To be scunnered by the state of my lovely new house

[Anythingelseintheboxpandora]

Jesus fucking Christ. Is this normal?!

Two girls - 6 and 4. Moved into a brand new new build not six months ago. It was perfect. We decluttered, they have a huge playroom, ample space etc.

It’s a fucking pigsty now. Toys everywhere. Not a square inch on the floor. They do nothing. They just drag everything out. They put nothing away. Six year old flings herself to the floor in dramatic tears if I have the temerity to ask her to put her barbies away.

And it’s the mixing of toys too. Sylvanian family house full of Lego and barbie shoes. Jenga blocks in the Lego.

I have just flipped my lid. Still no one is tidying. I tidy one room while they trash another.

I’m just…gaaaah!

This might sound really obvious but could you put away half the toys - or more of they have loads - in the garage and then bring them out in big boxes on rotation (the idea being fewer toys, less mess potential!)

I feel for you. We moved from a smaller house to a house we thought was enormous - 5 beds, a full sized snooker room (that we use as a big playroom), 2 living rooms...etc...and the toddler has done a good job at creating chaos. I think the smaller house was easier to keep tidy as the mess just spreads here.

what are the consequences of not tidying up?

It sounds like they have too much out at once. Do you have a loft or shed? Put half of it away and rotate once a month or so.

Put a load of it away, big storage tubs for each set and only 2 tubs out per day. they will get more use out of each item.

They are 6 and 4. It's up to you to parent. If they wont tidy up room 1, they don't get to play in room 2. Ignore the dramatics. Retreat your instruction, calmly, then ignore. Repeat repeat repeat. No more toys out until these are put away. No Sylvanian until Lego is put away. And for god's sake mean it.

Stating the obvious but kids don't just tidy up when you ask. What are the consequences of them not doing it? Have you got too many toys accessible? Once you tell them to tidy up do you monitor them doing it? Do you make them tidy up before they get the next thing out? Honestly if you don't make sure you have a grip on it now you'll be like this for the next 10 years. Sorry there is no good news there but once they know you're serious they do it. Every time.

Sounds as if they have far too many toys. Why buy so many...

I'd put the barbies in a bin bag and chuck them in the loft or garage and she could scream all she wanted. She would get them back when she could put them away when asked or she doesn't get them.

I'm in the process of going through all my dd toys. She's finally agreed to sell her peppa pig toys after a lot of persuading she is 9 after all ! Then there are boxes and boxes of stuff ! Tiny little toys, clothes, Barbie shoes, furniture aagggh I feel your pain !!

Honestly other than this issue they are genuinely very well behaved. I don’t really need consequences for anything else generally, it’s just this issue. I’ll say to them come on let’s tidy up together and they’ll start to do it with me and then just sit and play. I also find if I tell them they can’t take something out until the other thing is away they either completely ignore me or (from the six year old) I get an almighty tantrum.

I’ll be honest I don’t really know what to do. I am aware that I need to be harder and I’m going to need to deal with this but to be honest I don’t really know how. I work full time. I’m trying to keep all the plates spinning. I feel like I am always rushed and it’s easier to just do it.

I do like the idea of taking some of the stuff away and rotating it.

There needs to be consequences for refusing to tidy

Sounds as if they have too much and you are tidying while they are there which is always problematic. Put half away when they are out for a walk. I would also be working on them putting away their own toys.

So they know they get out of something if they throw a tantrum

Parenting is hard sometimes

Does it matter if the Sylvanian house is full of lego?

Bin bags and a very firm stance from you. Do not be swayed by tears and tantrums. Say no, return it to the place it’s meant to be or get rid.
Parent don’t be their friend. Other wise this is the rest of your life.

' OK girls the barbies need to be tidied away before anything else can happen so can you please do that now'

If the answer is no or ignoring you

'Girls, if the barbies haven't been tidied away by the time the big hand is on the XXX then I will bag up all the barbies and take them away until I decide you have earned them back'

Then follow through on it.

Repeat for each type of toy you want tidied up and be consistent.

They'll start tidying up when asked to eventually if they believe that you mean it when you ask them to do it. At the minute you ask, they whine, then you do the tidying so all they've learnt is that if they whine then they won't have to tidy.

I can't vote. This isn't about children not doing the right thing and messing to your nice house. You have to take control and teach them.

Far too many toys. Pack two thirds away and put them in the loft and get them out later on. I always used to do this with ds so he didn't get bored with toys and we weren't over run with them.

Tbh they're 6 and 4 I don't think you can rope them into a massive clear up as they won't be much help but moving forward get some wicker baskets and at the end of the day toys get scooped into the basket then you can sort them out later if necessary.

Have a look at minimal mom on youtube. It's an eye opener.

I know. I know they aren’t doing the wrong thing. I’m just frustrated as fuck because I don’t have any time or space to do fucking anything.

As other posts - buy some (ideally stackable) storage boxes. We use plastic recycling bins - £30 for 4 with flip colour coded lids from Amazon…. Various sizes… we also got 5 smaller ones… sort the toys into ‘themes’ and then keep the boxes somewhere inaccessible (garage/shed/spare room etc) and only bring each box out on rotation and when they have tidied away the toys (having robust big boxes makes this a lot easier for them). We did this in January with our 3 year old and by repeating that he can’t have lego/tiles/cars etc out until he has cleared away the ones that are out eventually worked. After 3-4 months of this repetition he now tells us he has tidied away and asks for another box. It might sound a bit militant but it makes for understanding responsibility/tidying away after himself…. And a tidier house! Good luck x

If they won't tidy the barbies, take the barbies away. And repeat with everything else. Don't give in to tears and tantrums.

If my six year old refuses to tidy I take a bin bag up and tell her to say goodbye to her shit coz it’s gooooone. She tidied up pretty quickly!

I'm not a parent yet so no idea if this will work at home but in the nursery and reception classes I have taught less is definitely more. We have smaller baskets out on shelves, all labelled up with photos of what goes in each one with another label on the shelf for where the basket goes, 6 max for each type of toy. So for instance Duplo I sort into 4 studs/8 studs/odd shapes/flat pieces/animals/people. We do have to teach how to tidy up and it takes all year but worth it in the end. Consequences for not tidying is that they don't get to play in that area for the rest of the day. At home you could do that set of toys gets put away, put in one big box then if they want it out they have to sort it first? As I said no idea if this will work as I am aware what children will do for their teacher and what they will do at home are two very different things

I’m just frustrated as fuck because I don’t have any time or space to do fucking anything

Crack on and make a start then, it won't do itself Then starting tomorrow implement the kids tidying before bed

Sounds silly but do they know how to tidy? I used to have to say "ok, put the Barbie's in the house.. .. now the Lego in the box. ..now x thing in x place" until they were a little older than that.