To not invite step child to Disneyworld next year?

[Ohanaa]

We have 1 DSC (13) and 2 DC together. (7&10)

We go away most years on some sort of holiday... Weekend U.K. break, abroad, U.K. theme parks etc. We Always invite DSC but they have never wanted to be away from their mum or their mum has said no.

We are looking to book 3 weeks in Florida & universal for next year.

Aibu not to invite DSC this time? I can see her mum saying yes and then saying no at the last moment (she had done this once before).

I don’t want to waste money to be honest.

Dsc is already going to Orlando next year for 5 days with her mum & nan.

She also said that the child could refuse either.

You can’t not invite her; how awful of you.

What a dreadful father the girl has.

Astounds me why you would marry someone with kids to exclude them in this way. Honestly they should sell special little boxes to keep stepchildren in so they don’t ruin the lovely new family life.

As she is 13 and not 3 years old, surely you can speak to her openly and explain that this is a very expensive trip and if she agrees to come she needs to be aware that refusing at the last minute will mean losing a lot of money.

Yes you have to invite them.

If you are sure that the mother will cancel at the last minute, you don't have to book the ticket for that child now. Leave it until the last minute and hope for the best, you can always claim Covid and cancel it for everyone if for some reason the mother doesn't pull them out at the last second.

Or you could just pay for the ticket like any decent person would in your circumstances and swallow the loss if it occurs.

@ivfgottwins thanks. I didn’t know that. Iv changed all ages slightly anyway already.

Can anyone link the thread from last week? Il read that one. I didn’t know one was made last week.

I never comment on threads about step children as I don’t have any myself so not sure if I can really provide advice. However even I can see that this is a horrible idea - presumably this would be a once in a lifetime trip and you want to exclude a child from it?! What kind of message would that send?!

Has she no bond with her father to feel comfortable going away with him? The age gaps between your dc are short where you on the scene a short amount of time? Just wondering why a child would feel comfortable going away.

You aren’t covering the cost of the trip then, your family member is. So that means you can probably afford her ticket. And no it won’t cost ‘thousands’ to add a single child to the booking. At most you will lose the cost of her flight + the disney ticket, which if you aren’t paying for the booking anyway, you guys can afford to lose.

Of course you invite!

We’re going next year (🤞🏻) and are taking all the children, including dsc’s little sister who is not my DH child. Couldn’t leave anyone out!

@2ndtimemum2

I don’t think we can take the money from her child maintenance if she doesn’t come last minute because of her mum.

We already have a court order for contact. It doesn’t cover holidays though.

You don't "lose" any money if she doesn't go at the last minute, the trip costs the same and less once you are there.

It only feels like you lose money, but you don't.

How would it be thousands of pounds for one 13 year old? Is she having her own suite?!

Surely it's the cost of one flight? You can hold off on the park ticket until closer to the date.

Of course, you invite her. Your DH has 3 DCs. Your DCs have a sister. You can't exclude one of them.

Your DH should talk to her mum first.
Start it about contact arrangements, tell her the dates you are thinking and that you'll be doing a three week long haul holiday.
See what her view is (without the emotive Disneyland idea thrown in).
Presumably this is school holidays? It's a big chunk to take. Depending on her work situation that could mean she can't take a holiday with her daughter.
Personally, I think 3 weeks away given what else you've said is probably too much and I understand your concerns.
But you need to approach it well so she understands it isn't just that she isn't as important.
She is going to Orlando. Could you perhaps pay for something there she really wants to do if she doesn't come?

@Ozanj well I am Covering the cost of the trip as the money is mine. It’s already been given to me.

We plan to go to 12 parks so that’s nearly a thousand pounds in tickets alone. So it will be thousands and not hundreds.

To be fair most Disney holidays are booked as packages and it is thousands per person. A 13 year old is an adult on Disney pricing.

DH can pay for her if he wants her to go. And maybe agree it with DSC's mum before booking and get it put in writing that if mum stops her going without a good reason eg medical, death in the family then it gets deducted from maintenance .

She's old enough to have it laid out for her.

• we are going to Disney and would love for you to come with us
• we will be booking in the next 4 weeks
• your place costs thousands of pounds so if you agree to come then you are coming
• your mother doesn't get a say in this, it's a decision for you

I wouldn't not invite her on the basis that she didn't want to go camping in Cornwall last year, but at the same time wasting thousands of pounds is alot of "just swallow" for most people I know
Such a tricky one. If the child wants to join you and the mother is difficult about it, I would absolutely not be doing the whole "talk positively of the other parent" piece. I wouldn't slate her but absolutely let her deal with the heat from a raging, disappointed teenager.

PLus 5 rather than 4 makes a big difference to accommodation at disney

Normally yes she should be invited. I think the fact she’s going with her mum lets you off the hook this time.
Evens the playing field.

Yabu!

You can’t leave out your child’s sibling.

I’ve been the stepdaughter who doesn’t get invited to Disney and it hurts.
If she doesn’t want to go, that’s fine. But the offer should be there.

[quote Ohanaa]@Ozanj well I am Covering the cost of the trip as the money is mine. It’s already been given to me.

We plan to go to 12 parks so that’s nearly a thousand pounds in tickets alone. So it will be thousands and not hundreds.[/quote]
It’s a gift. You didn’t earn that money: so You guys can use savings to pay for her. Like a previous person said - just pay for flights for now, you can buy park tickets later for her.

@Twoforthree

Normally yes she should be invited. I think the fact she’s going with her mum lets you off the hook this time. Evens the playing field.

That's a good point. Maybe DH could provide her with a bit of spending money for that holiday instead?

@MustStopSnacking28

I never comment on threads about step children as I don’t have any myself so not sure if I can really provide advice. However even I can see that this is a horrible idea - presumably this would be a once in a lifetime trip and you want to exclude a child from it?! What kind of message would that send?!

Hardly a once in a lifetime trip when the SD is going there next year anyway.