To be scunnered by the state of my lovely new house

[Anythingelseintheboxpandora]

Jesus fucking Christ. Is this normal?!

Two girls - 6 and 4. Moved into a brand new new build not six months ago. It was perfect. We decluttered, they have a huge playroom, ample space etc.

It’s a fucking pigsty now. Toys everywhere. Not a square inch on the floor. They do nothing. They just drag everything out. They put nothing away. Six year old flings herself to the floor in dramatic tears if I have the temerity to ask her to put her barbies away.

And it’s the mixing of toys too. Sylvanian family house full of Lego and barbie shoes. Jenga blocks in the Lego.

I have just flipped my lid. Still no one is tidying. I tidy one room while they trash another.

I’m just…gaaaah!

They are still very little.
Mine were the same but outgrew it (eventually).

@DanceFortheSummer

I tried to rotate my 7 year olds toys and she annoyed me even more whinging for toys on the other rotation.

I ended up getting a trofast stacking unit and sorting toys into themes. I get each box out each night and set a timer, she has to put all the toys for that theme in the box before the timer runs out. If she beats all the timers she gets a small reward; bag of mini haribo, a lolly, a mini milkway etc.

Works for us.

food is a terrible reward.

Same. Except we’ve lived in our lovely new build five years now and it’s basically been wrecked.

Also: if they have too much, consider paring it down and hiding it, then rotating. Don't throw things away - it can be very upsetting if they find a favourite is gone.

I don't recommend "I will throw it away" as a threat. One, again it's very upsetting for the child to lose favourites, or to even live with the threat of losing favourites. And two, if you follow through it's a huge waste of money. And if you don't follow through, all the shouting and tears was for nothing. So don't bother using this - it's lose lose all round.

@BillyShears

Same. Except we’ve lived in our lovely new build five years now and it’s basically been wrecked.

How have they 'wrecked' it by leaving toys out? If they've caused physical damage that's a bit odd.

They're too young to tidy such a huge muddle without very structured guidance - its simply too overwhelming. That's why good childcare and early years providers don't have an overwhelming array of toys and materials out at once/ only allow children to choose one game or a small number of toys at a time, then put them back before selecting something else.

On the other hand "mixing worlds" as in the barbies and Sylvanian families together can be a positive and healthy developmental sign (if its a deliberate imaginative game not an attempt to tidy up!).

If you want to keep everything out / accessible you need to supervise taking out and putting away, which is time intensive. Or supervise tidying (you have to break it right down into manageable chunks - first pick up books, only books, nothing else, and put them on the shelf, then lego - only Lego etc with lots of breaks going into a different room for a bit, lots of praise, and be very calm and patient - very time intensive).

Its certainly much easier to put most of the toys away in the garage/ attic/ under your bed, and rotate them every two weeks - maybe give away things you notice they don't actually play with.

That's not a punishment, its just a strategy. Too much is too overwhelming at 4 and 6. They aren't developmentally capable of breaking the task of tidying up a huge muddled mess into the appropriate steps.

Gosh, your post really took me back. The sheer desperation at toys everywhere and things mixed with the wrong "other things". My kids had a huge play room as well. I bought shelves from Ikea, with wicker baskets, and tried to have a system, like "dolls" "cars" "board games"....it was helpful but everything still got mixed up. I remember one night, we invited 3 other couples and their kids over for dinner and play. 7 kids played in the playroom, whilst I made dinner for everyone, and served the adults a nice meal at the table. None of the adults helped me, and by the time I finally sat down after clearing all the plates away etc, it was about 11pm, and everyone announced the night was over and they left. So, no relaxation for me. Then, after they had gone, I looked in to the play room, and every single basket had been turned out on to the floor, and I almost cried.

Anyway, all I can say, is that it gets easier when they get older and switch from toys to gadgets. I can remember doing my last ever shop in Toys R Us, and thinking, thank goodness for that!

Mine are similar ages, and very lazier tidiers too. I forgot to ask them to tidy the other night and came down after bedtime and it was like toy-Glastonbury field.

We sometimes put a silly song on YouTube and I tell them to tidy it all before it finishes - that works well sometimes.

I really recognise some of your feeling here...mainly the frustration . I think some of the suggestions here are good... I definitely couldn't do the rotation of toys thing, I'm impressed by any parent that has the time or inclination to do that!!

We have storage things.... large pigeon holes with pull out baskets in, I've labelled them/pictures very simply.
Lego
Dolls
Art etc
My two dd's are six and four, six year old is an emotional nightmare whenever she's asked to tidy, I am very hard with her, as my other two are good and understand that chores are boring but we have to do them.
I ignore her when she tantrums, and make sure to reward the other two when they help me. I also use the 'anything on the floor in10 mins goes in the bin' I haven't had to follow through with that often at all but she's the most stubborn child so I've had to once or twice.... I hide it in the garage and if she never asked for it again I do give it away... it seems to have worked so far, good way to declutter too. Best of luck!

Why are you allowing so many toys outcast once. That's your problem in front of you.
1 game out at a time. Or 1 box of Lego.if thet ask for more it's not up for discussion. You ask them do they want this toy or that game.
Also it doesnt matter if they are well behaved the rest if the time they are not well behaved over this issue.
I would have a final sort our session , but the game pieces in the right box and then reset and start again with the one game rule.

6 isn't too young though.

Would she do that at school and throw a screaming tantrum with her teacher for being told to pick something up or put something away.

She gets it and is capable she just doesn't want to.

Honestly, I find it hard to believe that your kids are good kids and yet they have no consequences for actions.

Consequences are what makes kids (or even pets) do what you ask. If they do something you ask they get a reward, which might be a smile and a thank you or a sticker on the wall chart based on their behaviour over the day etc. If they don’t do what you ask they get a negative consequence like a time out, lose 15mins of game time, get a marble removed from their marble jar etc.

So perhaps you’re confusing their sweet natures with being well behaved kids. Do they really do what they are told most of the time? Do you find yourself repeating things three or four times before they finally do them or you end up doing whatever it is as you’ve given up on them doing it?

CrouchEndTiger12 6 is too young to know where to start with the jumbled carnage of far too much mixed up stuff all over the floor - its overwhelming the adult OP let alone a 6 year old. Her teacher at school wouldn't let it get to that point because two children don't have free reign to pull out Barbies and Sylvanian families and lego and Jenga and whatever else all at once - imagine the state of a classroom with 30 children if they did!

A lot of good advice on here. I would summarise as:

1. Put some stuff in storage.
2. Buy a load of boxes with lids for different toys (Lego, Barbies, etc). Ideally lids that only YOU can open, or at least can be somehow locked or put on a high shelf.
3. Golden rule is only one box out at a time per child. When child wants to move on to next toy, first toy must be put away.
4. Any tantrums, ignore, walk away or naughty corner, however you usually deal with that.
5. At the end of the day it's tidy up time, followed by a treat, eg, watching TV. The sooner they finish the more TV they get.

You can do this!

Tidying needs to be 'easy', as in boxes/tubs to put things away in.

If tidying isn't done at the end of the day and you have to do it, then those items disappear for 3 days. Happens again? A week. And so on.

@UntilYourNextHairBrainedScheme

CrouchEndTiger12 6 is too young to know where to start with the jumbled carnage of far too much mixed up stuff all over the floor - its overwhelming the adult OP let alone a 6 year old. Her teacher at school wouldn't let it get to that point because two children don't have free reign to pull out Barbies and Sylvanian families and lego and Jenga and whatever else all at once - imagine the state of a classroom with 30 children if they did!

I meant 6 isn't too young to be told to put something away and actually do it. She does it at school I bet without screaming and lying on the floor.

There’s no answer
This stage is like sweeping snow

Get the gin out

I have every sympathy OP... and I am afraid it might not get any better. My DDs bedroom for about five years looked exactly the same as if it had been ransacked. Doors at odd angles. Clothes any and everywhere regardless of wether they were clean or dirty. I tried leaving it... but I just could not. It has gone away now a bit, but I am afraid this is quite normal behaviour.

My kids were very competitive so we would make tidying up .. and getting upstairs to bed, and getting dressed/undressed etc etc a race. I had to get in amongst it with them at that age but that was OK.

Lots of "I bet you can't get all this Lego into this box before I've put all the books back" and so on. Honestly it took them years to catch on to this technique and by then they were pretty used to tidying up.

No TV or next nice activity until it's done if you have to get firm.

Just sweep the whole lot into one box. Six is old enough to realise stuff doesn't tidy itself away.

I’m a teacher and I always say, ‘I have spied something that is out of place, whoever tidies it away will get insert current incentive here’. Obviously, I wait until the room is spotless before announcing a winner.

My current class are 12, very unenthusiastic and teenage about everything in life, yet the promise of a ‘special sticker’ whilst I play the ‘Tidy Up Rhumba’ (Google it) has them all crawling under tables picking up fluff.

It’s how you sell it. Make tidying up a game that they want to take part in.

I remember one night, we invited 3 other couples and their kids over for dinner and play. 7 kids played in the playroom, whilst I made dinner for everyone, and served the adults a nice meal at the table. None of the adults helped me, and by the time I finally sat down after clearing all the plates away etc, it was about 11pm, and everyone announced the night was over and they left. So, no relaxation for me. Then, after they had gone, I looked in to the play room, and every single basket had been turned out on to the floor, and I almost cried.

I remember a very similar evening. I literally did not invite any more people round after that unless I knew for sure they'd help with tidying, and then just one child at a time. Then we had the pandemic and got used to just meeting in parks!!! Never again.

@Spanielsarepainless

Just sweep the whole lot into one box. Six is old enough to realise stuff doesn't tidy itself away.

They'll never get it out and play with it again though because things all jumbled up lose their appeal.

Just put their favourite stuff in a dustbin bag and “ throw “ it out unless they tidy up.
If that doesn’t work then put some stuff in the attic or declutter again

@Hallyup6

Mixing toys drives me absolutely bonkers. It's usually when my husband has done the 'tidying up'. He thinks that I'm nuts for going nuts when I find a piece of a Peppa Pig jigsaw in the Paw Patrol jigsaw box. He says they're both jigsaws so it doesn't matter. Drives me mad.

LTB! Does he know how jigsaws works? 🤣