It takes a village to raise a child?

[newmummy21]

Bear with me. I'm extremely sleep deprived and mentally and emotionally worn down.

How do you cope with a new baby when you have no "village"? Our baby is almost 3 months and we are on our knees. We have no family help - we are just an exhausted 2 man team. We speak to each other like we hate each other most days (not all... but it's a LOT). It's a constant game of oneupmanship - "I had less sleep than you" / "you had 5 minutes longer in the shower than I did"... etc.

I kid you not, yesterday I started an argument with him because he had a shower that lasted five minutes longer than mine, and this isn't "fair". 🙈

To listen to us most days, you'd think we were sworn enemies. Yet pre baby, we were the best of friends and very strong in our relationship. I am so sad about where this has gone and if it will ever come back. 😥

So my questions are - at what point do you stop wanting to kill each other after a baby? At what point do you get any semblance of your pre baby relationship back? And are we finding it harder because we have no village to help us? Or would most couples be like this post baby?

Thanks for any thoughts

@newmummy21

If I could I would edit the title to

"Not getting along with partner after baby - is this made harder when you have no support?"

If that helps people to understand where I'm coming from.

You can ask MNHQ to edit, OP — just report your own post and ask.

Haven't RTFT, but here goes. It is relentless, and hard going at the start. But it does improve.

I've always thought that the village thing to be the most stupid saying I've heard. On this site apparently the only person who can bring up a child is the mother, everyone else is interfering. It seems that some people want to play both sides against the middle.

"So my questions are - at what point do you stop wanting to kill each other after a baby? At what point do you get any semblance of your pre baby relationship back?"

Q1 : once they sleep better and need less input generally, age 4, I would say.

Q2: never sorry, that ship has sailed, you've both changed as people. Personally I prefer my relationship with dh now, it's deeper and more meaningful. But it will never go back to the carefree pre child days!