I’ve just turned off the router and gone back to bed.

[Shuffleuplove]

3 tween boys, idle but cute. Single mum. Their attitude towards me is increasingly disrespectful and rude. I’m sick of constant bargaining and shouting from them, and my picking up after them. I normally am on the permissive end of authoritative but I’ve had enough of talking and reasoning.

Hand hold?

We had no bedroom doors for a whole year once!
I wouldn't recommend it unless you are brill at rehanging doors but it's very effective and seeing their bedroom door in the back yard did help focus on not ignoring everyone and slamming about.

It does pass, honest

Love you OP! We need more Mum's with balls. Little feckers think they own the world at that age, time they learned they have nothing if don't let them!

Well done. But make it crystal clear to them you are not doing this because you want to be mean and ruin their lives (ie give them no chance to play 'You're evil, mum'). The reason you are doing it is because they are being rude to you and not appreciating your work and effort. They need to learn that you won't work your socks off to provide for them if they are selfish and horrible to you in return. It doesn;t work like that.

I'm enjoying this! I imagine there is a pain curve, whereby they're going to have to learn that ganging up on Mum and bullying, whining, nagging and negotiating just ain't a gonna work this time - so hang tough!

Have they each got their personalised list of what they each have to do before router privileges are restored for one and all?

I would make sure you are sitting down with a good book, a nice drink, and chocolate, just laid back and chilling. . . smiling beautifically at each flouncing complaint

Middle one has just asked to use my hot spot! Ha ha ha! No.

No I haven’t given them a list specifically. I’m sick of the shit attitude. Eldest was this morning lying on the sofa eating lolly ices, surrounded by wrappers. Youngest was in the dark in the front room, naked, refusing to dress or walk the dog who then weed.

I’m going to let them enjoy the silence for a bit and then issue my demands.

I only had one tween. I can't imagine what having three, of the same sex, must be like! Stand strong OP

Actions speak louder than words, innit?

I used to have daily fights with DS1 to not leave his stinky socks on the floor put put them on the wash pile.
Then one day I had enough, picked them up and put them on his pillow.
he was outraged when he came home but guess what, he left socks on floor again...
so I put them on his pillow again.

After 3 days he got the message.🤷‍♀️

The hardest part is done.
You're doing the right thing, it'll be a worthy battle. If they continue been rude stop cooking too.
I'm sorry you don't deserve their treatment in your home.

I've resorted to taking the router to work with me in the past...had to be done.
One time I even resorted to getting my kitchen scissors out and cutting the plug off his playstation . Not my proudest moment but he got the message. Stay strong x

100% behind you for turning off the router.

Laughing at plug cutting!

Some screaming now coming from downstairs. Apparently they are “starving” and there’s nothing in to eat. Rubbish. Eldest is a competent cook. Middle one wants to go and live with Dad. Daddy won’t have them. So they need to buckle up.

Well done OP. Yes, stand firm.

stay strong , I think we've all been in your shoes

Don't forget, serene...
Don't show any stress or weakness
Oh and only cereal or self serve food today.

Oh my! Maybe they should use that energy for some cooking, cleaning, and tidying. I wonder if and when one of them will think about asking you what you want them to do? Do you have an idea which is likely to show that initiative and understanding about their current new reality?

Yes eldest will capitulate first. Youngest will crack I the presence of cake, which I will eat. Middle one: omg. He has the will of an eastern religious devotee. He’s lying on the floor screaming “pack my things. You’ve ruined my life, evil one.”

You know tweens eat non-stop. Stop shopping until they fix up.

With you. All the way. I don’t engage on any level with my discussions when the boundary is clear. They have. Choice.

Simples.

It is important to make it easy enough for them to follow the requests though so I may sure I am very specific. Tidy bedroom is presented as. All clothes for washing downstairs and sorted into colour piles. Carpet completely cleared of stuff. Bed cleared of stuff you chucked on bed from floor with stuff neatly put in right place etc… nothing vague.

Even in the throes of despair, your middle child expects you to do their packing for them!

Time to make some family rules. A calm conversation about how you need more respect from them and that once they’ve done the things you’ve asked them to do, then you’ll turn the WiFi back on. Remind them that respect works both ways. Don’t get onto battles with them though OP, it will just breed more disrespect.

Middle one needs to clean up pee and walk dog.

The eldest needs to clean up wrappers and empty bins and fetch more lollyices from the shop.

Etc etc.

Now what to do with my autistic one upstairs....getting there slowly working on cleaning own teeth and bringing pots down.

You rock op! I had to chuckle at pack my things evil one though

@justaweeone

Someone I work with brought the router to work with her as she wasn't convinced that her teen was actually too ill to attend school

I don't think I work with you, but our router has been several places with us, the rugby club for a match, oops did we go into the clubhouse afterwards, several hours latere......... bloody hell is that the time...................

It has been into work with me and had pride of place on my desk, some of our subbies came in took photos and sent them to their teens, one of them came back with pay no attention Dad that is hardcore.

When I was a teen my mum used to take the phone (actual landline) to work with her to stop my sister being on it all day and running up a huge bill.

Pack my things evil one

Stick to your guns OP, teen DD here is finally cleaning her room after the threat of an unplugged router. I've never heard so much huffing and sighing while a small room is dusted, but at least it is being done.