Family coming to stay most of summer

[Turntheheatdownfgs]

How would you arrange things?

Parents are coming for 3 weeks to stay in our house next week. Then they come again for two weeks, three weeks later.
We’re used to seeing them for a couple of weeks in summer, then a gap and at autumn, spring etc. It’s lovely of course, but is a big chunk of summer and feels a bit overwhelming.
I usually do all cooking etc, but the thought of this for 5 weeks is a lot. Also the evenings are so hot, we often head to the beach for sunset with toddler Dd or out for walks. My parents prefer to sit in and watch tv etc. In the past we’ve done this as is only for a couple of weeks. Now it’s a large part of our summer and I don’t want to miss out on all those summer nights.
Am I being selfish?
How would you basically arrange meals, days and time together if your family came for this long?

@Turntheheatdownfgs

How would you arrange things?

Parents are coming for 3 weeks to stay in our house next week. Then they come again for two weeks, three weeks later.
We’re used to seeing them for a couple of weeks in summer, then a gap and at autumn, spring etc. It’s lovely of course, but is a big chunk of summer and feels a bit overwhelming.
I usually do all cooking etc, but the thought of this for 5 weeks is a lot. Also the evenings are so hot, we often head to the beach for sunset with toddler Dd or out for walks. My parents prefer to sit in and watch tv etc. In the past we’ve done this as is only for a couple of weeks. Now it’s a large part of our summer and I don’t want to miss out on all those summer nights.
Am I being selfish?
How would you basically arrange meals, days and time together if your family came for this long?

If they came for that long, I'd stick to my normal routine and activities.

Ah here, you have to put some boundaries in place if you allow them to stay that long. Let your dad sulk. Perhaps he won't be as quick to come back for the second trip if you just do what you normally do. So go to the beach, invite them and if they decline leave them at home. Turn your tv over to what you and Dh want to watch. Ask them to help cook. Take the offer to split the food bill. Bottom line is they are staying in your house so they fit in with you. They don't get to take over and make decisions as to what you and your Dh do during their stay.

Your dad sounds a bit of a dick.

@Viviennemary It’s already booked, they text after they’ve booked it and ask if it’s ok

Put up with DF's sulks early on and stick to your guns and usual routine. He'll have to get over it once he realises he's not in charge.

I’d tell your mum it’s too much and that you’d prefer them only to stay the first time. I really would.

Say it now, they’ll be so huffy they won’t come over at all 😇😆

It’s just too much, I couldn’t put up with it..

The thing is that if somebody is staying for such a long time then it's good to have some time apart every day. They have a choice of coming out for a walk with you and if they want to stay in and watch TV then that's fine but it's equally fine that you want to go out.

When Mum came over, DH and I joined the gym. We have never attended the gym so assiduously, before nor since! If we hadn't had that outlet, it would have ended. Very. Very. BADLY.

As it is, we were still on good terms and talking. (But we burned rubber as we peeled away from the airport after dropping her off, and indulged in a lovely day off with much wine and venting. . .)

This relationship doesn't sound v healthy really.

I imagine they'll want some space too so I would stick to your beach walks most nights. If they're watching TV why would they care?

Are you wealthy? If yes get a chef for a week?

If not have a chat about food before they come, "I'm just planning for your stay and thought maybe we could take turns cooking and get a few takeaways, are you ok to cook twice a week and what sort of thing would you like to make, I'll get the ingredients in"

I would not be doing the two stays this is the crux of the issue. All the annoying bits of their stay are fine for 2 weeks but no one should have to live a totally different routine for 5 weeks of their summer.
I would tell them you are really looking forward to seeing them but that can they choose one of the breaks only as you need some family time as well.
Does your DH/partner mind? I don’t think anyone I know would want this situation even with well loved visitors.

I think you should think about getting a TV for their room so you can watch what you like

Carry on with walks etc,& they can join or not as they wish

Can they take your DD out for a few hours now & then to give your husband space? & ask your mum to do some of the meals …

I feel so guilty though as assume they think that we’d be happy to see them more, which we are, it’s hard to explain, staying in your own house for so long..it’s a lot.

Yes, it is hard for Dp, he often doesn’t get much time to relax after work.

My dad isn’t a bad person but does like to plan things out and control to a certain extent, I’ve always been the one to go against it, but it just causes rows. But now Dd is here, it’s different, it has to be about her and her sleep patterns and making things easy for me too! Im exhausted with her at the moment and her not sleeping makes it a whole lot worse.
My mum says it hard to cook in someone else’s kitchen as you don’t know where anything is. She sometimes offers help but I don’t think she expects me to say ‘Ok then you make it’
They always pay for coffees/lunches etc when we go out.

@Sparkletastic

Put up with DF's sulks early on and stick to your guns and usual routine. He'll have to get over it once he realises he's not in charge.

This.

You may find too that they then change their minds about the second visit, or certainly the length of it.

It's not you that's being selfish, OP. Unless you get some boundaries in place you're going to be tearing your hair out. You sound very reasonable. They should adapt or at least not object to you doing your own thing, since they're staying in your home.

@XelaM

You're overthinking this wayyyyyy too much! It's your parents, not the Queen! Just carry on with your life and your plans as normal and they will fit in around it

This ^^

Why do you feel you have to watch TV with them?
Leave them to the TV, and go for your walks. They are family.

Don't let them walk all over you.

@DespairingHomeowner That’s the thing, they’ve never babysat, dp and I haven’t had a break in 3 years

God. How awful. What about DHs family and your friends? When will you see them? And your own relationship between you and DH. You will have a fortnight alone out of 7 weeks?
Just no!

Um, are they coming because they love the DGC and want to spend time with them, or is this a lovely cheap way to have a well catered holiday to their own exacting wants and tastes?

Sweltering hot? what country are you from

[quote Turntheheatdownfgs]@DespairingHomeowner That’s the thing, they’ve never babysat, dp and I haven’t had a break in 3 years[/quote]
Would they now she's older? Can you go out once she's asleep?

You need to do your evenings and negotiate daytimes

[quote Turntheheatdownfgs]@Viviennemary It’s already booked, they text after they’ve booked it and ask if it’s ok[/quote]
that old Mumsnet wisdom

"No" is a complete sentence

I would write down DDs plans for the day and they can join in, work around them etc etc

You just present it as "This is what DD is doing if you want us to join you in doing something else you need to discuss it with us in advance"

Then crack on and carry on with your usual routine unless you plan a joint trip doing something else.

Perhaps early nights for you and DD to cope with your Dad waking you up early.

Def keep to your routine, and tell them that's how you all run your day and you won't be changing the timings. If you need to get out to the beach then do. And in your own house you control the TV! Can you plan out each week ahead so you get a night out and they take DD out for a walk or an outing every couple of days so you get a break?

Perhaps you need to have lots of loud sex?