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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be scunnered by the state of my lovely new house

213 replies

Anythingelseintheboxpandora · 11/07/2021 17:14

Jesus fucking Christ. Is this normal?!

Two girls - 6 and 4. Moved into a brand new new build not six months ago. It was perfect. We decluttered, they have a huge playroom, ample space etc.

It’s a fucking pigsty now. Toys everywhere. Not a square inch on the floor. They do nothing. They just drag everything out. They put nothing away. Six year old flings herself to the floor in dramatic tears if I have the temerity to ask her to put her barbies away.

And it’s the mixing of toys too. Sylvanian family house full of Lego and barbie shoes. Jenga blocks in the Lego.

I have just flipped my lid. Still no one is tidying. I tidy one room while they trash another.

I’m just…gaaaah!

OP posts:
Twiglets1 · 11/07/2021 19:12

My house was always a pigsty when my kids were little. Now I get my own back on my daughter who keeps a pristine flat by kicking my shoes off in her living room and never washing a mug or glass when I can just get a fresh one from her cupboard

FabulouslyFab · 11/07/2021 19:15

@pickingdaisies

They are 6 and 4. It's up to you to parent. If they wont tidy up room 1, they don't get to play in room 2. Ignore the dramatics. Retreat your instruction, calmly, then ignore. Repeat repeat repeat. No more toys out until these are put away. No Sylvanian until Lego is put away. And for god's sake mean it.
Exactly this!!
Dementedswan · 11/07/2021 19:15

When mine were 3 we had those clear plastic boxes with pictures of trains, cars whatever on front and at the end of the day they had to tidy up for tea and pud. The picture boxes helped. At 6 labeled boxes should be easy enough. That would drive me up the wall op. Mine are 11 and 9 now. Dh hss taken over the toy room since wfh due to covid and the kids are tidier than him.

TatianaBis · 11/07/2021 19:16

If you want them to put stuff away you have to train them to do so from the get go.

If they don’t put stuff away they can’t get more stuff out. The stuff that gets left out gets taken away. Any tantrum just ignore or take away the stuff they’re refusing to put away.

You do need to have good storage as others have said.

If you train kids to put stuff away automatically they continue to do it when they’re older.

highlandcoo · 11/07/2021 19:16

@MagicSummer

What does 'scunnered' mean?
it's Scottish for completely fed up
highlandcoo · 11/07/2021 19:17

although the context could be a clue!

PinkiOcelot · 11/07/2021 19:20

I would be telling them not to worry, you’ll tidy them up. In to black bin bags then straight in to the bin!!

They’re old enough to tidy up after themselves.

Noterook · 11/07/2021 19:20

When I was younger my parents had a rule that anything I didn't tidy away would be popped into the attic for a week. It worked, nothing ever made its way into the attic as I tidied. I also agree that perhaps there's too much out, rotating toys is good. I have an IKEA unit with drawers and they're the only toys at that time.

TheMoth · 11/07/2021 19:23

But what is they're in the middle of a game? I used to have long, complex games involving several types of toys. Once the game finished, it'd be put away.

There were many bin bag moments though. Not that she ever actually binned them.

GetTaeFuck · 11/07/2021 19:24

Tidy the toys away is too overwhelming.

Tidy the LEGO.
Tidy the Play Doh.

Etc etc.

Whilst showing them how to do it.

Get boxes and label them with photos of the toy that belongs inside.

MyrrAgain · 11/07/2021 19:31

I had this with the mixing up of toys - so I had to stop buying things with little pieces. Even jigsaws/puzzles and those orchard games cause at that age they get them all out, all the pieces over the floor then it takes 2 hours to nag then into tidying.

Most gone to charity. The only things with little pieces are lego, Duplo and train tracks/trains. In separate boxes. Then all other toys in another box.
I threaten if I have to tidy it up it's going in the bin. I'm not spending 10 years picking up little pieces of lego every day

Snowpatrolling · 11/07/2021 19:35

@SheABitSpicyToday

If my six year old refuses to tidy I take a bin bag up and tell her to say goodbye to her shit coz it’s gooooone. She tidied up pretty quickly!
I do exactly this. After weeks of begging pleading, bribing and threatening, I had enough, I gave them 1 hour to tidy their shut, anything left on the floor would go in a bin liner and taken to charity/disposed of. They laughed. Said I wouldn’t do it, I did!! Always tidy up pretty much anything since!!!
Happyhappyday · 11/07/2021 19:38

Seriously just put away 2/3 of the toys and give away anything that isn’t played with regularly without asking. We try and get all of DDs things free or borrowed so we don’t feel bad at all moving them right along. We regularly ask her nanny what we can get rid of.

Totally agree in the short term to just do it, but in the long term it will be WAY WAY WAAAAAAYYY more work. You just have to keep being firm.

Georgyporky · 11/07/2021 19:39

As a F/T worker & single Mum, I told my DS to tidy up or I would throw things away.
Only had to do it once (toys were hidden) It worked.

Simbacatisback · 11/07/2021 19:42

The mantra of the early years teacher

Choose it, use it, put it away

UndertheCedartree · 11/07/2021 19:45

@lollipoprainbow - oh I feel your pain! My 9yo DD is the same. She will cling to the flipping My little Ponies that haven't been played with in a year, looks at me with horror if I suggest a couple of random cuddly toys out of hundreds go to the charity shop and God forbid the dressing up outfits that don't even fit her anymore are decluttered!

ineedaholidaynow · 11/07/2021 19:49

If they have a playroom, everything can go in there or their rooms. DS had games with his toys that lasted days/weeks, but they had to be located in places that didn't get in our way

SusieQ5604 · 11/07/2021 19:54

Why are you putting up with this? Give them a timer and if the room isn't tidied up and the toys. Or put away, start loading them up in boxes to take away. They can have them back or part of them back when they actually clean up or agree to. Take out half first, then do this and see if they clean up remaining half of toys.

SpaceRaiders · 11/07/2021 19:55

Mine were the same at that age and still are to a certain extent at 9 & 7. I lost my shit far too many times, when we talked it through my eldest said to me something along the lies of, “this is our space for playing, why does it need to always be tidy?” it was only then it dawned on me that I was expecting them to subscribe to my idea of tidy, which at their ages they just didn’t value. Whilst the rest of the house is tidy I’ve stopped expecting their spaces to be, Lego creations litter the floor. They have fairy houses in corners and cardboard box creations in there too. Overall I buy less plastic tat and leave their spaces to them to figure out. If they can’t find X, I suggest to them they might find it if their playroom was less messy. Often it forces them to tidy, sometimes it doesn’t. Either way I refuse to loose sleep over it.

sotiredofthislonelylife · 11/07/2021 19:58

@MagicSummer

What does 'scunnered' mean?
Scuppered?
MrsOvertonsWindow · 11/07/2021 20:05

Op - the tantrum is to divert you. And it's obviously working.
They've learnt that when you ask them to do something, if they have a tantrum, you'll react to that instead. Use the technique broken record :
"I've asked you to tidy away your toys - get on with it and when it's done then we'll..... (have a drink, go for a walk, read a book or whatever suits).
Ignore the tantrum, just repeat your instruction. And repeat. And repeat. Ignore all diversions until it's done.

Tantrums are designed to distract the adult into discussing the tantrum - and not their original request.

Do try it.

watingroom2 · 11/07/2021 20:14

You NEED tidying consequences - because they are not pulling their weight!

I advocate teaching 'mental load' tidying.. explicitly stand and tell the children how to tidy and explain you can't help because you are doing the mental load -

They soon realise that if they are looking for and finding work to do - you will help - rather than direct.

justasking111 · 11/07/2021 20:27

@LetItBe80

As other posts - buy some (ideally stackable) storage boxes. We use plastic recycling bins - £30 for 4 with flip colour coded lids from Amazon…. Various sizes… we also got 5 smaller ones… sort the toys into ‘themes’ and then keep the boxes somewhere inaccessible (garage/shed/spare room etc) and only bring each box out on rotation and when they have tidied away the toys (having robust big boxes makes this a lot easier for them). We did this in January with our 3 year old and by repeating that he can’t have lego/tiles/cars etc out until he has cleared away the ones that are out eventually worked. After 3-4 months of this repetition he now tells us he has tidied away and asks for another box. It might sound a bit militant but it makes for understanding responsibility/tidying away after himself…. And a tidier house! Good luck x
This really works, children get over with choices at this age. It's what they do at nurseries and playgroup
Nettleskeins · 11/07/2021 20:29

You need to reduce the amount of toys in the playroom. Rotate half every six months. It is the only way they will be able to achieve the sorting and tidying you are after. Give them a small simple amount of stuff to tidy not a massive project management role...

Nettleskeins · 11/07/2021 20:33

It is also their house too, and YOU bought the toys. It is not a punishment to reduce the number of toys temporarily, no need for threats. Imagine if you had to think up a different recipe for every night of the week...soon you would just revert to favourites...it is the same with kids and toys...too much choice and they end up not really playing just chucking stuff everywhere cos it is too much to cope with.