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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have exploded on my friend for this ?

316 replies

Cupcakejamlover · 11/07/2021 01:33

Husband and I, his sister, a family member and his wife decided to spend the day together today. The plan was to go to the mall for a little bit and then go out to different places since they dont live in london and were only here for a visit. We started off by going to the mall, which was extremely busy since its a Saturday. Hubby and i have a newborn who was born with a lung infection and is therefore much more vulnerable when it gets to covid and we are in general much more careful since we do not want to risk anything with him after what we have been through. My husband and i stayed for around 15 minutes and then quickly realised it was way too busy for a vulnerable newborn so we told the others that we will wait for them in the car park (thinking it won’t be too long since we hadnt planned to stay for long anyway).

I didnt want to be rude to the others so out of respect i told them “it is unsafe for the baby here due to the reasons mentioned , we will wait for you in the car park, and since i didnt want to be rude and make them leave immediately i said don’t worry about us take your time.”

For me this was out of respect thinking it would be common sense that if someone is waiting in the car park, they wouldnt make you wait for too long, especially if the plan was only to be there for a little while and then go somewhere else. In my head i was thinking we would wait 10 minutes, 20 minutes , 30 minutes, even an hour i would be still accepting of, but they made us wait for 2 hours with a newborn in the carpark who got extremely fussy.

For me i found this very rude but didnt want to say anything as i tried to understand that queues at tills might have been busy, they might have got lost etc, And was expecting something like “hi guys sorry to keep you waiting, how are you?” When they come back. However they came back extremely dry, almost mad at us themselves (probably for leaving to wait in the car park even though we have a very reasonable excuse) which topped off what already made me quite disappointed and that drove me insane and i bursted at them and told them how rude it was for them to keep us waiting for two hours and then instead of apologising, or even catching up and saying things like hi what should we do now, they were acting all dry themselves, didnt speak to us, and For some reason they didnt even want to do anything else after (which we had initially planned to do other stuff other than the mall) and just planned themselves to go early to our dinner which we were invited to.

They then answered with “ why did you say take your time if you don’t want to wait”

And now i’m thinking was it wrong for me to expect it to be common sense that you wouldnt make people with a newborn to wait 2 hours even if they said take your time? Isnt it obvious that saying take your time is meant out of respect and not to be taken literally? As i said, for me something reasonable would be waiting 30 minutes - 60 minutes max given the business.

What do you guys think?

They never ended up apologising for making us wait for so long, I apologised for exploding which now i regret doing not gonna lie.

FYI i did tell hubbys sister not to stay long since we are waiting in the car park so she knew all along and said okay but then cared nothing, its just the family members that i’m talking about that i said take your time.

OP posts:
LobotomisedIceSkatingFan · 11/07/2021 10:23

it

MouldyPotato · 11/07/2021 10:24

GiantWingedWaspMoth yes it was more to point out that Mall is used here in the UK.

Hoppinggreen · 11/07/2021 10:28

Going was pretty stupid in the first place and so was sitting in the car and expecting the rest of them to follow after 20 minutes - especially when you said “take your time”
The whole thing sounds badly planned and you “exploding” was ridiculous

Congressdingo · 11/07/2021 10:30

@Cupcakejamlover

We never set a time limit but we literally agreed to not stay long at the mall.
My not long in a mall is 25 mins tops. My best mates not long in a mall is 3 or more hours. If you both have a different opinion on not long and neither party verbalize what it constitutes to them then they did nothing wrong, you did nothing wrong. Shrug next time you come across this situation, state a time limit that you will wait for.
GiantWingedWaspMoth · 11/07/2021 10:30

Are London shopping centres called malls now???

In the same way that some films are called movies.

LobotomisedIceSkatingFan · 11/07/2021 10:33

Actually, the town nearest me has a 'Park Mall'. Since it's essentially a Wilko, a caff, a Poundstretcher, a tanning shop, and one of those places where you paint your own Dungeons and Dragons figurines, if anyone could spend two hours there, I'd give them a medal.

AnneLovesGilbert · 11/07/2021 10:34

Would anyone really take a newborn with a lung condition to a shopping centre in London on a Saturday in normal times, never mind during Covid? Sounds completely irresponsible to me.

No. It’s madness.

If you can’t stand up for yourself when a vulnerable tiny baby needs you to I don’t know when you would.

Notaroadrunner · 11/07/2021 10:35

Surely you could have gone on somewhere else with the baby rather than sit in the car park. Was there a park nearby? You can't expect others to hurry up in a shopping mall. With the best will in the world people tend to lose track of time while shopping and to think they would be finished in 20 minutes was ridiculous. YABU to expect everyone else to fit in around your needs. You should have known a shopping mall would be busy on a Saturday and therefore could have arranged to meet them somewhere in the afternoon instead, when they were finished shopping.

Doghead · 11/07/2021 10:37

You are completely unreasonable. Why tell someone to take their time when you're going to kick off with them when they do exactly that?

Singlebutmarried · 11/07/2021 10:37

Yeah I’d have just gone home and asked them to call when they wanted picking up.

Or as PP have said they could have tubed it back to yours.

Hoppinggreen · 11/07/2021 10:38

@RampantIvy

No she hasn’t. Loads of people use the word dry in the way the OP has

It must be regional. I have never heard of this expression before. It isn't used in Yorkshire.

I’m in Yorkshire and never heard it either I assumed it meant “cold” I think maybe OP has non English origins or maybe I just have no idea how younger people in London speak
wewereliars · 11/07/2021 10:47

Taking a newborn to London on a Saturday is absolute madness in itself. It was always going to go horribly wrong.

Kalvinette · 11/07/2021 10:52

Those crazy Londoners, malling it up with their newborn babies and acting all dry!

rainbowstardrops · 11/07/2021 10:54

I can see why you were fed up after waiting for them for two hours but in fairness, you did tell them not to worry and to take their time so I guess they took you at your word.

If that had been me however, I'd have rung them after an hour and asked how much longer they'd be and take it from there.

A lesson in effective communication! Live and learn and move on.

jessycake · 11/07/2021 10:54

I doubt they intended it to be two hours , two hours waiting seems like a lifetime , two hours goes by in a blink of an eye when you are enjoying yourself .

RampantIvy · 11/07/2021 10:56

I grew up in South London, and it was never an expression I came across.

MrsR87 · 11/07/2021 10:56

To be honest I think the plan was flawed from the start and I think that both parties involved probably didn’t act in the best way.

Firstly, you said take your time. That is open to interpretation and so I feel it was wrong to explode at them. To me, pre baby, 2 hours shopping is taking my time. You were also then not with them to remind them that there were other plans. You absolutely did the right thing removing the newborn from the situation though. I only take my seven months to the shopping centre midweek and we leave before three as that’s when it gets busier from school kids etc. I would never dream of taking him in a Saturday, never mind in London.

However, if I had been the relative and knew there were other plans I’d have probably just said something along the lines of “we’ll come with you and we can just move straight on to the next activity”. But then you see, my baby has had his whole life in Covid and so I would almost certainly pick up on your vibes whereas someone without young children may not.

Abhannmor · 11/07/2021 10:57

2 hours in a mall. What are they ; teenagers? Of course you're not being unreasonable!Flowers

Chocoqueen · 11/07/2021 10:57

@BungleandGeorge

I’ve never ever seen the word Mall used on a road sign for a shopping centre in England. I thought she meant the actual Mall since they were visiting London (obviously the meaning was clear later on!). No big deal, I presume OP has roots elsewhere but I think it’s rubbish to claim that Mall is common usage in the UK
Oh good... glad I'm not the only one!! I was wondering how anyone could spend 2 hours on The Mall 😆... and also where they'd parked!
mafted · 11/07/2021 11:00

Actually, the town nearest me has a 'Park Mall'. Since it's essentially a Wilko, a caff, a Poundstretcher, a tanning shop, and one of those places where you paint your own Dungeons and Dragons figurines, if anyone could spend two hours there, I'd give them a medal.

Those crazy Londoners, malling it up with their newborn babies and acting all dry!

These two comments have really made me laugh GrinGrinGrin

CastawayQueen · 11/07/2021 11:00

YABVVU. Also an idiot for thinking that shops wouldn’t be crowded on a Saturday.

MiddleParking · 11/07/2021 11:00

@RampantIvy

No she hasn’t. Loads of people use the word dry in the way the OP has

It must be regional. I have never heard of this expression before. It isn't used in Yorkshire.

I would use it at least three different ways depending on the context/regional understanding. I’m Scottish and might say someone was being “dry [generally adding ‘as shite’]” like OP has here, to mean being deliberately short/unfriendly. In Derbyshire I would know it to mean something else altogether, and if I read about a ‘dry remark/dry wit/dry sense of humour’ in your average novel I’d know it to mean something different again.
CastawayQueen · 11/07/2021 11:01

Also I’d have just taken everyone home for a plan B (like a takeaway) and not waited in the car. As I have done when someone got sick at an outing.
You have no common sense…

MiddleParking · 11/07/2021 11:02

Oh, and something/someone can also be dry if it/they are just boring.

PearlNextDoor · 11/07/2021 11:03

I have to avoid the word Mall as I can't decide how to pronounce it. Is it maul like mawl - what a lion would do to you? or is it malle to rhyme with Pal. Or Moll like in Molly. Shopping Centre is easier despite being 3 times as long!

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