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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have exploded on my friend for this ?

316 replies

Cupcakejamlover · 11/07/2021 01:33

Husband and I, his sister, a family member and his wife decided to spend the day together today. The plan was to go to the mall for a little bit and then go out to different places since they dont live in london and were only here for a visit. We started off by going to the mall, which was extremely busy since its a Saturday. Hubby and i have a newborn who was born with a lung infection and is therefore much more vulnerable when it gets to covid and we are in general much more careful since we do not want to risk anything with him after what we have been through. My husband and i stayed for around 15 minutes and then quickly realised it was way too busy for a vulnerable newborn so we told the others that we will wait for them in the car park (thinking it won’t be too long since we hadnt planned to stay for long anyway).

I didnt want to be rude to the others so out of respect i told them “it is unsafe for the baby here due to the reasons mentioned , we will wait for you in the car park, and since i didnt want to be rude and make them leave immediately i said don’t worry about us take your time.”

For me this was out of respect thinking it would be common sense that if someone is waiting in the car park, they wouldnt make you wait for too long, especially if the plan was only to be there for a little while and then go somewhere else. In my head i was thinking we would wait 10 minutes, 20 minutes , 30 minutes, even an hour i would be still accepting of, but they made us wait for 2 hours with a newborn in the carpark who got extremely fussy.

For me i found this very rude but didnt want to say anything as i tried to understand that queues at tills might have been busy, they might have got lost etc, And was expecting something like “hi guys sorry to keep you waiting, how are you?” When they come back. However they came back extremely dry, almost mad at us themselves (probably for leaving to wait in the car park even though we have a very reasonable excuse) which topped off what already made me quite disappointed and that drove me insane and i bursted at them and told them how rude it was for them to keep us waiting for two hours and then instead of apologising, or even catching up and saying things like hi what should we do now, they were acting all dry themselves, didnt speak to us, and For some reason they didnt even want to do anything else after (which we had initially planned to do other stuff other than the mall) and just planned themselves to go early to our dinner which we were invited to.

They then answered with “ why did you say take your time if you don’t want to wait”

And now i’m thinking was it wrong for me to expect it to be common sense that you wouldnt make people with a newborn to wait 2 hours even if they said take your time? Isnt it obvious that saying take your time is meant out of respect and not to be taken literally? As i said, for me something reasonable would be waiting 30 minutes - 60 minutes max given the business.

What do you guys think?

They never ended up apologising for making us wait for so long, I apologised for exploding which now i regret doing not gonna lie.

FYI i did tell hubbys sister not to stay long since we are waiting in the car park so she knew all along and said okay but then cared nothing, its just the family members that i’m talking about that i said take your time.

OP posts:
Imasoulman · 11/07/2021 11:06

You are being unreasonable, did you honestly expect a shopping centre in London to be quiet any day of the week especially a Saturday.

You are also unreasonable for saying "mall"

BungleandGeorge · 11/07/2021 11:07

@thoselinesjustgetfainter which two cities is a general shopping centre referred to as a mall? A shopping centre with the name ‘The Mall’ is not the same thing, hence the capitals for the latter. OP used the American term (correctly, no capital for mall) people misinterpreted because we don’t use that term in the UK and they were in London sightseeing, where there is one World famous Mall. We don’t mark our shopping centres as malls on road signs in the UK, unless it is the actual given name (just the same as Westfields etc)

Kanaloa · 11/07/2021 11:08

Someone being dry means they are being cold and sullen, not chatty and friendly. Obviously pissed off but not telling you why. It’s pretty clear contextually in the op what it means, I don’t think it renders the issue incomprehensible.

GiantWingedWaspMoth · 11/07/2021 11:11

@PearlNextDoor

I have to avoid the word Mall as I can't decide how to pronounce it. Is it maul like mawl - what a lion would do to you? or is it malle to rhyme with Pal. Or Moll like in Molly. Shopping Centre is easier despite being 3 times as long!
Two of those sound the same to me...
Kanaloa · 11/07/2021 11:15

@PearlNextDoor

It’s pronounced like the word ‘all.’ As in, you don’t go to one shop, you go to them all/the mall.

Kanaloa · 11/07/2021 11:20

Struggle to believe you’ve never heard the word pronounced on American television to be honest.

MouldyPotato · 11/07/2021 11:20

[quote Kanaloa]@PearlNextDoor

It’s pronounced like the word ‘all.’ As in, you don’t go to one shop, you go to them all/the mall.[/quote]
Round here it is pronounced Mall as in Al as in Al Gore

Alwayswonderedwhy · 11/07/2021 11:21

Yabu

HalzTangz · 11/07/2021 11:26

Why would you plan to go to a mall in London on a Saturday if your bay is more at risk?

You are being unreasonable, 2 hour isn't very long when you take into account potential queues to even get in a store then queues at the till points.

You told them to take there time, they took you at your word.

Next time plan better

Sandunesandseashells · 11/07/2021 11:33

@PearlNextDoor

I have to avoid the word Mall as I can't decide how to pronounce it. Is it maul like mawl - what a lion would do to you? or is it malle to rhyme with Pal. Or Moll like in Molly. Shopping Centre is easier despite being 3 times as long!
Well I pronounce it Marl, but then I say Varze and my scone rhymes with own 🤭🤫
Abhannmor · 11/07/2021 11:36

@BungleandGeorge

I’ve never ever seen the word Mall used on a road sign for a shopping centre in England. I thought she meant the actual Mall since they were visiting London (obviously the meaning was clear later on!). No big deal, I presume OP has roots elsewhere but I think it’s rubbish to claim that Mall is common usage in the UK
Dunno about roadsigns...but my kids called themselves 'mall rats' back in the 00s. Mall is at least preferable to 'outlet centre'. Which always brings sewage to my mind .Confused
Notmoresugar · 11/07/2021 11:36

YANBU
You weren't clear because you were being too nice, and they were either too ignorant or selfish to get the gravity of the situation.

Surely anyone with more than one brain cell would know that your newborn was extremely vulnerable and all of you should have gone to plan B straightaway without hesitation.

But no they made you wait for 2 hours in a car with a newborn and even then came back with long faces!

They are assholes.

babyblues21 · 11/07/2021 11:39

Surely after an hour you would’ve rang or call them to see how long they’ll be.

Yeah this is what I would have done in that situation. Well, I wouldn't have said "take your time" in the first place if I was anxious about hanging around with a newborn (my baby isn't even clinically vulnerable and I wouldn't be happy hanging out with her in a car park for any length of time really). I would have said in the first place "we're going to go somewhere quieter with the baby (name of cafe or park etc)... and we will meet you there in say an hour or two, does that sound ok?" Or similar. Basically I'd have been much clearer with my communication and plan.

Hankunamatata · 11/07/2021 11:40

You took a newborn out with a long infection in mall on London and didn't expect it to be busy? Sorry yabu. One of you could have stayed home while the other ferried visitors about

jelly79 · 11/07/2021 11:44

Oh VU OP

You took your newborn somewhere unsuitable, you removed yourself with the message take your time, then kicked off when they did.

You shouldn't of gone, or gone for a walk or a coffee or sent a message

All unavoidable. I'd be annoyed if you had spoilt my day on a trip away like this. You should apologise

viques · 11/07/2021 11:54

Do we know which shopping centre? If it was Westfield at Stratford a baby with a lung condition would have been better off being taken to the Former Olympic Park, now the Elizabeth Park, than a car park.

UR Unreasonable OP.

greenlynx · 11/07/2021 12:05

OP, I’m glad that you’ve accepted that YABU. Lots of people mentioned that it was Saturday, there were definitely queues considering restrictions, your relatives were not local and so on. Yes, I would say that they were not considerate enough but you’ve said them not to worry.

Imo you were very very unreasonable because you took vulnerable baby for shopping on Saturday among pandemic!!!! Tbh I can’t imagine doing this even without CV around. I think you’ve sent the wrong message to your relatives that you don’t care.

LuluJakey1 · 11/07/2021 12:09

Perhaps these are southern expressions. I have never heard 'acting all dry' used in the north-east, nor 'mall'- only on American tv series. Similarly, 'exploded on'. No doubt they'll move up country sooner or later.

Moonface123 · 11/07/2021 12:10

You should have just dropped guests off and let them enjoy their day, what's the point in going out for a few minutes ? Or suggested somewhere a lot quieter you could all enjoy.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 11/07/2021 12:15

they made us wait for 2 hours with a newborn in the carpark

The didn't make you wait. You chose to wait. Then acted like a total martyr.

AnotherDayAnotherCake · 11/07/2021 12:24

Hubby and i have a newborn who was born with a lung infection and is therefore much more vulnerable when it gets to covid and we are in general much more careful
Doesn’t correspond with:

Husband and I, his sister, a family member and his wife decided to spend the day together today. The plan was to go to the mall for a little bit and then go out to different places since they dont live in london and were only here for a visit
YABU.

PerveenMistry · 11/07/2021 12:31

Could you not have gotten a babysitter?

I am dumbstruck that visitors to London wanted to waste time a a retail mall.

CustardySergeant · 11/07/2021 12:33

@grapewine

YABVU. You take a baby with a lung condition to a London shopping centre in a pandemic and talk about others not having common sense. You explode at them for taking you at your word, and then you're actually surprised that they don't want to do any further activities with you.

The mind boggles.

Says it all. I agree 100%
lljkk · 11/07/2021 12:33

Thanks all for the diversion into urban slang. I am schooled. I C+P'd all the comments from PP who were confident what 'being dry' meant to OP (debate & disagreement within). Anyway, I can imagine being cold & sullen if stuck in same car with someone who just exploded at me.


they were acting all dry themselves (=) didnt speak to us,

acting dry = "Showing a lack of friendliness or interest in others”

OP "wrongly deduced that it means sulky or annoyed"

OP correctly "deduced that it means sulky or annoyed.”

Someone being dry means they are being cold and sullen, not chatty and friendly.

To urban youngsters [dry] means something akin to withdrawn and pissed off.

Loads of people ... wrongly deduced that dry means sulky, rather than laconic [laconic = using very few words]

I ... am going to use [dry] myself for when people go in a mood and act all passive aggressive

Dry … just means arsey

I assumed dry meant “cold”

OP meant dry as in "being deliberately short/unfriendly”

someone can also be dry if it/they are just boring.

Someone being dry means they are being cold and sullen, not chatty and friendly
ChargingBuck · 11/07/2021 12:35

Your plan was ill-conceived from the off, & I'm not buying the waffle about how you couldn't be expected to know that a London shopping mall might be busy.

Next time you invite people who are expressly interested in a day out shopping because they don't live in London, don't bring a newborn with a lung infection along, & it'll be more enjoyable for everyone.
You & your DH could very easily have foreseen how this was going to pan out: one of you could have stayed at home with the baby.

You can't explode at people for taking you at your word - especially as you were the one who changed the plan. Your family members were expecting a day out at the shops. You couldn't oblige because - why?! - you chose to bring your vulnerable baby along, then acted surprised that shops are busy.

I still can't understand why you felt that hanging out in a car park was the next wisest move, or why you/DH couldn't have texted the other folk to let them know to take their time, because you'll meet them at home/ in a park/ at quiet venue X/ later.

Your family members must have felt they were walking on eggshells around you - you told them one thing, then got arsey when they took your words to mean what they said.
It's passive-aggressive, & uncomfortable for others who have to second-guess you & then mitigate your mood swings. You must get into a lot of mix-ups like this if this is your communication style.
To learn how to avoid them in future, maybe book yourself onto an assertiveness & communication workshop.

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