I’ve just turned off the router and gone back to bed.

[Shuffleuplove]

3 tween boys, idle but cute. Single mum. Their attitude towards me is increasingly disrespectful and rude. I’m sick of constant bargaining and shouting from them, and my picking up after them. I normally am on the permissive end of authoritative but I’ve had enough of talking and reasoning.

Hand hold?

I find a well-timed WiFi password change works a treat. Mine are horrors too. 14,12, and 6. I'm not sure which one is the worst.

Iv 3 adhd boys. Love the comments on here that I would tell them, wouldn't stand for that behaviour etc. Happily hand over three pre teen adhd boys and see how people parent.

Some days I hide in my room and use the survival of the fittest parenting plan

They’re still trying to get around the WiFi situation. It’s amusing listening to how inventive they are. They’ve found an old iPad and they’re trying to hotspot off that. It’s busted. But I can hear “oh oh oh I think it’s loading.”

Kitchen is being wiped.

@Shuffleuplove a career in the theatre perhaps for middle one? Wonder if it's all middle ones that have a flair for the dramatic and a will of iron

@Hankunamatata I haven’t mentioned this till now as I didn’t want “don’t make excuses” etc. But eldest has ASD, middle has ADHD(inattentive) and some cognitive processing stuff and youngest has ASD and inattentive adhd and is a bit deaf. So you will have an idea of the hill I am actually climbing!

I feel your pain! I've got a 12 year old son and a 2 year old daughter, we have a fresh batch of teenage hormones and a terrible 2 tantrum roughly once an hour and it's exhausting.

I'll ask 12 year old to put the washing in the basket, only to find it on the floor next to the basket 5 mins later.

It's relentless!! Stick to your guns!!

@Wheretobuy it’s pretty standard now to be able to do this with the app for whatever isp you have. You need to name all the devices but some will have odd names you may not recognise. My dds PlayStation is some Chinese manufacturer name. They don’t always say PlayStation or phone. But google will tell you what’s what.

@Shuffleuplove oow snap lol. My middle ones asd as well and so dramatic. Staying calm and serene is def the best way though I find it incredibly tough. Swearing is small biscuits in my house and just gets a look. My mum has created a swear jar for each. Everytime they swear that person has some money took out and they get to keep what's left - doesn't really work but mum tries lol

@CallmeHendricks

There are certain situations where I think it's OK to say, "It's not up for debate." This is one of them.

Totally agree. All the cutting off of wifi and taking devices and getting cross every now and again just doesnt work.

@Shuffleuplove

Thankyou! I’m ground down with it. The middle one is particularly difficult.

Yes they’re up. Because it’s the weekend. In the week they’d sleep till noon if I let them.

Middle one just burst in to tell me “I’ll put my bike away but that’s bloody well it.” Little shite, he’s 11

I’ve told him it’s up to him how he behaves.

How did they learn to speak to you like that?

Well done, op, sometimes it has to be done. My asd ds called me a North Korean dictator yesterday because I insisted he come out of the house. Apparently I don't give him any freedom to live his life the way he wants (24/7 gadgets) This was after an half an hour standoff where I thought I was going to lose my mind! He did exit eventually and actually apologised to me later. It's bloody hard work sometimes!

I used to have the router going off at 12 at night then coming back on at 6am They got the password though, I had no idea.

They are now 21 & 17 and do very little. The 17 year old tidied his room yesterday and washed all the dishes.

The 21 year old keeps his room immaculate but never touches dishes. That's what the sinks for he mostly does his own washing but I have to put it in dryer etc

@PerveenMistry by listening to his monstrous arse of a father, whom I’m divorcing, for exactly this reason.

It’s worked for me to take away devices or cut off the WiFi

It’s hasn’t stopped ds from acting like many teenagers do. The over the top response, the high drama, the tears the it’s not fair the trying to negotiate

You are doing brilliantly! I too have three with ASC and one has ADHD too. They’re all adults now and bloody amazing. However, I was the wicked evil mother of teens who would dock pocket money if the chores weren’t done ‘with good grace’! I hear them use the phrase even now! 😆

When I was a kid ( before internet and mobiles ) My DDad would take the fuse out of my radio and record player if I played music to loud. He would say that its plugged in and turned on the reason its not working is it does not like been played loud . worked every time !

Threatening to send them to boarding school or a children's home might work, as well as telling the middle one that his father doesn't want him living with him because of his behaviour. I am very, very evil though. 👿

My mum and my best friend's Mum both used to threaten boarding school even thought neither could afford it, but we didn't know that at the time. 😊

Taking away WiFi and devices never worked for me, just caused great conflict .. nor did shouting, or any of that stuff.
DD15, was horrendous … she could also get quite violent (she was having a panic attack, I just didn’t know or what to do) … she’s currently being assessed for ASD.

It’s not a long term strategy, they will get older, and bigger, and wiser … what I learned (as we had some support from a local organisation) was that I needed to reframe the conversation. What does “good” look like, and that changes on a daily basis. Her bedroom is a mess.. will need shouting at her get it done? Will taking her devices off he get it done ? Nope. I’ll keep dropping in saying “it would be really nice if you tidy your room, it feels nicer to be ina tidy room” and just leave her - it doesn’t need doing today (that’s my timetable), and it will get done.

I’m not saying it’s like that for every teen, for me, it was about her letting her own the consequences of her decisions …. If you don’t put your wash basket outside, you have dirty clothes…. Don’t put your bike away , you have rusty bike, eat all the crisps today… you have none for the rest of the week.

Life has been much calmer since I stopped making quite so many demands

That may have been where things have slid - I try to keep demands to a minimum but I’ve gone too far.

They’re all also looking for the “edge” as it were - how far they can go. This has got their attention. I appreciate though it’s a short term fix.

Stick to you guns
. I can turn the bugger's sockets off from my phone too. That step is like magic and results in instant compliance.

@ThePluckOfTheCoward

Threatening to send them to boarding school or a children's home might work, as well as telling the middle one that his father doesn't want him living with him because of his behaviour. I am very, very evil though. 👿

My mum and my best friend's Mum both used to threaten boarding school even thought neither could afford it, but we didn't know that at the time. 😊

My mum used to threaten to send me and my siblings away, she used to pretend she was on the phone to them, and get us to pack our bag.

We are now aged 50-60 …. And we talk about it now, it caused us huge amounts of emotional damage. My mum was an awful person, but that is the he thing that has stuck with all of us the most. To have a hysterical child crying, thinking they are being sent away forever …. It was twisted.

@Shuffleuplove sending you a round of applause. Keep going.

Shuffle, you are doing a brilliant job !

@ExtraOnions I threaten to always always live with them and go on dates with them and help out at school in their class! That makes them squeal with horror!

Am laughing so hard at all the comments about taking router/phone to work!! Brilliant 😂
My kids are young still, and I seriously am dreading teenage years, they already act like spoilt teenagers, I dread to think how they will actually behave when in their teens!
Taking notes from comments!