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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not invite step child to Disneyworld next year?

999 replies

Ohanaa · 12/07/2021 09:00

We have 1 DSC (13) and 2 DC together. (7&10)

We go away most years on some sort of holiday... Weekend U.K. break, abroad, U.K. theme parks etc. We Always invite DSC but they have never wanted to be away from their mum or their mum has said no.

We are looking to book 3 weeks in Florida & universal for next year.

Aibu not to invite DSC this time? I can see her mum saying yes and then saying no at the last moment (she had done this once before).

I don’t want to waste money to be honest.

Dsc is already going to Orlando next year for 5 days with her mum & nan.

OP posts:
tallduckandhandsome · 12/07/2021 09:40

@Oldbutstillgotit

Of course you must invite her !! A few years ago , DGS came home from his Dad’s very excited as his step siblings were talking about a trip to Florida and he - understandably- assumed he would be going. DD contacted her ex to be told no, it was only DC with new partner as she wanted a “ family “ holiday plus it would be too expensive. I offered to pay for DGS but no . He rarely sees his Dad now.
That's terrible, and I hope ex regrets it. But the situation is different here, OP would be happy for DSC to come.
Awrite · 12/07/2021 09:41

My dh's Mum took the 'blame' when, as a young teen, he didn't want to go to another continent to visit his father's family.

It still gets mentioned as fact by my in-laws.

Sometimes Mums cover for their kids.

PommieCheeks75 · 12/07/2021 09:41

This is so difficult, you’ll be the evil step mother if you don’t invite and loose a load of cash if you do and she bails, which sounds likely.
Could you book so that your trips overlap, she could have a few days with you and then join her mother when she arrives...?

tallduckandhandsome · 12/07/2021 09:42

Sometimes Mums cover for their kids.

Doesn't help OP when so much money is being spent on a holiday though.

PieceOfString · 12/07/2021 09:43

Wouldn't it be great if she went! How lovely it would be for DH to have all his children having happy times together.
You just need to think of a strategy that means the mum declined up front or sticks to the decision, being completely transparent with the DSC might help with that.

Peoniesandpeaches · 12/07/2021 09:43

@MissMissTorrance

Your 3 week jaunt certainly puts the mum's five day break away in the shadeHmm. If I was the mother I'd feel pretty peeved you were offering a better holiday tbh. I do think dsc needs to be included on the holiday though and I wouldn't stop her going if I was her mother and she wanted to.
So what the OP is only allowed to book a holiday if it’s worse than the one the mum has booked?
HasaDigaEebowai · 12/07/2021 09:43

How much would it cost, OP? For 3 weeks, it must be well over £1,000 when you add in flights etc.

Way more than that. For a family of five (3 adults because Dad is 13) to do three weeks at disney and universal with other parks too (OP says they're doing 12) then you're looking at over £15k.

Sisisimone · 12/07/2021 09:43

This may not make any difference but she doesn’t like rollercoasters
Our kids are shorties!

Well surely if they are younger your dd will be going on all the Disney rides with them not standing around for hours. There's only a couple of roller coasters at Disney and even those are tame. There's plenty of other fun stuff she can do there with your kids surely. It's not all roller coasters. I imagine in 3 weeks you'll be going to Animal kingdom, Discovery Cove, Epcot, Space centre etc etc

Nataliefrances123 · 12/07/2021 09:43

3 weeks is a long time to be away from her mum.
I personally wouldn't of wanted to go, she might not either.
Have a chat with the mum first and then the daughter. If she doesn't want to come give her spending money towards the holiday she is going on with her mum

Feelingoktoday · 12/07/2021 09:43

I don’t understand these questions. Two adults having a discussion about a holiday next year. Shall we invite all of our kids? No let’s leave one at home......who makes this decision?

PommieCheeks75 · 12/07/2021 09:44

@PommieCheeks75

This is so difficult, you’ll be the evil step mother if you don’t invite and loose a load of cash if you do and she bails, which sounds likely. Could you book so that your trips overlap, she could have a few days with you and then join her mother when she arrives...?
Ignore me, I didn’t realise the trips were at different times!
Maggiesfarm · 12/07/2021 09:45

Do ask her to come, have a good chat with her and her mother so they realise, barring accident or injury, if she says she will come, she really needs to stick to that. I hope that wouldn't make her feel pressurised but some sort of conversation needs to be had.

I hope you do end up taking her and all have a good time.

Nononsense2 · 12/07/2021 09:46

@Oldbutstillgotit

Of course you must invite her !! A few years ago , DGS came home from his Dad’s very excited as his step siblings were talking about a trip to Florida and he - understandably- assumed he would be going. DD contacted her ex to be told no, it was only DC with new partner as she wanted a “ family “ holiday plus it would be too expensive. I offered to pay for DGS but no . He rarely sees his Dad now.
That's heartbreaking. Poor child Sad
paperandfireworks · 12/07/2021 09:46

I'm sure someone has pointed out the irony that your username is ohana. "Ohana means family and family means no one gets left behind". Ironic.

LuxOlente · 12/07/2021 09:46

I didn't grow up a child of divorce, but I've met many adults who recall being left out of holidays because their parents preferred their 'new' children over the old ones.

HasaDigaEebowai · 12/07/2021 09:47

Ive just noticed your username OP. Is this thread a wind up or do you not know your disney references (and Hawaiian).

Ohana means family (even more ironically - it means extended family as in everyone is the same and included where they are blood or not)

SueSaid · 12/07/2021 09:47

You just have a full discussion with her and her dm saying you'd like her to come but there's too much money involved for her to back out at the last minute so she has to be sure she'd like to go.

Does she get on with her half siblings?

Lweji · 12/07/2021 09:47

If she's 14 or thereabouts next year and wants to go but her mum doesn't let her, I wouldn't want to be in her mum's shoes. Grin

Even if she's likely to say no, do invite her.
BTW, it's possible that previously she didn't feel comfortable going and her mum took the blame.
But a few years make a big difference. Don't assume next year will be the same as the previous.

FunMcCool · 12/07/2021 09:47

Invite her.

Lemonmelonsun · 12/07/2021 09:47

It's not just the cash, I'd be nervous taking her and her wanting to come home and the logistics, perhaps scared etc.

HasaDigaEebowai · 12/07/2021 09:47

Overlap with paperandfireworks!

LetItBe80 · 12/07/2021 09:48

Couple of issues at play here - the main issue being that you say DSC has never been on holiday with you before - out of her own choice or her mums. And anyone would accept that a 3 week trip to Florida with parks in school holidays is an expensive trip. So any financial loss would not be insignificant should she choose/be disinclined to join you - particularly at the last minute. On the basis of ‘previous experience/patterns of behaviour’ you would be within your rights to not invite her along. I’m not sure that you would be getting the amount of flak on here if it were 3 weeks camping in Rhyl and chose to not invite her.

Other issue (applicable to whether DC or DSC) is the age differences - a 13 year old’s wishes/wants for a Disney/Florida/Universal trip are usually very different to the wishes/wants of a 7 year old. Which would then probably mean splitting the group up to keep everyone happy.

As you say her mum is taking her to Florida so she isn’t ‘missing out’.

Myannoyingbrain · 12/07/2021 09:49

Speak to the mum first, if she says yes then ask the step children. You can't not ask, that would be something that would stay with those kids forever if you didn't offer them the chance too.

DancesWithTortoises · 12/07/2021 09:49

The first wives' club is out in force today.

Given the history it would be foolish to invite her. Ignore the emotional blackmail from some posters. It's your money.

Haiyaa · 12/07/2021 09:50

I think you should reconsider your username. Sounds like Ohana - in Disney’s Lilo and Stitch “Ohana means family, nobody gets left behind”.

Disney World only has a handful of rollercoasters, mostly family friendly rides and shows so that excuse doesn’t fly.

Seriously you could at least offer and have a proper discussion with “D”SD and her mum. Seems to me it is “your” money and you don’t think enough of her to part with it. Ick.