@newmummy21. The problem with babies, including DS who both DH and I would fight to the death for, is that they don't play by the rules. They don't care if you've not eaten, showered, been to the loo. If they want something they want it now. If they're awake, you should be too. In other words, this wonderful little being throws everything you've learned about structuring your lives against a very hard brick wall.
But it will get better. DH and I worked out a routine which worked for us. You and your DH need to work out yours.
Before I start I will say that my sisters were both working and lived 50 miles away. My mum was 78 years old when DS was born, his other gran had dementia and my DH's family live 600 plus miles away. We moved to a new town when DS was 5 months old. To add to it I had an emergency C-section, DS has congenital heart defect and I got an infection in the C-section! We survived however. None of that is to say 'we all have it tough' it's just to give you some background.
So our routine. I bottle fed, not through choice but DS wouldn't latch on and with everything else going on I gave up (there I've said it). That helped because it meant we could take things in turn. So DH would go and prepare the feed, I would check nappy and change if need be, get DS ready for feeding, DH would take over and I'd go back to bed. DH would feed in another room so I wasn't disturbed. Next feed, we'd turn about. The feeding always takes longer. Could you express for night feeds? Some manage it, others can't but it can be a solution.
Friday night I'd take over the lot and DH would sleep in the spare room so he'd have a rest. Saturday night I'd have the spare room and a lie in. I loved Saturdays...
I used to shower in the evening, when DH was home. I'd put our dinner on, DH would feed DS then give him his bath (their boys time - I only bathed DS half a dozen times in his babyhood). Then I'd go for a shower and wash my hair. That way I could get away with a wash if need be in the morning. I'd make a sandwich and put it in the fridge overnight in case I had a hard day with DS - at least I could eat!
When DS napped, I napped. We'd put laundry in the washing machine the night before and DH would switch it on before he headed for work. I'd haul it out as soon as I was up and it would get hung up throughout the day (if I was having a hard day with DS). That way I didn't have to run about cleaning whilst DS napped away my down time! Hoovering was done by one of us whilst the other gave DS his evening feed. Other cleaning we did between us at the weekend and ironing was done once DS was down in the evening unless I had time.
After a few months, having had the lie ins, the naps when DS napped, DH doing the bath so I could have get dinner ready in peace, DS began to get a routine. I felt better and could do ironing etc during the day. By then DS was our baby and we began to realise he had to learn to fit in rather than us being at his beck and call (until he became a teenager but that's another story!)
The point is, don't beat yourself up if everything isn't perfect. It will come back. These few months has our brain competing with itself. One part saying 'I must look after baby every second of the day' and the other half saying 'the house is a tip, I'm a mess, why can't I do this' all the time. Eventually your brain will start saying 'fine baby, I know your tired/hungry but you will just have to yell for a few minutes whilst I make a cup of tea/go to the loo'.
It's relearning your structure that's the key.