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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not invite step child to Disneyworld next year?

999 replies

Ohanaa · 12/07/2021 09:00

We have 1 DSC (13) and 2 DC together. (7&10)

We go away most years on some sort of holiday... Weekend U.K. break, abroad, U.K. theme parks etc. We Always invite DSC but they have never wanted to be away from their mum or their mum has said no.

We are looking to book 3 weeks in Florida & universal for next year.

Aibu not to invite DSC this time? I can see her mum saying yes and then saying no at the last moment (she had done this once before).

I don’t want to waste money to be honest.

Dsc is already going to Orlando next year for 5 days with her mum & nan.

OP posts:
HasaDigaEebowai · 12/07/2021 09:34

Overlap - that's your solution. Bibbidi bobbidi boo! You're welcome.

Original poster
Ohanaa · 12/07/2021 09:34

This may not make any difference but she doesn’t like rollercoasters hence her mum and nan only going to universal as they do the water park and the Harry Potter bits only.
Both our kids do like rides so there would be a lot of waiting around while we went on rides for her.

OP posts:
Sisisimone · 12/07/2021 09:34

If she’s unsure you could then give her the option of money to take on her trip with her Mum instead
That's a really nice idea

Muchasgracias · 12/07/2021 09:34

What did your DH say to DSD and his ex wife the last time she changed her mind at the last minute? Because I would refer back to that conversation with DSD - surely given that she is 13, your DH had a frank conversation with her about money, responsibility, letting others down etc…she is old enough to understand that she can change her mind if she wants but that she needs to accept the future consequences of that.

She needs to be invited and so if you didn’t have that conversation, then I’d be considering staying closer to home for this next trip and planning Disney for the next one,, knowing there is now a chance to manage the situation and communicate clearly with her about her choices and the impact they have on others.

tallduckandhandsome · 12/07/2021 09:34

@Atalune

You have to invite.

Take out extra insurance to cover the loss or ask mum to stump up deposit which you will repay on arrival at Disney.

I think it sends a really horrible exclusive message to the child. Don’t do it. Sad

Insurance doesn't cover a change of mind.
Handsoffstrikesagain · 12/07/2021 09:35

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

HasaDigaEebowai · 12/07/2021 09:35

Harry potter is all roller coasters. Universal is far more roller coaster than disney

GintyMcGinty · 12/07/2021 09:35

You have to invite her.

PieceOfString · 12/07/2021 09:35

Could you arrange to speak to the mum and DSC together face to face, discuss you want to invite but are concerned about last minute cancellations due to previous and cost involved. This tells DSC you want to invite and makes it harder for the mum to mess you about for no good reason.

Nononsense2 · 12/07/2021 09:35

Going with siblings would be more fun than going with Mum and gran. She should be considered part of the family and make memories together with you all.

tallduckandhandsome · 12/07/2021 09:36

@Sisisimone

If she’s unsure you could then give her the option of money to take on her trip with her Mum instead That's a really nice idea
Surely it would be better for Dad to DSC for a one to one holiday, given ex's fickle behaviour in saying yes and then saying no at the last minute?
FeatheredHope · 12/07/2021 09:36

What is it about step mums on MN being obsessed with Going to Disney and leaving their step children out? This seems to come up so frequently...

Original poster
Ohanaa · 12/07/2021 09:36

@Sisisimone Our timing isn’t to do with outshining her mum. She’s already been to Orlando once 3 years ago with her mum.
We want to go as we feel our kids are now old enough and tall enough to ride most of the rides. Our kids are shorties!

OP posts:
TalkingOutYerArse · 12/07/2021 09:36

@OllyBJolly

OP, if this was the about the cost, I'd tell you to head over to www.thedibb.co.uk and find ways to book that would make it much more flexible and value for money. We took 11 family members to Disney and chopped and changed up until the last minute. The changes cost us £200.

But it's not about the cost, is it? You don't want her to come because you want to play happy families with her dad and your "real" children. Poor child.

Get a grip. It's pretty obvious what the issues at play are and this is not it.
MrsSkylerWhite · 12/07/2021 09:36

Of course you must include her.

Blondeshavemorefun · 12/07/2021 09:37

You have to invite. He’s her child

But make clear that she can’t cancel at last minute

3w is a long time for a child to be away from main parent

Original poster
Ohanaa · 12/07/2021 09:38

@HasaDigaEebowai Iv never been so wouldn’t know the extent of rollercoasters in the Harry Potter part. She’s a Harry Potter fan though so I presume that’s why they went.

OP posts:
Lemonmelonsun · 12/07/2021 09:38

Why not ask her, hope she says no (I only say that knowing she's going to Orlando anyway), then give her money to boost her holiday with mum.. Really lovely idea. Perhaps offer it... Straight up

Unless it's the kind of situation where that won't be enough. Usually I'd say absolutely push for her to go but she's going anyway!

Redwinestillfine · 12/07/2021 09:39

Sounds like you have alreadyafe the decision and are trying very hard to justify it. You need to not see it as money wasted but just the coat of the trip. Factor it in and if she cancels it's just collateral sage. No relationship is worth scuppering over cash. If you can't afford to loose the money save up for another year and take them all next year I stead when in you can.

Iwonder08 · 12/07/2021 09:39

You need to have a face to face meeting with your DH, DSC and her mother. Give them a detailed overview of the agenda, I. E. Multiple parks, roller coasters, 3 weeks etc. Tell them the cancellation is not possible. Ensure DSC they are welcome, but you under 3 weeks is a long time and you need to know the answer now. Propose alternative like giving them extra money for their trip to Orlando universal.

Lemonmelonsun · 12/07/2021 09:39

Yes 3 weeks could cause problems it's a very long way from the home.

Melitza · 12/07/2021 09:39

@Oldbutstillgotit. That’s awful.
How can anyone do that to a child, their own child!

tallduckandhandsome · 12/07/2021 09:39

@FeatheredHope

What is it about step mums on MN being obsessed with Going to Disney and leaving their step children out? This seems to come up so frequently...
I don't think OP wants to leave DSC out, she is just undreastandably worried about losing so much money if they say no at the last minure. How much would it cost, OP? For 3 weeks, it must be well over £1,000 when you add in flights etc.
SpeakingFranglais · 12/07/2021 09:40

Of course you invite her, it’s appalling to try to get out of it. I do agree with the PP though that the money comes from maintenance if she flakes out.

Your DH needs to have a Mature conversation with his ex and his daughter to discuss and follow it up in writing.

Personally I dont think you want the extra expense of a Third child for a three week holiday!

HasaDigaEebowai · 12/07/2021 09:40

OP you clearly don't want her to go. If your dc are 10 and 7 and the 7 YO is short then they're not going to be able to go on all the roller coasters anyway.