic and a dress up day where the whole class is required to turn up to school in costume.

If you're not a crafty Mary Poppins-esque supermum who can produce a hand made costume over a weekend, you are forced to purchase a costume (usually from Amazon in the range of £12-£25).

AIBU to have kept DD off today because I am not a crafty supermum and cannot possibly afford the costume.

What was this topics dress up category? I'm sure between us we could have come up with a suitable cobble-together option with bits you already had lying around.

You're not being unreasonable, but do make the school aware.
While I agree with prayers about fabricating it yourself, that's not always possible if you work full time and are expending the extra effort that comes with no money (no leeway, no help, having to get the bus to get food, etc)

It's true that you can make simple outfits, but sometimes the child is the only one with a low key outfit and they might be conscious of that.

I remember scribbling "Supergirl" and a logo on a t shirt as an outfit for a superhero day only for all the other outfits to be perfect, supermarket bought ones. My daughter returned home at the end of the day with it taken off :(

Schools should be able to do something about it, I feel like there are many things they could try. Perhaps make the outfit as part of a lesson?
Encourage end of year clutter donations and keep spares
Tell parents - not encourage - that the outfit must be home made even if its just a cardboard sign
Or just do it less often

YABU to not state the theme. I've seen (and responded to with items) pleas for borrowing costumes or ideas on my local FB page. A lot of children who like dress up will have spares or have grown out of stuff.

Please do talk to the school about this, OP. No child should be missing school for this reason (I’m not saying that to have a go at you, btw) and if they’re putting unfair expectations on families that needs to be addressed.

What are the dress up themes and can you really not fashion something vaguely related from what she already has? I have no time or desire to make a costume and I object to buying something just for one day as it’s so wasteful. Mine never wants to go with the theme and usually finds some excuse to wear the same princess dress whether it’s Halloween or world book day!

Can't stand the dress-up days, thankfully once my children got to junior school they rarely did them as the school realised the older children weren't really into it and it was just another added expense for parents. For WBD the children could come in dressed up if they wanted or mufti, most came in mufti. We had Victorian day which is pretty easy to put together from clothes at home.

I used to hold occasional kids dress up days in my library. I always gave the prize to the most innovative one, not the one who had hired a fancy costume.

The last one was won by a boy in a plain black tracksuit bottoms and t-shirt with bits of crumpled newspaper and magazine pages tacked on here and there. He came as "old news".

Did the school really said it was a mandatory costume, and only some pre-approved Amazon/fancy dress expensive outfits were allowed on the day?

I seriously doubt that.

I also seriously doubt that there's no parent a bit environmentally conscious, and that they all send their kids in an expensive to-be-worn-once-only polyester costume, even if they have no financial issues.

I totally agree with you op. When my eldest was in year 1 it was elf day. Teacher said to dress as an elf but you could fashion something from home - which I did. She was the only one in her year that wasn’t in a bought costume. I remember it like it was yesterday, I felt like a terrible mum, she felt singled out and humiliated.
There is always some sort of theme to dress up as and 99% of the kids have a bought costume, the kids that don’t feel embarrassed.
It’s not on for families that cannot keep up with the constant costs. Pre Covid it was also none uniform day often and pay £1. School disco, £2.50 entry plus the cost of food. Money to take to school to buy cakes for fundraiser and we had to take the cakes to sell. The list went on and on. Even tickets for the Christmas play are £3.00 each.
When my now dd15 was in reception I had twins. The childcare costs were £122.00 a day!!! I worked part time. Dp had different job, things were very difficult.
I don’t think schools realise how much of a struggle these things are for parents that are on a tight budget. It’s embarrassing for the parents too. Who wants to ring up and have to say you can’t afford it!
When the twins started school that was 3 lots of costumes, 3 lots of money to take etc. It mounted up to be a lot of money.
In hindsight I should have kept dd off school unless of course she was totally happy to go in what we fashioned at home.

I think it is unreasonable. Sorry. However i do think you should speak to the school. My sons schools letter is very explicit that costumes dont need to be bought or extra creative and do need to be practical to play/learn in. It has damped down the more creative parents standards and there are less bought ones. They give a list of 6 suggestions that parents can do easily but best of all it requires zero thinking. (Eg wear a red, or orange or yellow top to be a flame in great fire of london, put an apron on to be a baker). They also do less days.
Maybe you coukd suggest they do something more like that.

It's terrible that there is this expectation - surely there are plenty of kids who don't dress up every time? But you were wrong to keep your daughter off, her education is really important. You should have just had a word with the teacher and said you didn't have anything for dress up. I'd also speak to the Head and say how much you are struggling with this, it sounds totally excessive and at least needs to be optional.

Ugh I hate primary dress up days. We're only in reception. We've home schooled for a third of it, nearly and we've still had three!! World Book Day, Heroes Day and Nature Day. We've also had funny socks day for something or other and Hat day.

Luckily for our themes I either already had dress up stuff that I could repurpose or they were fairly easy to make up but my child has autism and a dress up day involves a week of planning, discussing, practising wearing the outfit, tears, bad dreams and stress. The school would excuse her, absolutely, and she could wear her uniform (she's rigid in thinking if you go to school you wear your uniform) but then she'd be upset all day too because everyone else would be dressed up and she wouldn't. I've considered keeping her off too if I'm honest but we've always managed in the end.

We had one non school uniform day for Children in Need each year when I was at school. Bring back those days! All this fancy dress is so unnecessary and unfair to those who struggle with it, can't afford it, or don't have the time to sort it. I doubt most of the parents who buy costumes are trying to show off. Likely just busy working parents who don't have time to be faffing about crafting and creating things when they can buy one for £15 off Amazon.

Speak to the school. Dress up days are a pain in the arse. You already have to buy uniform and shoes etc and this is just one more hassle that you don't need.

YANBU I have a box full of cheap crappy costumes which is worn once then never again. It’s so so wasteful.

Are you sure you have to be a craft supermum?

I see plenty of the local kids going in for these in thoroughly home made get ups, often things that could be chucked together with a handful of safety pins & a bed sheet/ a cardboard box and some sellotape!

Lower your expectations a bit, it's just childrens dress up

To be honest, I get a bit fed up with the amount of non-uniform days too. But I don't think I've ever bought a costume especially for one. As others have said, I normally cobble something together from her existing wardrobe to fit the theme. Our school encourages this and often has a note about 'no need to buy anything new'.

Don't feel under pressure to buy something new each time just because some people do. And certainly don't keep your DD off school for this. Speak to the school if you think it's a real problem.

I hate dress up days. They are a massive pain in the bum and it often ends up costing more than you want. I’d be annoyed that your school has so many. Definitely talk to school about it. But I’d have kept her off today and told them why. I hate how they just assume that we all have endless craft resources, time and money.

@SpaceRaiders

YANBU I have a box full of cheap crappy costumes which is worn once then never again. It’s so so wasteful.

I do too. Luckily my younger one will get the wear out of the older ones dress up clothes and then my local playgroup where I sent my children will be getting a generous donation so at least I don't feel super wasteful they'll be worn until they fall apart there.

She was the only one in her year that wasn’t in a bought costume. I remember it like it was yesterday, I felt like a terrible mum, she felt singled out and humiliated.

what kind of school does she go to
I live in a so-called wealthy area, and no one is trying to keep up with the Joneses, and no child would ever feel "humiliated" because they haven't got an amazon costume.

For ancient Rome, one kid came with a white tshirt with a joke at the front, the answer at the back. Apparently my kids and everyone else were most impressed , no one noticed the shop bought costumes that some others were wearing.

YABU to keep her off school without talking to the teacher. How can things change (which I agree they need to) if the school isn't aware that this is an issue?

I’ve never bought a costume for school dress up days. I’m definitely not a crafty mum either. Just put something together from what we have.

YABU - you can always cobble together a costume. Use paper snd draw something on it if need be, or put out a Facebook request or send a note in to the teacher.

If you post what sort of costume then I'm sure you will get suggestions of a way to make something for free.

To be honest I wouldn’t want to talk to the school either.

It’s pretty rubbish you’re in this position

So you know there will be costume days. How much notice are you given? Ask the teacher what is coming up and spend some time planning. Maybe I’m just being grumpy, but some of the examples given here seem pretty easy to sort out.

Superhero day, come up with something other than than the marvel ones. Find out what your kid’s super powers would be if they got to choose them.

Farm Day… animals, equipment, farmers, The possibilities are endless even for the crafty challenged among us.

Victorian day, cobble together a street urchin costume. All it takes is some old clothes of theirs that you rough up and soot up their face with makeup.

In other words, yes you are being unreasonable and quite sad if you want the truth.

Totally understand how you are feeling op. The stress when dc had dressing up days was awful. Initially used to try making, but they'd stand out amongst all the shop bought. Just feel dressing up days/trips etc are so much pressure on families who are struggling financially.